Realized Potential
by Dylan GreyFox
Summary: (Set post "Potential".) Buffy finally gets a look at Spike's injuries that he was hiding, and several things are revealed. (R for non-graphic sexual content)


Dawn figeted with the book in front of her, watching Xander walk away, a thoughtful frown on her face, lip tucked between her teeth. She felt a small blush creep up her cheeks, and she ducked her head suddenly, staring at her book again.   
  
In the hallway, Spike gave a sigh and leaned against the wall, giving Xander a nod as he passed, then headed for the kitchen, pausing upon seeing Dawn at the dining table. Started to say something, then refrained. She'd had a rough night, and he didn't want to risk setting her off. Started to pass by, heading for the kitchen.  
  
With her head ducked, she gave a small chuckle. The last sound he expected to hear.  
  
  
  
He paused in his tracks and glanced over his shoulder, curiosity getting the better of him. "Something funny, Dawn?" Said quietly.  
  
She gave him a luminous smile. "Nope."  
  
Blinked and furrowed his brow confusedly, shrugging slightly, then starting for the kitchen again, then stopping again. Something was up, and he needed to know. First time he'd really felt curious about something in quite some time. He turned around, facing her. "What's going on, then?"  
  
She tucked her hair behind her ear, sitting up straight, said with the knowledge of a woman, "Just being extraordinary."  
  
He looked at her for a moment, then smiled slightly and gave a small nod. "Good for you." Turned to head for the kitchen again, making a mental note to ask later what that meant... When his sides weren't killing him. Disappeared into the kitchen and headed for the fridge. He needed food.   
  
He pressed his palms against the counter in front of the sink, half staring out the window, half staring at nothing. The house was finally quiet, the SITs at last asleep. Progress. The only sound the calm heartbeats of all the humans in the house. It was soothing, in a way... And also nearly maddening. He was still hungry. Had pretty much decided that being hungry was a way of life.   
  
Gave a deep sigh, dropping his head to stare down the drain. Absently turning on the faucet and watching the warm water flow down the drain. Round and round and... Dizzy. Not a good thing. Turned off the water and decided to look out the window again. It was gonna be a long night.  
  
A while later, a sleep-tousled Buffy stumbled downstairs, an old terrycloth robe falling off one shoulder. She flipped on the light, and headed straight for the fridge.  
  
Seated at the table, Spike blinked at the sudden light. Quietly, "You could ask before you turn on bright lights, you know."  
  
She jumped and spun, a box of takeout already in her hands. "God. You could let a girl know you're just sitting in the dark."  
  
Blinked slowly and gave a half smirk. "Vampire. Sitting in the dark is part of the deal. Also, it's either here, or the basement. And I've had enough of basements, thank you very much."  
  
She grinned. "Me, too." She set the takeout on the counter, then hopped to sit on it, picking out noodles with her fingers. "They did good tonight."  
  
Nodded a little. "Got to hand it to them. Weren't gettin' it at first. Now.. Well, they're at least partially on it. Got to work with the instincts. When they get that... And I mean REALLY get it... Then they'll be lethal." Cocked his head at her choice of 'snack'. "Don't you want to heat that up?"  
  
She shrugged. Didn't feel like moving. "We're really good teachers, Spike. We could open a training school after this whole "First" thing."  
  
Gave a very soft chuckle. "Yeah. I can just see that. You'd handle the day classes, and I'd handle the night. Oh, and for extra curricular activities, we can catch a vampire and lock it in with the students. Might be fun to watch."  
  
She snickered. "We're four helpless girls!" Shook her head. "Nah. We'd have to work together. Work on their instincts, ya know?"  
  
Raised an eyebrow. "Problem with that... Who'd go to a self defense school with no windows? And... preferably a solid door. And no mirrors. Got to make allowances, if we don't want me being..." Sighed. "I don't know. Train of thought left without me there. Been up too long, I suppose. Speaking of which... You should be sleeping."  
  
She shrugged. "Slayer. Sleep. The two concepts haven't met."  
  
Quietly. "They should. You're gonna teach the potentials how to deal with dark circles under the eyes next, if you're not careful." Slid his chair back from the table and leaned back in it a little, deciding to change the subject. "Did you bring my ball back? The fuzzy one you took to work yesterday. You know."  
  
"The Koosh ball?" She frowned, hopped off the counter. "Yeah... It's here..."  
  
Shook his head. "I don't need it, pet. Just wanted to know if you brought it back. I like that thing."  
  
"Yeah... Remind me in the morning. It's in my bag." She stepped up to jump on the counter again, this time stepping on the sash of her robe, falling forward.  
  
He was in front of her, catching her before she'd even tipped that far, faster than she could blink. Worriedly. "Buffy, are you okay?"  
  
She ducked her head. "Fine. Just... Wow. Talk about those instincts, huh? How graceful am I?" Still hadn't moved away from him.  
  
Swallowed very slightly, still checking to make sure she hadn't hit the counter or anything. Quietly. "You're sure? Looked like you hit your elbow..." Mumbled quietly. "And hence my earlier worries about you not sleeping."  
  
Her fingers found their way to his hips. "I'm okay."  
  
He was still glancing worriedly at the elbow that he'd seen smack the counter, but was distracted by her sudden, unexpected touch. He'd half expected her to be pulling away by now... Sighed softly and reminded himself that he'd given up trying to figure her out. Straightened up and sighed softly, not stepping back. "Don't see a bruise... But.." Swallowed again and winced very slightly, only then noticing that his quick movements had caused his sore ribs to act up again. Which had been why he'd been sitting in the dark to begin with.  
  
Buffy's hands slid under the hem of his teeshirt. "Are -you- okay?"  
  
He stepped back, pulling away from her hands. "I'm fine, Buffy. Got a bit of a catch. It's nothing. Really."  
  
She looked up at him, nothing but concern sketched in her eyes. She had been worried since they had trained before, that look of pain... "You're sure?" Her hands reached tentatively forward again.  
  
Oh, he didn't want to step back. No. He wanted to tell her. To let her know that his ribs throbbed constantly, to tell her that he had the feeling that a few of his internal organs were still bleeding, that he was hungry all the time, no matter how much he fed. But... And there was always a but... But, he couldn't. And that look in her eyes... That didn't make it easy, either. So he stepped back, but he hesitated before doing so. "Yeah, Buffy. I'm fine. Don't worry 'bout me. You've got enough on your plate as it is. I'm fine."  
  
She pulled her hands back sharply, lowering her eyes instantly. Of course he didn't want her to touch him. Sat back on the counter, infinately more careful this time. Dug in the takeout box. "Good. Good. Cuz... Yeah... We've got a lot to worry about." Her head still bowed, she peeked her eyes at him, tilting the carton towards him. "Noodle?"  
  
Gave a very small smile, reaching in and extracting one noodle, putting it in his mouth and chewing as if it was a piece of steak, rather than an old, leftover noodle. Kept thinking that it was possible that he had a hole in his stomach, so, whatever he put in there had to be as small as possible. Reached over and took his chair, sliding it so that it was next to and below where she sat and sat down, giving a small sigh and another small smile up at her. "Thanks, pet."  
  
She smiled down at him, her feet kicking slightly. "Have you talked to Dawn?"  
  
Shrugged slightly. "A little. She was bein' all "Research Girl" before... I didn't want to bother her. Been in here ever since then. Not that many places to sleep in this house. Dinin' room chair's as good as any."  
  
She frowned. He wasn't sleeping on a wood chair. He needed to heal up. On a bed. A real one. His hair was still curling a little. Her hands itched to brush it back, so she ate another noodle. "She was upset earlier, but, Xander said she's okay now."  
  
He blinked, almost lazily, relaxed, nodding slightly and getting up, turning his chair around and straddling it, crossing his arms on the back and resting his chin on them. "Yeah. I overheard part of it. Not much... Was in the hall. Not eavesdroppin' or anythin'..." The last was said hurriedly, as if he was trying to reassure her that he was being good.  
  
She gave another small grin. "Better than me. I'd listen." It suddenly crossed her mind that she had no idea where he had been sleeping. Sure, before he had had the spare bed, but with the SIT's..."Spike...?"  
  
Blinked up at her again, still resting his chin on his folded arms and looking for all the world as if he was trying not to yawn. "Yeah?"  
  
"Where have you been sleeping?"  
  
Shrugged as much as his position allowed. "Around. Was in the recliner in the livin' room the other night. But, Xander snores, and he's on the couch, so... Couldn't sleep. So I came in here. Chair's okay with me. Slept on worse." Lost the battle and suddenly yawned, drawing in a deep, unneeded breath and wincing slightly as his ribs caught again.  
  
In an exceptionally quiet voice, she inquired, "What blankets do you use?"  
  
Blinked slightly. "Don't need blankets. No body heat to keep in." Shrugged again. "And the girls need the blankets more than me. I gave the one I'd had at the chair to the new girl." Blinked again, and furrowed his brow. Mumbled, "Damn if I can't remember all their names now..."  
  
"Amanda," she said absently.  
  
Made a little 'oh' sound. "Thanks. Okay."  
  
She was lost in her mind, considering what blankets she could use, there were two spares on her bed, including the flat sheet, and she slept with two pillows, so... "I think I'm gonna get to bed." Looked at him. "Where do you wanna sleep?" Sincerely, honestly, she needed to know where HE wanted to be. She knew he'd pull back like he had about her touching him, but... she had to try.  
  
Shrugged again, motioned to the kitchen. "Here is fine. Been here for two nights now. If I put the chair right, I can sleep right through sunrise without a problem.  
  
Her mouth firmed. "That's not what I asked." Her feet swung again, barely brushing his knees. She hated that he pulled back, even though he had every reason to. "Spike, where do you wanna sleep?"  
  
Sighed. Mumbled. "Doesn't matter, Buffy. I'm fine here. I don't have anywhere I WANT to sleep. I just have places where I DO sleep."  
  
She sighed, and slipped off the counter, grabbing his wrist, tugging him behind her. "Fine. You have a new place where you DO sleep."  
  
Almost growled in suprise, and winced when being yanked out of the chair made still mending ribs grate almost auditably. Tugged backwards a little, shaking his head slightly. "Buffy... what are you... Where are we going?"  
  
She was in a snit now, and just stomped up the stairs, and into her bedroom. She ripped the top blanket off, and tugged away one of the pillows. Pointed. "Sleep."  
  
Stood in the doorway, staring at her. "Buffy. No." Turned to go back downstairs.  
  
She grabbed his arm, forcing him to look at her. She stared at him, the same angry face as before, but a bit of insecurity reflected in her eyes, and her bottom lip wavered before she firmed it again. "Spike. Please lay down."  
  
Very quietly, "I can't."  
  
"Yes, you can." Why was this upsetting her so much? "See? I... I have a blanket and pillow, I won't even be in here to bother you."  
  
Shook his head. Still quietly. "I mean I CAN'T, Buffy. I can't lay down, okay? It hurts to put my full weight horizontal. That's why I've been sleeping in chairs since you saved me."  
  
Her hands reached for him of their own volition, and Buffy forced them back, fisting them beside her hips. "Okay." Her voice had quieted. "You can use the pillows to prop up and sleep like that."  
  
He wanted her to touch him. Wanted it with his whole being, but... He wasn't worthy... Never would be, never had been. So he'd pulled away, even though his every instinct was telling him to let her help him. That he NEEDED help. But.. insecurities won out over instincts this time and he ducked his head slightly, practically whispering, "I can't take your bed, Buffy. You need it. I'll be fine in the kitchen."  
  
It hurt, the way he leaned away from her. Probably didn't even like her smell anymore. "I'll make you a deal," quiet, sad, shy.  
  
Paused in the doorway. Quietly, barely looking over his shoulder at her, "Which would be?"  
  
She steeled her resolve, and said firmly, "You let me fix you, or you take the bed. Just one."  
  
Swallowed, turning to face her. Quietly, "Not much you could do, pet. The wounds that are still healin'... They don't show on the outside. Gratein' ribs..." Lowered his voice even further. "Various holes..." Sighed. "I'll be fine in a few days... I can still work with the SITs... I'm fine, really..." This last was said almost desperately, as if he felt that, if he was left out of training, that he had no purpose.  
  
Buffy nodded. Heard the desperation. "We need you out there, Spike. Those girls... And they won't be able to do you any serious damage for a while yet anyway." She bent, scooped up the blanket, set the pillow back on the bed. "Sleep well, Spike." Attempted to brush past him to leave the room.  
  
This time it was he, who caught her arm. "Wait..."  
  
Her eyes lifted to his in silence askance.  
  
Quietly, almost nervously, "I.. I don't think you can do anything but... If you want to take a look... I think.. I think I'd like that..." The look in his eyes told her he spoke the truth.  
  
She nodded, walked silently into the bathroom.  
  
He swallowed and followed her, pausing just inside the doorway, head cocked slightly. "Thought that the first aid kit was in the kitchen... Or have our recent 'adventures' depleted that one?"  
  
She gave him a small smile. "I've gotta go get more supplies, this is the last kit." Closed the toilet lid, gestured for him to sit.  
  
Sat obediently on the toilet and moved to roll up his shirt a little, hoping that his sides didn't look as bad as they felt.  
  
She winced as she took it in, her hands moving over his chest without touching it, taking inventory of his abuse. His ribs were barely cracked, but too bruised to tape up. The 'various holes' he had spoken of were also halfway healed. She reached for his shirt where he had rolled it up. Grasped it, made as if to lift it off his head.  
  
Swallowed slightly, but raised his arms, supressing the wince that came with the motion, letting her pull it off.  
  
She dropped it negligently into a corner, inspected high on his ribs. Same as before... But his shoulders... Her fingers barely brushed them. "God, Spike..." Cuts, burns, the faint imprint of a cross.  
  
Sighed softly. Quietly, almost whispered, "Now you know why I can't lay down."  
  
She cleaned them as gently as possible, bandages more for cushioning than anything else. She came to the cross, traced it softly, then spread an anti-biotic cream on it, regardless of whether it helped vampires or not. "Why won't you take my bed?"  
  
"Cause you need it more than I do. I've slept on concrete, Buffy. You're the Slayer. You're the one these girls are counting on. I'm the trained vampire. When it comes down to it, who deserves the bed? Seems pretty clear to me." There was more, but... Going into it wouldn't be good. And he knew it.  
  
She shook her head. "We need you, and you're hurt. I can crash with Dawn." She fiddled with the guaze. "I.. I know the sheets smell... like me. But, I can wash them tomorrow, and... then you won't have to worry about it."  
  
Blinked, this time confusedly. "Why would it worry me?"  
  
She stuffed the supplies back in the case. "I.. I know you don't... like to have to sleep in a bed that smells like me."  
  
Blinked again, then his eyes widened slightly. She thought WHAT?? Blinked again, cocking his head. Quietly, "Actually... That's why I'd been in the recliner... Smells like you. S'got a combination of scents but... Mostly you... It.. That is, it.." Mumbled. "Helps me relax... No nightmares when it smells like you."  
  
She looked up at him, genuinely surprised. "I-really? ... me?"  
  
Was looking down at the floor, half expecting her to be disgusted by that little revelation, looked up, suprise etched on his own features. "Of course... Buffy, you're the only thing lately that is.. Of any comfort at all to me... When I think of you, or you're close, or smell you.... I don't feel so lost... I remember that I'm here for a reason. And that I can make it through... Cause you believe in me..." Swallowed. "That... That's the only reason that I'm here now."  
  
She did touch him then, ready, willing for him to pull back, but she wanted to, so badly. Just three fingers to the edge of one razor sharp cheekbone. "I do believe in you. I know.. you.. won't believe me, but... it's been... really really nice to have you back." How aptly understated, she applauded herself, her words sticking in her throat.  
  
Swallowed, but didn't pull away. In fact, almost the opposite. Closed his eyes slightly and tilted his head, almost unnoticably, toward her hand, the warm touch so familiar, reassuring... Comforting. Quietly. "Been nice to be back, too."  
  
She slid her fingers down the rest of his cheekbone, whispered, "I know... I said you only had to take one... but will you please take the bed?"   
  
He blinked and sighed a little. "Buffy, pet... You need your bed. You need to sleep and be comfortable. I'll be-" Paused, seeing the look on her face. Quietly, "My turn to make you a deal."  
  
"What?"  
  
Sighed again. "I'll take the bed if... If you stay in here, too... I can't run you out of your room... I don't even belong here. Should ask Clem for my crypt back soon... Will. Tomorrow."  
  
"Okay. You're..." She fidgeted. "It's okay to stay here."  
  
Gave a wry chuckle. "Buffy, this house is fuller than most orphanages. I'm just takin' up space. Don't need the pet vampire hangin' around." Moved past her, sighing a little, and into her room, sitting on the side of the bed and looking at her. "Don't worry. I won't be here tomorrow night. I'm sure Clem kept the crypt nice. Got a bed there. I'll be fine."  
  
She nodded, knowing when to cut her losses. "Xander is putting on the puffy suit tomorrow, and gonna let the SIT's beat on him. I'm gonna patrol for a while."  
  
A look of almost... dissapointment? flashed across his face as he made a little pile of pillows to lean back on, glancing at her. "Good. They need that kind of training. It'll be good for them." Looked at her. "They're gonna make it, Buffy.... All of you are gonna make it."  
  
She shrugged off her robe, made a little nest on the floor. "No."  
  
Blinked at her, rolling, slightly painfully, over to look at her. "And what do you mean by that, Slayer? This group... You're gonna make it... We might lose one or two of the potentials in the process... I'm not doubting that, but... This group, as a whole, you're gonna make it."  
  
She shook her head again. "*We're* going to make it, Spike. *Our* group is gonna make it."  
  
Quietly. "No. *Your*. Buffy, I told you. I don't belong here."  
  
She sat up, leaned on the bed, close to his face. "Then where the hell do you belong, Spike? You fight for us, fight with us. You have a *soul*. You can't be like them anymore. So where do you belong, if not with us?"  
  
Sighed. "That's just it. I don't know. Don't think I want to know. Pretty much decided to leave if I live through this..." Sighed again. "I'm only a liabilty here. I can help, from time to time but... I do more harm than good, Buffy. What if the First gets control again? What if *I* am the way It takes out the potentials? Convenient, isn't it? Right here. Same house. Easy access."  
  
"That's... not even a risk right now. Not for a while." She ignored the part about him leaving. Like everyone else. Walking out on them, on her, on Dawn... "You help. You know those girls would be dead by now if you hadn't helped a little."  
  
Sighed again and winced at the pain in his ribs. Mumbled something about all he does is hurt people, not looking at her, staring up at the ceiling. Bed or not... He wasn't going to be sleeping any time soon.  
  
"Seems to me like you're the only one ever hurt." She laid her head on the mattress, eyes downcast.  
  
Quietly. "Where have you been, then? Cause it obviously wasn't where I was."  
  
"I've seen. But it wasn't you." She shrugged. "Free will. And that makes all the difference."  
  
Sighed again. "Wish I felt that way... You don't know what it's like to have your life taken over by something... More than once... First Dru... Then the chip... Now the First... I haven't had free will in a long time, Slayer. I'm used to that."  
  
"Being someone's bitch and not being able to eat people are a lot different than having your body taken over and used. Okay? It's... That's... It's... different."  
  
"To you. To me, it's life."  
  
"I'm trying." Her head drooped. "I'm not *getting* anywhere, but I'm trying. You'll be free again."  
  
He was quiet for a few moments, barely breathing, sighing softly. Quietly, seemingly out of the blue, "Why?"  
  
"Why what?"  
  
Still quietly, almost inauditably. "Why do you care so much about what happens to me? All I do is fail you. Hurt people... Hurt you. I'm not worth this, Buffy. Just... Focus on training the potentials... They're the important people here."  
  
"You're important to me. And I think you're worth it. And I never give up on people I care about. Ever."  
  
He swallowed slightly. Why did she keep doing this? Keep giving him hope... Making him think that she could possibly... No. But it did make it increasingly harder to convince himself to leave. Almost whispered. "Thank you, then. I don't know why you care, but... Thank you. Nice to know someone does."  
  
She turned her head, peeked up at him. "I always have."  
  
Gave a very small smile and swallowed, glancing at her for a second, before looking back up at the ceiling. "Somehow... I knew that already. Still don't understand the 'why' part, but... I do know it."  
  
She nodded, pulled the blanket over herself, settled against the mattress, closed her eyes.  
  
He settled back, trying trying unsuccessfully to go to sleep, closing his eyes and sighing, listening to her breathing. He felt... he didn't know what it was. Wasn't bad but... Wasn't really good, either. A kind of... nervous fluttering, deep inside... And it almost hurt, but didn't. He hated this feeling. This... not knowing feeling. And having had it before, it still bothered him.   
  
He opened his eyes, staring up at the ceiling, listening to her apparently sleeping breathing. He was right. He wouldn't be sleeping tonight. Not at all. Too many thoughts. Too many feelings.... Swallowed. And those things always lead to nightmares. So... No sleeping was better. Yes. No sleeping tonight.  
  
Buffy fell into a light sleep, one hand knotting in the blanket over Spike. Images of him in the dank hole, battered, came to her again. The cuts, the burns... Her stomach twisted, and tears fell softly from her closed eyes. Pulling him from the cross, training with the potentials, hurting him... "So sorry," she whimpered.  
  
He blinked, looking down at her, his hand going to her hair of it's own violition, stroking softly, justifying it because she was asleep. Quietly. "It's okay, Buffy... Everyone's okay... Shh..."  
  
Another quietly keening cry. "Didn't want to hurt him... Stop touching, Buffy. Stop it. ... doesn't like it... doesn't want it... Hurts him..."  
  
Blinked confusedly. Whatever she was dreaming about... It was bothering her... He didn't like her crying... Oh dear God, she was crying... He rolled and got up, moving to his knees and putting his arms around her without thinking, holding her to his chest, ignoring the pain in his sides and nuzzling her a little, murmuring little words of comfort.  
  
She curled into a small ball, huddling against him.  
  
He kept his arms around her, purring very quietly, rubbing one of his hands over her back and resting his chin atop her head, still mumbling comfortingly.  
  
Buffy quieted slightly, turning against him more, murmuring, "Didn't mean... hurt... him.."  
  
Quietly, cause he HAD to ask, "I'm sure you didn't hurt... Who do you think you hurt, Buffy?"  
  
"Broke him," she mumbled. "Broke Spike."  
  
He blinked. Of all the things he'd been expecting, that had not been one of them. So, he did the only thing he could think of. He nuzzled her and tightened his arms around her, purring a little louder. Very quietly, "No you didn't, Buffy. You saved Spike. You are the only reason he made it through what he did. You saved Spike, Buffy. You saved me..." Trailed off, not even realising he'd changed from third to first person at the last sentence.  
  
Her breathing evened out, and her body relaxed against Spike's, a deep sleep claiming her for the first time in weeks.   
  
He didn't know what to do. Couldn't let her go... Disentangling himself from her might wake her up, and she looked so relaxed... He blinked, suddenly feeling very sleepy himself and giving a small yawn, settling down against the side of the bed, her still in his arms, his head resting on hers, and closed his eyes. Somehow knowing that this time, despite the thoughts and confusion and feelings... He wasn't going to have any trouble sleeping after all.  
  
======================================================  
  
A god-awful buzzing startled her awake, seemingly only minutes later. Her eyes felt dry, and irritated, her throat tight. Something made an almost growling sound near her ear and something resting atop her head shifted, a.. arms? Tightening a little around her. ARMS??! She stiffened, taking in the hands attached to the arms. Long tapering fingers, pale as ivory, not quite cool. Spike? Spike was behind her? She maneuvered away slowly, the buzzing making her crazy.   
  
Her dream came back in technicolor, and she paled, wondering what had happened that would so move Spike to hold her, when... only the night before, he had shied away from any contact with her.  
  
He shifted against the bed, hand moving around, trying to find her and only finding the blanket that she'd put it on the floor and desperately trying to curl up under it. He'd been so warm and now... Nothing but cold...  
  
Buffy knelt after she slapped the alarm, adjusted the blanket over Spike.  
  
Warm thing. Close by... Where? His hand shot out from under the blanket and locked on her wrist, tugging weakly dispite the strength of the grip, not hard enough to hurt, but hard enough that she wouldn't get loose easy. Mumbled, "Warm... c'mon back... Too cold here..."  
  
His hand tugging at her wrist upset her precarious morning balance, and set her gracelessly piled on the floor next to him.  
  
Almost instantly, his arms were around her, his head resting on top of hers again, and giving a sigh, his chest vibrating softly. Purring.  
  
She sighed as he settled her more comfortably against him. This felt so good... Comfortable.  
  
He made a little humming noise, trying to hide his nose in her hair, partially to warm it, and partially to get closer to the her scent, purring a little louder and mumbling something about loving her.. always.  
  
Something warm twisted in her, and she smiled. "I know."  
  
He gave a little sigh, seemingly of contentment, his body relaxing back into a deeper sleep, but arms staying around her, still purring.  
  
"Why do you still love me?" she questioned softly, hoping to not wake him, but ellicit a response.  
  
Mumbled into her hair, so that only a Slayer would have caught it. "Because... You... you're amazing... Buffy... Love Buffy... Love is.. is forever... Never stop.. She believes in me, you know... Can't let her down again... Never hurt her again...  
  
"You won't," she murmured.  
  
Nuzzled closer, trying to tighten his arms around her with a soft whimper. "Might... Lost control before... I'm sorry... Didn't tell her... She can never trust me... Believes in me... never trust me... said it herself..."  
  
Her hands rested over his, stroking softly. "Does now. Trusts you. Believes in you. Protect you."  
  
Swallowed a little, mumbled, now partialy dreaming, "Said... 'Ask me again why I could never love you'... Never love me... Never trust me... Believes in me... More than I deserve..."  
  
Buffy winced, but repeated, "Trusts you..."  
  
He shook his head, swallowing auditably in his sleep, if he'd been awake, it might have been fighting back tears. Very very quietly, "No... I don't want her to... Then.. when I fail... It'll only hurt worse.."  
  
"You won't fail, baby... You can't. You don't know how."  
  
He whimpered a little in his sleep, swallowing hard again and trying to get closer. "Have before... failed her... at the tower... failed her... Dawn cut... she died... cause of me... all cause of me... failed her.. Couldn't help her... Tried... only hurt her..."  
  
"Helped her. Listened to her... Let her be sad. Loved her. Never gave up."  
  
Shook his head slightly, now resting his forehead atop her head, his face hidden in her hair, something he never would have done, had he been awake. Muffled by her hair, "Not enough. Can't make up for... I almost... Can't risk it... If she touches me... I want her to... Want to be held... Want her to comfort me... Don't deserve it... Might hurt her... pull away... Always pull away..."  
  
The truth hurt as much as her misconception had. "I'm not afraid of you. You won't hurt me. I want to touch you, too."  
  
His arms tightened around her and he drew in a slow breath. Quietly, still mostly asleep. "She does? You do? Why?"  
  
She closed her eyes, prayed he was still sleeping, and said, "Because you mean more to me now than you ever have before."  
  
He shifted slightly, snuggling a little closer, somehow, pulling her back against his chest, still vibrating with the purr. Mumbled, very quietly, "S'how... I feel... about you... More now... than ever..."  
  
She picked up one of his hands off her waist, brushed her lips against it.   
  
His muscles, which had been tense, even in sleep, suddenly started to relax at the gentle touch and he gave a little sigh, smiling very slightly into her hair.  
  
She wanted... needed to hear him say it. "You love me."  
  
Just the words seemed to set him off, as if he had to repeat it for her to believe it, and thought so even in sleep. Very quietly, mumbled into her hair. "I love you, Buffy... I love you... For always... Forever... I love you..."  
  
It made her shake, that with or without a soul, his feelings didn't change. His love was still deep, pulsing. And the tightness in her chest wouldn't quit.   
  
His body relaxed against her, and his breathing very nearly stopped completely, only the soul keeping the reflexive, unneeded action going. Kept his arms around her, though... As if he was afraid that she'd disappear if he let go... Maybe he was.  
  
She turned slightly, more into him. It was Saturday. Chores and all could wait. Now, her cheek was resting against Spike's nose, instead of her hair.  
  
A few minutes later, Spike blinked, then closed his eyes and furrowed his brow a little. Okay. He was going to open his eyes again, and there was NOT going to be skin in front of his nose. Yep. Just open and- Uh oh. He slowly became aware of his arms being around what he assumed was the owner of the patch of skin in front of his nose. He took a very hesitant sniff and swallowed. Oh no. Buffy. He was going to be in soo much trouble when she woke up... Unless... He started to try and disentangle himself from her, very very slowly, trying not to wake her.  
  
Buffy still assumed he was asleep, and rubbed her cheek gently against his nose.  
  
He blinked again at the motion... almost a carress... Suddenly, letting go was the LAST thing he wanted to do... But, if she woke up... Wait a minute. He listened to her heartbeat. There was no mistaking that. She was dozing, but she wasn't asleep. She was at the place where she'd HAVE to be aware of where she was... right? And he was still in one piece... That was good... He tried an experiment, tightening his arms just a little and allowing himself to purr a little louder, all the while expecting an elbow to the ribs and to be tossed across the room.  
  
She moved her head slightly, her cheek now resting against his, drawing in his scent lightly at the curve of his neck.  
  
This was officially strange. And he couldn't figure it out... He'd been so certain that, if she knew he was there, that she'd pull away, and yet... She was awake. She was concious... And he wasn't in an ashtray. Apparently he was either having the most realistic non-nightmare dream he'd ever had, or this was real... And if it was real.. He had no idea what to do. Swallowed slightly, a little nervous, trying to figure out if he should let her know he's awake, or keep pretending to be asleep and prolong this as long as possible.  
  
"Missed that," she murmured quietly, her lips almost brushing the skin of his shoulder. And she had. "Hands... voice, smell..." She was sure he'd be scrambling across the floor if he was awake. Knew it. One hand lifted to touch gently, a feather light caress, at his shoulder.  
  
He had to physically fight a tremble at her touch, swallowing again and nuzzling her slightly without even thinking of it. Had come to the decision that, if this was a dream, he never wanted to wake up, and if it wasn't... he wanted to prolong it as long as possible. He kept his eyes closed, relaxing a little and purring slightly louder, giving a very small contented sigh. Had decided to work on the equation: Gift horse + mouth = don't look.  
  
Quietly, sadly, "I don't want you to leave. You will, and I won't say a word against it. Who can blame you?", she asked rhetorically. "I wouldn't stay with me either. I hope you're happier where you go to."  
  
He blinked, her words sinking in. Hoped he sounded asleep as he replied quietly, "Not leaving... If you don't want me to. Thought you did."  
  
Her forehead now rested against his shoulder, her mouth moving against his collarbone as she mumbled, "Never wanted you to leave. Not really."  
  
Very quietly, almost inauditably, answered without thinking. "Then I won't." Oh god. He didn't sound asleep there... Had to hope that she was enough out of it not to catch that little hitch in his voice.  
  
Buffy's brows drew together at that. He didn't sound... as asleep. But she didn't care. At this moment, she just didn't. Just pursed her mouth, gently kissing his collarbone, saying nothing.  
  
Oh.. That was a test of restraint if he'd ever endured one. That little touch, that gentle kiss... All he wanted to do was tighten his arms around her even more and hold her there, never letting go. As it was, he couldn't completely stem the little warbling purr/chirp of appriciation and pleasure at the kiss, and nuzzled her slightly again, unable to hold back completely after that.   
  
She was willing to pretend she was asleep. Relaxed against him, one hand moving lazily to rest at his waist. Prayed he wouldn't end the game.  
  
Her heartbeat had jumped when she realized that he was awake. He'd heard it. And yet... she was still acting as if she was asleep, knowing he could hear her heartbeat. Knowing that he knew she was awake... Well, if she could play, so could he. Just for a short time, they could have this. These precious moments neither wanted to end... So neither would.   
  
He nuzzled her again, smiling very little, feeling truely safe for the first time since he got his soul. Feeling... at home. She cared. She didn't want him to leave. She believed in him... It was more than he could ever ask. Far more than he deserved. And here she was, conciously cuddling with him, something that they hadn't even done in their 'relationship' the previous year. And he was loving every second of it. Which meant, with her door locked as it was, this wouldn't be ending any time soon, if it were up to him.  
  
Buffy's thumb moved slowly, stroking the skin under her finger, wondering why she hadn't done this last year... She had never really just sat back, and appreciated him. Not for his mind, not for his heart... Not even his body, unless you counted that... exceptional region below his hips. His skin was so soft, but the muscle beneath so hard. Just the opposite of him. All gruff and tough, but get inside his heart... He had definite teddy bear potential.  
  
Spike sighed again, letting one hand around her waist move very slightly, kind of stroking her side where it rested, a motion that MIGHT have been made in sleep, but probably not. But, they both knew the game now, so... It didn't matter. He tilted his head a little, resting it a little more on hers, giving her finger a slightly larger place that it could reach, enjoying the touch. He hadn't known that he missed her this much. Her touch... And even before... It'd never been this gentle... This was.. nice. He liked it. Purred a little louder to let her know.  
  
Her other fingers slowly joined the touching, innocently tracing the area, warming it. She leaned slightly into his touch, relishing the feel of it. She'd never let him be gentle. She was always afraid of it. But... it was different now. It wasn't desperate. Only caring.  
  
He sighed again, starting to think that he would never be able to stop smiling now, kept moving his hand, just stroking softly. Nuzzled her very gently, almost unable to control that particular expression of affection, so deeply ingrained in a vampire... It would be like trying to stop a cat from rubbing on your legs. Raised his shoulder into her hand very slightly, sighing softly.  
  
It gave her an excuse to press her lips to his skin again, fingers gently moving against his shoulder. Nuzzled her mouth against him again. She could 'sleep' like this for hours.  
  
So could he, actually. In fact... He was considering just never moving. Forget the world. Forget the potentials. Forget the First. Very quietly, mumbled, "..just stay..." Hadn't meant to say that out loud, but... Part of the 'game'. At least he sounded sleepy.  
  
Her other hand gently touched the ridge of one ab. ".. Long as you want me to," she whispered.  
  
Purred even louder, moving very slightly to press against her hand unobtrusively, nuzzling her again. Mumbled, barely auditable, "...forever..."  
  
She turned her head, her nose now in his neck, nuzzled gently. She murmured quietly, "...okay..." And surprised herself by how deeply she meant it.  
  
Gave a sigh of pure contentment, resting his cheek against her forehead, a very comfortable position. He felt like he was flying. The residual pains from his torture sessions suddenly completely gone, body relaxed, hand still stroking very gently on her side and moving the fingers of the other to slightly massage her tummy where it rested, purring loudly. Honestly no longer caring where they were, barely even concious that they were on the floor, in a nest of blankets, sitting up... None of that mattered. Just her. His whole world was here. Right here. His whole world was her.  
  
"I missed you so much," she told him. Missed talking to him, screaming at him, laughing with him, fighting by his side. She didn't really care that she didn't sound asleep.   
  
Sensing that the game didn't matter anymore, he sighed. Quietly, "Probably not half as much as I missed you...."  
  
She kept touching him, her hands smoothing over him, wondering how he would react, without the charade to guide them.  
  
His own hands never stopped their own motions, rubbing lightly at her side and stomach, the purring never getting quieter, and nuzzled her again, hoping for a response. "I missed your scent, you know," he mumbled quietly. "Every time... I'd keep seeing things that made me think of you... Like those crazy people who see the virgin Mary in a tortilla... Only mine was.. everywhere... Dunno how else to discribe it..."  
  
She pressed closer to him, her nose sniffing gently at him. "I always saw you at the Bronze... And the grocery store..." She missed the way he had tasted, smelt, felt... Everything.  
  
Chuckled slightly, hands still moving gently, tightening his arms just a little, hugging her, holding her. "You think that's bad... I saw a tree... In Africa... And till I got within about ten feet of it... I thought it was you."  
  
She butted her head against him gently. "I look like a tree?"  
  
He chuckled again softly. "No. Well.. You're stronger than most trees... and I do associate you with wood, so... Honest mistake. And being half insane probably didn't help, either."  
  
Her hand moved around, to stroke gently at his back, tentatively. "Oh." Silence. "You smell good."  
  
He blinked and nuzzled her a little, smiling. "So do you." He moved very slightly, pressing his back against her hand very slightly, letting her know that it was okay. Quietly, "Why were we so... nervous before? About touching, I mean... This is.. nice."  
  
Her hand moved more surely, almost kneading with it's strokes. "Wasn't about being nice," she mumbled.  
  
He shrugged very slightly, then winced a little, mumbled, "Little harder, right there... Got a knot... If you don't mind, that is."  
  
She moved her other hand to join her first, rubbing slightly harder at the indicated spot. Kept her face buried in his neck and mumbled something.  
  
He nudged her very slightly with his cheek. "What was that, pet?"  
  
She kept her head down, said just as quietly, "It could be this time."  
  
He had to have heard her wrong... Right? She couldn't have... Okay. He WAS dreaming after all... Wasn't he? Very quietly, almost nervous sounding, " 'This time'? There's... there's a time?" Blinked. Muttered, forgetting she could hear. "Well. That was eloquent..."  
  
She grinned at his self-directed remarks, then fidgeted slightly. "Maybe... ya know..."  
  
He licked his lips nervously, then swallowed. Quietly, same tone, "You'd.. want to?"  
  
"Ya know.. if... Maybe you wanted, too."  
  
He tenatively leaned his head against hers again, giving a small nuzzle. Very very quietly, "I'd be willing."  
  
"O-oh."  
  
Started moving his hands again, slowly. Quietly, "Was that a yes or a no, luv?" The petname was a gamble, and he knew it... Only used it once since he'd been back, and that had been a slip. This one was concious decision.  
  
Mmm.. That too, she had missed. The endearments, the gentle stroking... All of it Spike. "I'm pretty sure it was a yeah."  
  
He relaxed again, nuzzling her and purring louder again. Smiling softly. "Good. Was hopin' that's what it was." He swallowed, considering broaching a subject, and deciding against it. Nothing that could possibly ruin this blissful mood that seemed to envelope the room at the moment.  
  
She moved closer still to him, asked, "What are you thinking?"  
  
He mumbled, almost not wanting her to hear, "Wanted to know if I'm allowed to say it... You always told me not to before.."  
  
"I... I think that'd be... nice..." What an understatement. She had missed hearing that, too. That gentle insistence in his voice.  
  
He relaxed again, not even knowing when he tensed up. Whispered, "I love you, Buffy. And... thank you for letting me... For a second.. or third... chance... I've lost count. But... Thanks."  
  
She nodded, saying quietly, "Thanks for not holding what a bitch I was against me."  
  
He blinked, honestly confused. "Huh? Buffy... you were hurting. I helped... only way I knew how. How can I hold anything against you? You.. you didn't do anything wrong."  
  
"I did. I hurt you, over, and over, just because I knew I could hurt you and you wouldn't walk away. That was wrong, Spike." And it was. And it had taken some time to come to terms with.  
  
Very very quietly, "You didn't do anything to me that's half as bad as what I did to you, Buffy. You have nothing to apologize... I'm the one who should be groveling at your feet and begging forgiveness..."  
  
Her hand moved to cover his mouth gently. Shook her head. "We're done with that."  
  
He swallowed, and, on an impulse, very gently kissed her hand, praying that she wouldn't jerk away.  
  
She left her hand there, though a jolt did indeed jet through her system. She let one finger outline his lips, in her own wave of bravery, and pressed a kiss to his neck.  
  
His loud purring instantly assured her that he wouldn't pull away, instead tilting his head a little so that she fitted better, and nudging her hand, almost playfully, with his nose, giving another small kiss at the same time.  
  
She lifted her head, looking at him with a questioning smile playing at the corners of her mouth.  
  
He cocked his head slightly, moving one of his hands up, running it up her arm to the hand over his mouth and gently pulling it down, slowly, tenatively tangling their fingers a little. Quietly, "In this.. 'time' that we're trying... are we allowed... I mean, that is... Can we..." Trails off, making a slight face at his own apparent lack of eloquence. Tried again, "Can I kiss you?"  
  
She looked at their lightly linked hands, and slid her fingers closer to his. Gave him a tiny grin. "I'm pretty sure that'd be okay."  
  
He blinked slowly and swallowed, suddenly feeling like a teenager out on his first date... ever. And slowly leaned toward her, gently touching his lips to hers, eyes fluttering closed.  
  
Had they ever kissed like this? Was she... did he like..? She kissed him back tentatively, mouth closed against his, heart hammering. They'd never kissed like this before. Never taken the time, to explore. Did he like her like this? Was this... was she... was it okay?  
  
He brought his other hand up, to her hair, gently running his fingers through it at the back of her head, still holding her hand with his other. Sensing her nervousness, he pulled back slightly, then moved in again when she unconciously moved her head to follow him, purring loudly.  
  
Her free hand came up to rest on his throat, her thumb stroking along his jaw. She pulled back slightly, to feather kisses on his mouth. Gently, sweetly.  
  
He was suddenly very glad that they weren't standing up, because his legs felt like jell-o. And the feeling was spreading, seemingly enveloping his whole body in a wonderful tingly sensation... something he'd never felt before. He nuzzled against her thumb very slightly, meeting her every soft kiss with one of his own, still purring loudly.  
  
His bottom lip was suddenly the focus of her attention, catching it between her two, kissing it solely, nibbling gently, her tongue almost touching it.  
  
He made a very quiet sound of pleasure, and did something without even thinking. A time honored vampiric gesture of affection, he bumped her nose with his. Something he'd never dared to do before, because their 'relationship' hadn't seemed the place for such gestures... Why he did it now, he wasn't even sure, but... Too late to stop now.  
  
She looked up at him, almost distracted from her minstrations, and bumped her nose against his in return.  
  
His eyes opened and he blinked, suddenly wishing he had a way to speak to her without the use of his mouth. However, he probably couldn't anyway. The jell-o feeling had officially taken over his whole body and he went partially limp, leaning back against the bed, purring loudly. Kept stroking her hair, squeezing her hand a little with his other one gently.  
  
She glanced up into his eyes as she kissed him again, memorizing the emotions, the changes in color, reflected in them.  
  
When she pulled back a little, he mumbled against her lips, "I love you..." The tone of voice almost sounding awed, as if he'd just discovered something rare and precious, and wasn't sure if it was real.  
  
A warmth pulsed through her, and her heart pounded more deeply than it had a moment ago. "I believe you."  
  
His eyes sparkled with a sudden hint of playfulness. Quietly, "Took you long enough..." Smiled at her.  
  
She smiled, nuzzled her nose against his again. "Be quiet."  
  
Chuckled very softly. "Okay. I'm good at that. Had practice. Watch." Shut his mouth and just looked at her, eyes smiling, even managing to quiet his purring, just a little.  
  
She watched his eyes take her in as long as it was comfortable, a record of about fifteen seconds. "Stop it," she mumbled, looking down.  
  
He blinked, cocking his head a little. Whispered, as he started to rub her side again with the hand that had slid down from her hair. "Sorry. Didn't mean to bother you."  
  
She shrugged. "You just... look. And it's... I always wanna go check the mirror, see what's on my face."  
  
Very quietly, "Nothin' on you, luv. Just.. you. I could stare at you for hours... Did, once. The first time you fell asleep down at the crypt... One of the few. Just spent about three hours watching you sleep. Somehow... You always seem to be more beautiful every time I look at you..." Blinked. "Always wondered how you do that."  
  
She ducked her head again, a small smile finding it's way to her mouth. "Must be the watcher."  
  
He chuckled a little, and grinned. "Well then. Does that make me a Watcher? Since I've spent seven years 'watching' the Slayer?"  
  
"Always looked out for me. Must be."   
  
He cocked his head slightly, thinking. "Wonder what Rupert would think 'bout that."  
  
She shrugged, one hand moving to play at his throat again. "Don't wanna think about Giles right now."  
  
"Me neither." He tilted his head a little to allow her better access. Mumbled, "Like that..."  
  
She kept moving gently. "That?" When had her voice lowered?  
  
A very slight nod as his eyes drifted closed. Quietly, "Yeah... nice... Got this... comfy feelin'... Dunno what it is. Never felt it before."  
  
With his eyes closed, she leaned in, hand still smoothing softly, brushed her lips against his throat.  
  
Smiled, making a little sound of pleasure at the back of his throat. Mumbled, "And... whatever it is... feeling just got bigger... S'spreadin', it is..."  
  
She moved her kisses up slowly, to bite oh-so-softly at his earlobe, breathing gently into it.  
  
This time the sound was identifiable, as a small growl, one that she'd heard many times before, yet... somehow having a different connotation this time. It was less carnal. Sure, it was there, but so was a lot of open caring he had hidden before. She kissed along his jaw, up to the corner of his mouth.  
  
He turned his head, touching his lips to hers again, giving a very soft nip at her lower one, playfully, eyes smiling at her again.  
  
She smiled back, lips parted slightly.  
  
He was cautious, unsure of the invitation, and he hesitated slightly, tongue barely brushing her lips as their mouths met.  
  
She teased his mouth slowly open. Didn't want to rush, didn't want to scare him... Wanted him to know. It was okay. It was beyond okay .  
  
The moment their tongues touched, it was almost like a burst of electricity, but not painful. Anything but painful, and it seemed to radiate out from there to every part of their bodies. He tightened his arm around her, still gently rubbing her side, and squeezing her hand gently with the other one, pressing their palms together.  
  
She began the dance slowly, molding her mouth to his, clutching his hand. It was a little scary for her, too...  
  
It was... somehow, the first time. The heat was there but, not the... frantic quality that their 'true' first kiss had. And less music as well. Less real music, anyway. Plenty that just seemed to go through their heads. Spike felt as if he was floating. This still had that strange, dream-like quality to it... And he would have thought it a dream, if he hadn't felt so nervous. Hadn't known till just then that it was possible for a vampire to have stomach butterflies.  
  
She had been nervous, still was, truth to tell, and she wasn't sure how she dealt with slow and sweet. But... It was really good so far. So gentle. The gentle twisting in her stomach felt so much better than her former eaten-away desperation. She scooted in slowly, wanting to be closer to him.  
  
The way they were sitting, their legs were twisted in a fashion that, in sleep, would be fine, but awake, was uncomfortable. Spike shifted his a little, accidentally tangling them slightly with Buffy's, then doing it more delibrately, using it as another way to hold her closer. Also finally let go of her hand, only to slip the other arm around her, holding her to him in a gentle embrace, as they continued to kiss.  
  
She pulled back slowly, one finger coming up to touch at her swollen bottom lip, looking at him, eyes wide.  
  
He was panting slightly, despite the total unnessisary-ness of the motion, expression almost identical to hers. Very quietly, almost to himself, "Wow..."  
  
She gave a small laugh. "You always said you could do slow, too."  
  
Blinked and chuckled very slightly. "That I did... Somehow, though, I didn't expect this..." Furrowed his brow a little, trying to figure out how to word it. "I've got this strange feeling... Nice, but strange. Like... jello. Or a wet noodle..." Paused at a sudden growl from both their stomachs. "And I'd probably better stop using food metaphors for awhile." Chuckled again.  
  
She grinned, one hand on her stomach. "First time I've been hungry in a while."  
  
He looked down at his own stomach, so gaunt in places that it actually vibrated when it growled... which it did again, as if on cue. Mumbled, "Me too. Don't know if I want to eat, though..." A very soft snort. "Hell. I don't want to MOVE, let alone eat."  
  
She smiled. "Mmm... Me, either." Laid her head on his chest, one hand cupping where his heart would have beat.  
  
Mumbled, almost apologetic, "Wish I had one for you..."  
  
"You do," she murmured absently. And he did, in her mind. A heart was more than a beating organ. It was what you would do for a person, how much you cared, how you showed you loved... Spike had a heart.  
  
He almost asked her to explain what she meant by that, then just decided to believe it, settling back against the bed, his arms around her, legs still tangled in hers. Quietly, "Guess what. My sides don't hurt anymore. Or, maybe I'm just not noticing it now, but... Whatever it is... no pain is good."  
  
She smiled. "Definitely of the good." Gave him a thoughtful frown. "When did you get on the floor?"  
  
He sighed. "You were... you were havin' a nightmare... Cryin' in your sleep... Mumblin' about hurtin' me... I couldn't stand to see you like that. Had to do something... And you calmed down when I got down here, so... I stayed."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
He blinked. This side of her... it was still new to him. Smiled. "You're welcome, luv."  
  
She looked at him, a concerned frown making a line between her eyebrows. "I'm sorry. You probably didn't sleep good, then. I wanted you to.. to be comfortable and-"  
  
Let go of her with one arm and gently rested his index finger against her lips, silencing her and smiling softly. Quietly, "Buffy, I slept better last night than I have in nearly two years."  
  
Her lips curved under his finger, and she opened her mouth to hold the tip of it between her teeth. "Really?" She asked around it.  
  
He gave a small chuckle, the smile turning to a grin. "Yep. First time since... First time in a long time that I haven't had a single really bad nightmare... And, the dream I did have... I'm betting you were talking to me through part of it... Strangest thing."  
  
She let go of his finger to gnaw on her bottom lip. "Oh?"  
  
Nodded a little, sighing. "Yeah. We were... in a cemetary. Or, at least, I was. And I was at your- I was kneeling, leaning on a tombstone... And I heard your voice. So I spoke with you. Don't really remember what we talked about but... you were sitting on top of the tombstone, and I was looking up at you... and you made me feel better. That's all I remember."  
  
She wiggled forward, tentatively settling herself on his lap, resting against his chest. "Maybe... if... You wanted, you could stay here, and... we'd both sleep better."  
  
His arms tightened a little and his purr got louder. But still, couldn't resist. Raised an eyebrow. Playfully, "On the floor? Won't that get uncomfortable after awhile, pet?"  
  
Then she did something strange, that she'd never done before him. Blushed. "Umm... I mean... Wherever you'd want to..." she mumbled.  
  
He brought one hand up to gently stroke the backs of his fingers over her flushed cheek comfortingly, pressing a small kiss in her hair at the same time. Quietly, muffled a little by her hair, "I was jokin', luv... We can.. we could share the bed... If.. if you'd want to, that is... I mean, it IS your bed, and I'm just... here."  
  
"I like you here," she whispered.  
  
Nuzzled his nose into her hair, smiling. Still muffled, "I like it here, too... Remember what I said last night? About... leaving when the threat from the First has passed?"  
  
She tried to stop the frown, suceeded by her way of thinking. Neutrally, "Yeah."  
  
Very quietly, "Do us both a favor and forget it."  
  
She looked at him, vulnerability in her eyes.   
  
He nodded, confirmation. Quietly, "The only way I'm ever leaving, is if YOU tell me to. Or stake me yourself. No other way. Never again." Even quieter, "I promise."  
  
Her eyes teared and she looked down, nodded.   
  
His hand came up again, to brush one wayward tear from her cheek, very gently, only using one finger. Softly, "Don't cry, luv... I never know what to do when you cry..."  
  
Her eyes darted back and forth self-consciously. "Me either. I'm just... That's.. it's... good."  
  
His finger caught another escaped droplet, on the other cheek this time. Decided to try a bit of humor. "If you keep leakin', I'm gonna have to call a plumber. And you know how high those prices are."  
  
She let out a watery chuckle. "You know they'd make you get those damn copper pipes."  
  
Shook his head slightly. Playfully, "Copper, not your color, luv. Maybe we could get some of those new white ones. Course, they'd have to be really small... And we'd need tiny wrenches and stuff for the valves..." Trailed off at the sudden mental image of a tiny plumber, shutting off tear ducts. Looked puzzled.  
  
She laughed again, shaking her head at him. "I think it's time for you to not think so hard."  
  
Shrugged a little, chuckling. "Not working. I once spent two weeks trying to figure out the answer to a riddle. I think hard about everything I do, luv. Figure out different ways to do things. Different angles, possibilities. S'almost a hobby... But definitely a habit."  
  
"Hm." Tapped his bottom lip. "So you're definitely thinking up other ways to kiss me?"  
  
Grinned. "Oh, always. Yet another hobby."  
  
"Really?"  
  
Innocent look. "What did you THINK I did with my days?"  
  
She smiled. "Apparently, planned out your night." Grinned. "So," thoughtfully. "Have you come up with anything... creative?"  
  
Raised an eyebrow, leaning back against the bed and stretching his back a little. "Well... You know, day's still young. Haven't been thinkin' bout this for long, yet... Got to give it time. All great genius needs time, you know."  
  
One of her fingers traced the line of his collarbone. "But not... too much time, right?"  
  
Smiled, tilting his head for her again. "Well, that depends on how... creative... you want me to be, luv." Grinned.  
  
"I wouldn't want to stifle your genius, so... Let's hear your plan."  
  
Blinked. "I'm supposed to have a plan already?" Made a face. "Well, at the moment, it's more of a... plan-let. A.. little baby plan with alot of potential."  
  
"Mmm.. I like potential."  
  
Chuckled a little. "Me too... Which is probably good... At the moment, this house is literally full of it."  
  
She made a small face. "At least for the moment it's sleeping potential."  
  
He paused for a moment, eyes closing, game face coming to the fore to highten his senses, listening and counting the different sleeping heartbeats in the house, mumbling the numbers as he identifies each one.  
  
"All?"  
  
Nodded a little. "Yeah. Everyone present and accounted for... And no one that isn't supposed to be. That's good, too." His ridged brow furrowed a little and he blinked as his stomach growled again. Quietly, "Damnit."  
  
She slid off his lap, held out a hand to him. "We can have a quiet breakfast, get our food and slip back up here."  
  
He shook his head for a moment, mumbling, "Lemme get rid of this first..." Shook his head, growling softly, trying to push the demon down, the hunger making it all but impossible, and he was obviously straining to do it.  
  
She touched the ridge between his eyebrows. "S'okay."  
  
That time he did pull away, very little, then relaxed and moved back to her hand a little, nudging it. Quietly, "I need to find an off switch, one of these days...."  
  
She shrugged, looking into his golden eyes. "Doesn't bother me. It's just another part of you."  
  
Raised an eyebrow, accentuated by the ridges. "Bothers other people. The potentials, for instance." Got up slowly, stretching a little and giving a small yawn, fangs flashing a little in the muted light of the room.  
  
She leaned up, touched her mouth to his. "The only potential that matters this morning, right now, is ours."  
  
He sagged slightly, purring suddenly extremely loud, eyes closing for a moment as he visably steadied himself. Quietly, slightly playful, "Maybe, for awhile, we should only do that while sitting. My knees aren't up to it yet."  
  
She smiled. "Sorry. But you were gleaning creative ideas too slowly."  
  
He gave a little play growl, something that she hadn't heard from him before, really. Well, maybe a couple of times. "Do you want me to chase you downstairs, or are you walking?"  
  
She smiled, sniffed superiorily, and crept downstairs.  
  
He slunk behind her, moving like some kind of big cat. Except for her Slayer senses, she wouldn't have even known him to be there. Down the stairs, through the potential filled living room, and into the kitchen they snuck.  
  
She grabbed the milk, cereal, a bowl and spoon, glanced back at him.  
  
He leaned against the kitchen island, watching her get her cereal, then moved to the fridge, rooting through it quietly and finding one bag of blood at the back, sniffing at it, then putting it back and getting another one. This one, passing the sniff test, sent him looking for a mug or something to heat it up in.  
  
She glanced at him over the box of Lucky Charms. "Brown mug, on the left. Permanently yours."  
  
Nodded, getting it and squeezing the bag out into it, then putting it in the microwave. Quietly, "Need to throw out that other bag."  
  
She moved to the fridge, grabbed the bag, threw it in the trash. "Gone."  
  
Sighed, pulling the mug out of the microwave, closing the door and wincing when it's louder than he intended. Froze, listening to make sure the other occupants of the house are still sleeping, and relaxing when he heard that they were. Leaned against the counter, sipping at the mug a little.  
  
*Tense!!* She grinned at him, jerked her shoulder forward, indicating the stairs. "Let's go."  
  
He nodded again, following her, carrying his mug and still sipping at it a little. Quietly, "Good thing you didnt' choose Rice Krispies. They aren't remotely quiet."  
  
She gave a small snicker. "I like the marshmallows."  
  
Shrugged, coming up beside her on the stairs and fishing a couple of marshmallows out of her cereal, and dropping them in his mug, grinning at her. "Me too."  
  
She stuck her tongue out at him, turning into her room.  
  
He followed her, still grinning a little, and closed and locked the door behind him. "Really mature, luv. What are you, five?"  
  
"Well, who steals marshmallows? I mean... you put your fingers in my cereal. How eww is that?"  
  
Sat down on the floor beside the bed, sipping at his mug. "Slayer, you've had your tongue in my mouth. Repeatedly. And in a few other places. My finger in your cereal shouldn't bother you one bit."  
  
She glanced at him, her eyebrow arched. "I could say the same, but you don't see me sipping at your blood." Glanced at him over the bowl. "Were the other places more interesting than your mouth?"  
  
Shrugged, semi-playfully, leaning back against the side of the bed and taking another sip. "Depends on what you mean by 'interesting'. I know a few of 'em were to me."  
  
She just shovelled another bite into her mouth. "Pervert."  
  
Raised an eyebrow. "As I recall, it wasn't MY idea, luv."  
  
A slow grin took her face. A reminiscent smile. "Yeah..."  
  
Chuckled softly, taking another sip, fishing one of the two marshmallows out with his tongue.  
  
She waited till he swallowed, then fished out a marshmallow, held it out on the tip of a finger to him.  
  
Cocked his head, then grinned a little, leaning toward her and gently taking the marshmallow off her finger with his lips, barely brushing her skin.  
  
She thought she hid her pout of disappointment well. God, was she flirting with him?  
  
Settled back again, finishing off his mug and sitting it aside, stretching one leg out in front of him and curling the other under him, facing her, just... looking.  
  
She set her bowl down, ducked her head. "What?"  
  
He shrugged. "Nothin'. Just... Watchin' you eat."  
  
She smiled. "Well. I bet it was fascinating. All the chewing."  
  
Nodded, smiling a little. "And then there's the swallowing. Very very interesting."  
  
A smile quirked her lips. "You always liked the swallowing best."  
  
Grinned slightly, giving a small chuckle. "Well, yeah. You know, Slayer muscles are all over... Really strong. Powerful. Always fasinating to.. 'watch'."  
  
She laughed softly, leaned back on her hands. She was getting... warm. "Best muscles are the ones you can't see."  
  
Grinned again, rolling his neck a little. "I'm in total agreement with you there, pet."  
  
She almost blushed. "That's a first. Us agreeing."  
  
Shrugged, shifting a little, curling his stretched leg up and wrapping one arm around the knee, still looking at her. "Not really. We agree all the time. Just never aloud. Or, at least, that's how it seems to me."  
  
She shrugged in return. "Where's the fun there?" She rested her weight on one hand, slid the other under her shirt to scratch gently high on her ribs. Her shirt lifted a little, her belly button peeking out.  
  
Chuckled a little, eyes unwittingly going to the exposed skin for a moment before returning to her face. "Lotsa fun. Cause we can convince people that we never agree, while knowing that we really do."  
  
She considered. "Mmm... Sounds fun. Bicker in public, gentle at home."  
  
Smiled a little. "That's kinda the way it's been lately, anyway, though."  
  
Her hand strayed to her shoulder, rubbing it softly. "Yeah... and it's been... nice." Her voice lowered attractively on the last word.  
  
Scooted a little closer, cocking his head a little and tenatively reaching for her shoulder. "Got a pull or something? Does it hurt?"  
  
She nodded a bit, her hand cupping it. "Keep getting tossed around by them... Demons tend to forget that hurts."  
  
He touched her shoulder, then carefully urged her to put her back to him, gently massaging the pulled joint. Quietly, "You tell me if I hurt you."  
  
She hummed quietly. "Feels good..."  
  
He smiled a little and kept rubbing, carefully kneading his thumbs into the pulled muscle, working out a small knot.  
  
Her eyes drifted shut as he worked the knot loose, one hand sliding to rest on his knee.  
  
He started purring softly, still rubbing gently, making a little sound of triumph when the knot released. Quietly, mostly to himself, "Got it."  
  
A quietly drawn out, "Yes... you did..."  
  
Tenatively, leaned forward, pressing a very soft kiss in her hair, still massaging gently, working near her spine now.  
  
She arched her back into his hands.  
  
Smiled and kept rubbing, leaning his head foreward and resting his forehead against the back of her head, looking down at his hands. Sniffed a little. Quietly, "Using vanilla shampoo again, huh?"  
  
She smiled. "You like it?" Moved her head gently, to shake her hair slightly.  
  
Nuzzled her a little, sniffing in her hair. Quietly, "Yep... You know that vanilla is like... vampire catnip, right?"  
  
Small laugh. "Really?" Drew one of his hands down to rest in her lap.  
  
Kept nuzzling and sniffing in her hair, still massaging a little with the other hand. Mumbled, "Yeah... gets me feelin' all happy and relaxed.... with an odd urge to roll on my back and play with a ball of string... Jokin' on the last part... mostly."  
  
Buffy lifted one hand backwards to skim his cheek, then bury itself in his hair. "Bet I can find something more fun for you to play with than a ball of string."  
  
Nuzzled against her hand a little, looking at her with a raised eyebrow. "Really? And what would that be, luv?"  
  
A slow smile turned her lips. "Buffy."  
  
He grinned a little, his scarred eyebrow staying up. "Well, now. If I remember correctly, that's a very nice thing to play with."  
  
"You do," she assured him. "And Buffy has recently been... declawed."  
  
He leaned back against the side of the bed again, still grinning a little. "Declawed, eh? Does this mean that I won't be gettin' scratched this time?"  
  
A low laugh. "Nothing you won't enjoy."  
  
Grin got considerably bigger. "S'that a promise, Slayer?"  
  
She turned, trailing one fingernail gently down his throat. "It's a threat." The smile turning the very corners of her lips softened the words.  
  
He blinked, tilting his head slightly, just watching her, a small smile finding it's way to his face. Quietly, one hand coming up to cup her cheek a little, "I don't feel threatened."  
  
She leaned her head into his hand. "Me either."  
  
He stroked his thumb over her cheek, smiling softly. "I don't think I've told you... how much I missed you... Still miss you, and you're right here..." Made a face. "And that made no sense... Sorry."  
  
She nuzzled into his hand. "I understand." She swallowed. "It hurts to have someone close, but not.. there, not really."  
  
Nodded a little, still stroking her cheek, his other hand absently resting on her knee. "Yeah. I'm sorry that I wasn't all here earlier this year, luv... I tried. And.. I found my way back to you."  
  
Acceptance in her eyes, she murmured, "We all had to find our ways back this year..."  
  
He kept up his gentle touching, speaking softly, "Are we all here now?"  
  
One finger touched gently at the corner of his mouth. "Never better. Never stronger."  
  
His hand left her knee to come up and gently sieze her hand at his mouth. "Never closer."  
  
Her eyes caught his, deep blue to swirling hazel. "Never running."  
  
He looked into her eyes, swallowing a little. "Never leaving. Never again."  
  
"Never pushing away."  
  
Very quietly, hopeful, "Promise?"  
  
"Promise."  
  
Nodded a little, smiling softly, "Me too."  
  
A half smile still pulling at her lips, she touched her mouth to his.  
  
He returned the kiss, purring quietly and slipping his hand around to the back of her neck, running his fingers through her hair as they kissed.  
  
As her mouth moved against his, her fingers trace the lines of his face gently, almost reverantly.  
  
His eyes closed, feeling her touch, concentrating on her lips, purring rising in volume as his tongue found it's way to gently touch her lips, teasing them open.  
  
It didn't take much. They slipped open, her tongue touching tentatively at his, a small sigh escaping her.   
  
He gently stroked her tongue with his, their mouths molding together, seemingly seamless. After a few more moments, he pulled back, having suddenly (and slightly painfully) realized that his purring wasn't the only thing 'rising'. Scooted back from her, just a little, a sheepish look on his face.  
  
She felt bereft and looked brutally confused as he pulled away from her. Her mouth still slightly open, she looked him, hurt that he was pulling away again.  
  
Shook his head a little, and glanced down, trying to wordlessly tell her what was wrong. He wasn't ready yet. Well, he technically WAS ready, but... not mentally. Not yet. Cleared his throat, the sheepish look still in place.  
  
The frown cleared her face, and a slightly amused look took it's place. "Oh," she chuckled.  
  
A quiet, "Yeah..." And a badly hidden small smile were his only reactions.  
  
She stared at his pants. "Good to know, though."  
  
He raised an eyebrow. "There was doubt?"  
  
She gave a self-conscious shrug. "It's just good to know." Buffy placed a small hand over his heart. "There's no... clause, is there?"  
  
He shook his head. Quietly, "Difference. I earned mine. Reward. Not a curse. I've got it for eternity, now. No matter what."  
  
A sly smile, and her hand skimmed down his chest. "No matter what?"  
  
The scarred eyebrow went up again. "Got somethin' in mind, luv?"  
  
She shrugged, her eyes following her hand. "Same ones you do."  
  
He swallowed slightly, then blinked slowly. Mumbled, semi-playfully, "You're not exactly helping the problem, pet."  
  
She smirked, her fingers skimming his jeans. "I don't know about you, but I've *never* called that a problem..."  
  
Spike chuckled, shaking his head a little but keeping his eyes on her hand. "It is, when it draws my attention to the fact that these pants are one size too small.... And reminds me how much I hate zippers."  
  
"Easy enough to fix," she murmured.  
  
"Yeah... buy bigger pants..." An attempted joke... not quite making it. A little of the old nervousness showed in his voice, though he wasn't pulling away.  
  
Her hand skimmed back up to caress his shoulder, placing little kisses along it. "Mmm... I like the way your jeans fit."  
  
He purred louder again, smiling a little. Mumbled, "I do too, except for the zipper. M'gonna get m'self some of those silk drawstring pants to sleep in... Easier to move around than jeans, you know..." Tried for a conversational tone.  
  
She leaned up, bit his earlobe, licked at it gently. "Easier to pull off, too." Hoped she wasn't being to aggressive.  
  
A slight sound, a cross between a growl and a moan, told her that she wasn't.  
  
"Maybe grey," she whispered in the ear she was still assaulting.   
  
Growled again, eyes closing and head tilting, a slight tremor running through him. Mumbled, "Grey is good... was thinkin' dark blue, too... Just a thought..."  
  
She moved close, her body against his, hands stroking gently up and down his arms. She quit biting his earlobe to blow air on it softly. "And dark red."  
  
The growl turned into a whimper, yet another sound that she'd heard from him before. Nodded. Quietly, "Right now, luv... I'd do just about anything you asked."  
  
"How 'bout... touch me, Spike."  
  
His hands were on her instantly, stroking over her sides and back, holding her to him, one hand tenatively finding it's way up under her shirt to touch her warm skin.  
  
She drew in a small gasp, a little surprised he had actually done as she asked him to. She pressed more tightly against him, arching slightly into his hands.  
  
He continued his stroking, worshiping her with his hands, the other one finding it's way under her shirt as well, needing the closeness, craving it. He nuzzled against her hair, raining soft kisses atop her head and near her hair line and temple, purring loudly the whole time.  
  
She shook as he touched her, unexpected emotion flooding her. So precious. She to him, him to her. Her hand shook as well, sliding across his chest, her mouth seeking his.  
  
He swallowed, dropping his head and capturing her mouth with his, biting lightly at her bottom lip in the process, hands still roaming over her. Purred loudly, eyes closed.   
  
She moaned as his teeth scraped her bottom lip, this time her tongue boldly meeting his, completely enamoured of him.  
  
He sucked her tongue into his mouth gently, lightly biting at it and stroking it with his, purring loudly. His hands continued their lazy journey over her skin under her shirt, sliding up high enough on her back to discover that she wasn't wearing a bra. Let his hands massage a little at the muscles in her shoulders and down her back. She was so deceptively small, but... He'd touched her before. There was alot to this girl that you just couldn't see, until, one day, suddenly, you could. And that's what had happened to him. When he'd realized how amazing and wonderful this small woman he held in his arms truely was. God, he loved her. More every second, it seemed.  
  
As he purred, his tongue vibrated gently against hers. Her fingers scratched lightly across his shoulders, behind them to hold at his back. So strong. So much muscle. So much to hold on to. The thought struck her suddenly. There was. Just so much about him to hold on to. That she didn't want to let go. She still wanted him, but there was something deeper pulling at her, at her feelings for him. She pressed into his hands, her impatient mouth nipping at his, gently at the corners, tugging at the fullest part of his pouty bottom lip.  
  
He growled again, tightening his arms around her, holding her flush against him. Both a good thing, and a bad.... Well, not really 'bad', but... Didn't help his 'problem' either. Neither did her wiggling. She rained kisses down his throat, mumbling, "So much.." throughout them. She reached the curve of his neck and shoulder, bit down slowly.  
  
This time it was beyond a growl. The sound he let out at that bite was a snarl, but far from being one of anger. It was followed by a low moan, as he tilted his head to allow her better access. Didn't even realize that his excitement had now caused him to vamp.  
  
Her tongue laved the area teasingly, nipping a few times here and there, before returning to the original spot, scraping her teeth across it.  
  
He growled again, moaning at the same time and mumbling something about making a mess if she doesn't stop soon.  
  
"Making messes is what we do best," she panted, slowing nonetheless.  
  
Dispite the fact that he had told her to stop, he whimpered almost pitifully when she slowed, arms tightening around her again, starting to move on her back. His fingers found a small indentation at the point where her back met her ribs, remembering the night that he'd put that scar there. A bite mark. Put there with blunt teeth, but it had scared none the less. His fingers stroked the spot gently, almost in apology.  
  
Her breath caught as he touched that spot. His. She nuzzled her mouth against his. "S'okay... We have time..."  
  
He nodded a little, and leaned forward, tenatively leaning his forehead against hers, panting unnessisarily. Quietly, "Yeah... Got plenty of time..." His voice dropped even lower for the next four words, "I love you, Buffy."  
  
Just the pitch of his voice was enough to raise her body temperature. She let out an unsteady breath. She missed hearing that. "I know. I- I care about you." She winced at her own words. How pitifully inadequate.  
  
He said nothing, knowing that his eyes showed her how much just THAT phrase meant to him. Nudged her nose with his gently, their foreheads still touching. Quietly, "I know."  
  
A relieved smile turned her lips. "Good."  
  
He shifted a little, fidigiting with his legs and trying to get a little more comfortable, making a face and giving a little growl at himself. Mumbled, "Figures. Can't just relax."  
  
She grinned. "What a compliment."  
  
He chuckled a little. "You're welcome." Sighed. "I really AM going to get some sort of pants without zippers, though. Hurts a little."  
  
She shrugged unsympathetically with a wink. "I would have taken care of that for you."  
  
Spike leaned his head back with a groan and smacked it against the matteress a couple of times, grumbling to himself and winding up staring at the ceiling.  
  
She gave a small laugh and kissed him lightly. "Like I said... We've got time." She ran her finger over his pouty bottom lip. "What do you wanna do with it?"  
  
He cocked his head a little, pretending to consider, then chuckled. "You know... I don't know..." Grinned slightly. "Few ideas, but... nothin' concrete."  
  
She hummed. "Your ideas are always creative."  
  
Sighed, leaning back a little. "That was the old Spike. Dunno about the new version, luv."  
  
She took advantage of his new position to softly kiss his neck. "I do."  
  
He started purring again, keeping his head tilted. Mumbled, his throat vibrating from the purr, "I'll try to live up to your expectations, luv..."  
  
She nuzzled at his neck a little bit. "You always do."  
  
Sighed, purring quietly and smiling a little. "You make me feel like I do, anyway."  
  
She smiled against his throat, nipping a little. "Good."  
  
Spike closed his eyes and let out a quiet moan. Mumbled, "Buffy, we're heading for that possible mess again..." Swallowed, his purr still vibrating his throat.  
  
She placed the most chaste of kisses up this throat till she reached his ear. "I promise to clean you up," she whispered throatily.  
  
That made it 'worse'. He swallowed hard. Mumbled, "Gonna haveta take you up on that if you keep talkin' like that, luv."  
  
Slow chuckle into that same ear, and she cuddled against him, her nose burying itself into the hair at his temple, inhaling. "Just teasing," she mumbled.  
  
He whimpered a little. Mumbled, "Damn good job at it, too..."  
  
"You're pretty good yourself, if I remember correctly."  
  
He shoved at her lightly, without even attempting to actually make her move. "Did I ever leave you on the edge, Slayer? Cause I seriously doubt it. This almost HURTS."  
  
She gave him a small eyebrow. "I happen to recall being left writhing on a crypt floor until I said who made me feel like that..."  
  
He raised an eyebrow in return. "But I didn't LEAVE you there. As soon as you said what I wanted to hear, I..." Grinned. "Helped."  
  
She pressed her lips to his, in a flirty grin. "Would you like... help?"  
  
Made a face, chuckling. "Hell, Slayer... If I could get up right now, which I can't, I'd get on my knees and beg. What do YOU think I want?"  
  
Her tongue teased at the corner of his mouth. "What I was trying to give you?"  
  
He whimpered again and sighed. Quietly, "This is what I meant about the 'new Spike'. I want you to help... I really do... I just don't know if I SHOULD... Keep thinkin' 'bout-" He was silenced by her fingers over his lips gently.  
  
"That was the 'old Buffy', too," she whispered. "That was the old... Old everything. This is new, Spike... It's never happened like this before. This is our new page."  
  
He swallowed again, but nodded slightly. Quietly, "Would it make you think any less of me if I said that I'm nervous for some reason?"  
  
She shook her head slowly. Eyes lowered bashfully for a moment. "Me, too?"  
  
A small smile. "That somehow makes me feel better."  
  
She smirked at him. "My insecurity makes you feel better. How sweet." Pulled a face.  
  
He chuckled a little. "No. It makes me feel better cause I'm not the only one who feels like I swallowed butterflies."  
  
Her hand stroked down to his stomach, moving in firm circles. "There?"  
  
His head dropped slightly, the purring getting inexplicably louder. Mumbled, "Yeah... That's nice, though... Feels good..."  
  
She kept rubbing in circles, her hand at times lighter or firmer.   
  
He smiled a little, closing his eyes slightly. "Okay... this is good... Like this..."  
  
Buffy, still kneeling across his lap, leaned closer to him while she rubbed his stomach, pressing lazy kisses to the curve of his shoulder.  
  
He leaned his head sideways, nuzzling her a little, purring even louder. "Can we just stay here? Forget about... everything else..."  
  
Her eyes drifted slowly shut. "What else?"  
  
Mumbled, nuzzling her again, "Exactly."  
  
She leaned her full weight against him a moment, to reach behind her, and pull his arms up around her.  
  
He held her, smiling and purring, tightening his arms to keep her weight against him. Quietly, "Remember... that time you fell asleep on me? At the crypt?"  
  
She did. It wasn't one of the first times. It wasn't one of the last. Somewhere in the middle. Before they had discussed decorating her room. She hadn't passed out from sheer exhaustion. She had just... given in to her urge to make him hold her. She gave a mental snort. Make him? Not so much as let him. She had drifted off peacefully, no painful dreams, no blank passing out restless sleep. Yes, she remembered. "Mm-hmmm..."  
  
He nuzzled her, still holding her to him. "Was the first time in over a year that I didn't have that nightmare. I... I don't think I ever thanked you for that. Best sleep I'd had in... I don't even remember... But... last night comes close."  
  
"I slept good, too," she told him. And she had. Whenever she was with him, even though she knew she slept curled away from him, it was amazing.   
  
He decided to broach the subject gently. "Good... Cause, see... I was wondering.." He glanced at the bed that he was still leaning against. "I mean, it's kinda big and..." Growled a little. Frustraited at his own nervousness.  
  
She nodded, sparing him. "Sounds good to me."  
  
He relaxed again, sighing. Mumbled, "Thank you."  
  
"Spike," she began seriously.  
  
He almost winced, wondering what he'd done now. "Yeah?"  
  
She kept the serious tone. "You hog the blankets. We'll have to work on that."  
  
He blinked, just staring at her, a blank, semi-shocked, semi-incredulous expression.  
  
She arched her eyebrows. "Well?"  
  
He nodded, still in a little bit of shock. "Yeah... Okay..." Blinked, obviously having expected something completely different.  
  
She gave an approving nod. "Good. How many pillows do you use?"  
  
"Two. Usually. Three if I need to prop up..." Shifted a little, testing his ribs. "Which I don't think that I need at the moment."  
  
A happy smile lit her face, unchecked. "Really?" Her hands reached tentatively for his ribs.  
  
He nodded, leaning back to give her better access, smiling and letting her touch him without even a hint of the nervousness of the night before.  
  
A concentrating frown put a pretty pout on her face as she checked him over carefully, fingers prodding gently.  
  
He just watched her, grinning a little. "Do I pass inspection, doc?"  
  
She only murmured distractedly as she turned his shoulder toward her, softly running her fingers over the faint imprint of the cross. It would scar. She mumbled a few words he didn't know she could use.  
  
Spoke quietly, reassuringly, "It doesn't hurt."  
  
Anger sparked her eyes. "They branded you." She caressed the skin around it. "I will kill them." Low, dangerous, angry. He wasn't theirs to mark.  
  
He blinked at her tone, and slid one of his hands under her shirt, stroking her warm side with his cool hand. "I know you will, luv."  
  
"And it'll hurt," she promised. "It will be slow, and painful, and they will regret ever HEARING of me. Of you."  
  
Just looked at her for a moment, then nuzzled her again. "I love you."  
  
The scowl didn't leave her face, she just slid her fingers through his hair.  
  
He started purring again. Quietly, "Hey, luv... Remember the 'everything else' that we're ignoring? That's part of it."  
  
Her eyes jumped to his, almost startled at where she was. She was already planning their pain. "Right."  
  
He smiled at her, nuzzling her a little again. Quietly, "You think I don't want to hurt them? I do. Believe me..." A growl, low and dangerous, and he vamped without thinking.  
  
She smiled at him. "Well then... We'll have to hurt them together..." She touched the ridges of his forehead gently.  
  
He nudged her hand a little, smiling, dispite the fangs. "Right. Together."   
  
She smiled back with a nod, her lips resting on his morphed forehead. "They won't hurt you again, baby, I promise." The endearment fell from her lips, unthinking.  
  
He blinked, his purr suddenly getting extremely loud, making a soft sound at the back of his throat. His hand finding one of hers and tangling their fingers, pressing their palms together. Very quietly, "I believe you."  
  
Her hand squeezed his gently, looking into his vulnerable face with confusion. "Are you okay?"  
  
He blinked again, nodding. "You don't... know what you said, do you?"  
  
Her free hand swept gently over his cheekbone. Confusedly. "That they won't hurt you. Never again."  
  
Shook his head. "That was there, and I appriciate that, luv... But.. You.. Called me 'baby'." His voice had gotten quieter as he went on, as if he thought that he might have been hearing things.  
  
She ducked her head a little bit. "Yeah. I just... I don't know. It kinda.. slipped out."  
  
He blinked. Quietly, "Oh." Glanced down at the carpet for a moment.  
  
"I'm- you're right... You probably don't like pet names, I just- I mean... 'luv', and, and 'pet'... I just thought..." Fidgeted. "Sorry."  
  
Shook his head, looking back at her. "Luv, no... That's not it.. I liked it... I love it. You just... shocked me a little... I like it." Smiled. "I really really like it. Got.. that jell-o feeling back."  
  
"Is it that big of a shock?" she questioned, peeking at him through her lashes.  
  
Shrugged slightly, still smiling. "Well... yeah... kinda. I've always been the one GIVING the pet names... Not recieving them. It makes me feel... special... Cared for. It's... nice."  
  
She grinned. "Well, sweet, you're about to feel alllllllllllll special and tingly."  
  
He smiled again, looking a little embarrassed, almost glancing away again. Mumbled, "Now you're just doin' that on purpose..." Grinned playfully. "But please, don't let me stop you."  
  
Buffy kissed one side of his neck. "Baby." The other. "Hun." Slid down, kissing across his chest. "Lover." A little lower. "Heart." Again. "Sweet."  
  
He was almost whimpering, seemingly melted back against the bed. Mumbled, "Stop... Unless you want a melted puddle of vampire where I am right now..."  
  
Her tongue swept out at his bellybutton. "Mine."  
  
He trembled, in more ways than one, and swallowed. Agreed very quietly, "All yours." His hand touched her cheek softly. "Always have been."  
  
She kissed his palm tenderly. "Precious."  
  
This time he did whimper, swallowing. Mumbled something about being pathetic, and not caring in the least. "God, I love you, Buffy..."  
  
She said nothing, nuzzling into his hand gently, looking up at him, her chin resting on his stomach.  
  
His thumb stroked over her cheek and he purred loudly, smiling softly. Quietly, a little playful, "I'm gonna have to come up with somethin' better than 'luv' and 'pet' now, you realize."  
  
One brow arched. "Like what?"  
  
He chuckled. "I have no clue. Dunno what to do when the standbys aren't... adequate anymore. I.. I can't think of any other way to discribe how much I love you..." He cocked his head slightly, thinking. Mumbled, "Maybe that's the whole point."  
  
She smiled contentedly. "I heard a British guy say 'heart' once. It was really cute."  
  
He gave her a playfully jealous look. "And what other British guys have you been around, 'sides me and Rupe?"  
  
She grinned. "The BBC." A spark of inspiration lit her eyes, and she placed another kiss on his stomach. "Passion." A tiny lick. "Handsome." A tinier nip. "Man."  
  
Another whimper, louder this time, and his eyes closed again, hands once again moving under her shirt. Mumbled, "I'm serious, luv... You're gonna kill me here.... Nice way to go, but still..."  
  
She smiled wickedly at him. "It always was a nice way to go."  
  
He couldn't hide his grin, chuckling a little. "Such a way with a mental image, pet."  
  
Her fingers traced the line of denim only inches from where she had been kissing. "Who said anything about a mental image?"  
  
He swallowed, eyes darkening a little. Quietly, "Still nervous, but... I don't know how much that matters anymore..."  
  
She loved that, the way his eyes darkened when she aroused him. She leaned up, brushed her lips against his. "You better figure it out soon," she breathed.  
  
He swallowed, growling softly. "Matters... But not that much at the moment." Blinked slowly, licking his lips absently, nervously. "You're sure?" They both knew what he was talking about. Giving her every chance to back out, not even wanting to appear to push her.  
  
"For the first time in a long time." Her fingers brushed against his lips, to touch at the planes of his face. "Are you?"  
  
He blinked again, and moved his head to nuzzle her hand, purring quietly. "I.. Yes." Nodded a little. "I am sure... Still.. nervous... But sure."   
  
One hand moved to the denim of his jeans, the other to run though his hair as she kissed him, standing slowly.  
  
He looked up at her, and took his cue, slowly standing himself up, stretching slightly cramped legs, then looked to her. He was going to let her tell him what to do. Let her be in control. Feeling the need to let her lead here, and his eyes showed it. Trust. Faith. Love.  
  
She caught the emotion in his eyes, marvelled at it. She had never seen him so open. Had he ever looked at her like that? It shamed her that he probably had. Countless times. And she'd been too blind, too bitter, too scared to see it. She walked him slowly backwards until the backs of his knees hit the side of the mattress. Pressed gently on his shoulder.  
  
He sat obediently, carefully, wincing slightly as his jeans zipper pinched a little and supressing a pained growl. Chose instead to look at her face, his head cocked slightly, searching her eyes for anything to hint at what she was expecting.  
  
She angled him so when he laid back, his head would rest on her pillows. "Lay down," she said quietly, her eyes drinking him in, absorbing his movements, his eyes, his emotions.  
  
He nodded a little, swallowing slightly, slipping up on the bed and laying down. He watched her eyes, her intentions. Saw nothing but... what? Something that he'd never seen before. Something... caring, definitely. But... something else? For just an instant, that Cassie girl's 'someday' prediction came to the fore of his mind and he shook his head. Had already decided that "I believe in you, Spike" was the prophecy fulfilled. No hoping. Hoping just lead to being beat up in alleys, and hurting people you love. So, no hoping. Acceptance of new things, but no hope. It was bad.  
  
She watched him watching her, his eyes slightly wary, slightly pained. That was her. Her doing, her fault. She didn't have the words to even start to remedy her wrong. She ran her fingers over him lightly, over his chest, down his arms, to touch his fingers reverantly, and kissed him slowly, leisurely.  
  
He relaxed a little, returning the kiss, one of his cold hands lightly gripping her warmer one after their fingers touched. Started purring again, quietly, but there. He blinked a little, looking at her. Finally, when she pulled back, "Do you... want me to do anything? I.. I can take care of this myself, you know... If you don't really want to..." Had to know. Had to get the confirmation. One last chance for her to back out. Giving her every possibility of escape, if she needed it.  
  
Silently, her free hand gripped his as it was running down his torso, ready to do as he said. She pulled their joined hands up, to the sides of his head. Slid hers from his, her small hand trailing down his chest, down the line of his abs, to slowly unbutton the clasp on his jeans. "I want you to enjoy this." Another kiss.  
  
He swallowed again and blinked, giving a little nod. Turned his attention inward for a moment as the butterflies previously in his stomach suddenly seemed to create some sort of hurricane in there. However, his attention changed focus again as his zipper was pulled down and he was freed from his jeans, the pressure and pain that they'd caused lessening. He blinked, holding his eyes closed for a moment and swallowing, silently reminding himself of what she'd just said, and knowing he couldn't enjoy anything if he was feeling nauseous. Forced the butterflies to settle back down again, then reopened his eyes, hoping his nervousness wasn't showing.  
  
It was. Buffy licked her lips slowly, and her hand closed over him gently, a medium pressure, slowly sliding up, then down.  
  
He swallowed a soft gasp at the feel of her warm hand. A small shock, as always, ran through his system and he shivered a little. Barely noticable if you hadn't been looking for it. His purr, which had been barely auditable, was slowly but surely starting to climb in volume. He just layed still for a moment, getting used to the tempreture difference. The small shocks still making their way through his body as she warmed him.  
  
Her hand continued to move slowly, her eyes taking him in. She heard his gasp, felt his shiver. When he stopped moving, she flexed her fingers ever go gently, a smile turning the corners of her lips, never breaking the easy rhythm.   
  
This time the sound was a soft whimper, though far from being one of pain, and his eyes closed for a moment, hips rising slightly of their own accord. A quiet moan escaped his mouth, followed by a hard swallow. He licked his lips and opened his eyes, hips moving slightly to follow her hand as she moved up again. Looked at her, knowing his soul was bare in his eyes, and not caring. It belonged to her, anyway. She should be able to see it.  
  
Her mouth moved silently for a moment as she looked at him, the intensity in his eyes almost unbearable. Such pain, such hope, such gratitude... such love. She stroked her hand a bit faster, keeping pace with his hips. She couldn't believe she had missed this. Been so absorbed that she didn't even see his own need. She memorized his face now, the way his breath caught, the almost involuntary way his hips jumped. Everything.  
  
He whimpered again, swallowing afterwards, purring getting louder. Constantly rising in volume. His breathing was becoming faster as well, no matter how unnessisary the action was. Force of soul and habit kept it going. Reacting as if his body was alive. And, at that particular moment, he felt alive. His eyes had faint flecks of gold showing in them, some glowing, from the soul, and some just.. gold, the demon starting to show itself, as the purr rose even more and the movement of his hips sped up involuntarily. He wanted to draw this out, but... His body had different ideas.  
  
Her hand kept up with him, and she saw the gold in his eyes. He was close. Her grip slowly increased, but not painfully. Still she watched him, arching, the purring effecting her more deeply than she thought possible.  
  
His breathing started coming in short pants, eyes darkening again, making the flecks of gold stand out more, his pupils looking like a cross between human and cat eyes. Not quite a slit, but close. He growled again, a deep, vibrating sound coming from deep in his chest. He gave a little growling hiss, panting again and snarling quietly, jerking his hips almost desperately, vamping suddenly, fangs flashing in the dim light.  
  
Something permeated the fog of her mind as she watched him fast approaching the brink, her thumb stroking as the rest of her hand moved. She had bitten him once. Not hard but... it had certainly had the desired effect. She also remembered that he was exceptionally loud when she finally pushed him over. Her unoccupied hand snuck up, to pinch lightly above his belly button, the same hand moving quickly to cover his mouth, focusing on his eyes, the swirling glinting gold of his eyes.  
  
He couldn't hold back at that. That spot... he could almost feel the time her blunt teeth had latched on there. Could feel it... And that was all it took. He snarled loudly, coming close to roaring, and suddenly sinking his fangs into her hand instead, roaring against her skin to muffle it, body trembling and shaking for a few moments before stilling, his eyes closed. His gold eyes snapped open suddenly, though, when he recognized the taste of Slayer blood. Her blood. Shit. He BIT her... He pulled his fangs out and swallowed hard, trying not to choke, staring at her, suddenly scared. He bit her... he bit her. He HURT her... she was BLEEDING because of HIM... He whimpered, trying to wriggle backwards up the bed, but only succeeding in squirming a little, muscles too loose to move properly.  
  
Her eyes, open, inviting, looked at him as she lowered her hand to his mouth again.  
  
He shook his head, whimpering a little. Mumbled, "No... no... I hurt you.." His lower lip trembled slightly, the fear showing in his eyes. She offered him trust, and he BIT her. He was like a... a bad dog on a leash. The leash only stops it from hurting people at a distance. She'd gotten too close and he... Oh God.... He swallowed hard, closing his eyes and whimpering again, still unable to move.  
  
She pressed two fingers to his lips, ignoring the blood slowly making their way down them. "No... shhh... I wanted- It's okay. I kinda thought you might." She stammered, "I thought you might... like it... It'd help you."  
  
The series of 'but' s that were trying to make their way out of his mouth showed in his eyes. But his tongue had other thoughts. It darted out and licked at her fingers, taking the blood into his mouth and swallowing the small droplets. Quietly, mumbled against her fingers, "I can... close the holes... if you turn your hand a little..."  
  
She turned her palm against his mouth. His tongue darted out of it's own violition, carefully scraping past his fangs in the process, then licking the wound with his slightly bleeding tongue, the skin healing up as the combination of Slayer and vampire blood mixed with his saliva healed it quickly.  
  
While she watched him close the minor wound on her hand, the other came to her mouth of it's own volition, and Buffy carefully cleaned her thumb.  
  
His still gold eyes locked on her other hand and he swallowed hard, unconciously sucking on one of her fingers in the process, his mouth suddenly dry.  
  
Her eyes darted to his, her tongue in the middle of dragging across the side of her thumb. An almost shy grin curved her mouth.  
  
He realized he was still suckling on her finger a little and opened his mouth for her to pull back, an apologetic expression showing, dispite the darkness in his still gold eyes.  
  
She pulled back her finger far enough to rub it against his bottom lip.   
  
He blinked, then caught her finger lightly in his sharpened teeth, suckling lightly on the tip, purring quietly again, eyes watching her. At any sign that she didn't want him doing this, he'd stop.  
  
She gave him a little grin. "I was afraid I tasted funny for a minute." Almost a whisper.  
  
He shook his head a little, mumbling around her finger. "Never have, luv. I was... thought that you wouldn't want me..." Blinked, then sighed frustraitedly. Whatever he was trying to say obviously not coming out the way he wanted.  
  
She just smiled at him, her newly cleaned hand stroking his cheek gently.  
  
He nibbled lightly on the tip of her finger, still sucking softly, her touch making him feel a little braver. Mumbled something, but it didn't make sense. Didn't matter, though. His eyes said it clearer. God, he loved her.  
  
Something melted in her, and she let the words wash over her, hearing them for what they really were for the first time: a declaration from a good man. And she was suddenly very jealous of her own finger. But she felt happy. Full. She had wanted to give him something. Something that had nothing to do with her, but everything to do with him. That she could put him first. That she wanted to. That she had finally given him something of her.  
  
He kept nibbling for a few more minutes, the motion and taste of her skin somehow calming. Then released her finger to yawn. That particular motion catching him completely off guard. The involentary growl accompanying the yawn almost comical, because of the demon chose that moment to pull back, getting rid of the fangs in the middle of the yawn. Allowing her to see his teeth morph back for the first time. And from a new angle.  
  
She tilted her head, gave a small laugh. He could go from "grr and fangy" to "gorgeous and yawning" in 2 seconds. Flat.  
  
He finished his yawn, blinking at her lazily, a small smile on his face. Quietly, "Kinda sleepy, I guess.... M'stamina isn't what it used to be, apparently..."  
  
She shook her head with a half-smile. "Doesn't matter." She leaned down to kiss him, her tongue tangling with his.  
  
He gave a soft growl of pleasure into her mouth, letting his tongue carress hers, his hands sliding up her arms a little, one going into her hair, and the other rubbing lightly on her side.  
  
She gave a small moan, her hands moving over his torso, worshipping the muscle she found under them. Her tongue played against his.  
  
His skin shivered and twitched pleasurably under her touch, and he half sat up, trying to get closer, pulling her down onto the bed next to him and tangling their legs, ignoring the fact that his pants are still unzipped and open. Mumbled against her mouth, "Love you, Buffy..."  
  
"God, so beautiful," she murmured as they rolled, her hands and eyes taking him in. "Kind." A kiss. "Beautiful, wonderful..."  
  
He whimpered softly, coming to rest half hovering over her, and leaned down, resting his forehead on hers and nuzzling her nose with his gently. Quietly, "Buffy... I.. I don't have... words... for what I feel right now... I... I know it sounds a bit... corny, but... Thank you... For giving me this chance... To.. to try and be what you need. I know I don't deserve it... But.. Thank you."  
  
She nuzzled back against him. The realization hit her for the first time. "Neither do I. Thank *you*," she emphasized quietly.  
  
He blinked, cuddling against her. Another thing that hadn't been 'allowed' previously. Decided not to ask her what she meant in favor of snuggling his face into her hair, still purring loudly. Mumbled, nuzzling her a little, "You're welcome."  
  
She found herself cuddled against him, her face against his throat. She made the best of her 'ordeal', kissing and nipping at his neck, her eyes closed and lips smiling.  
  
He whimpered and purred softly, nuzzling her and tilting his head slightly for her. Spoke quietly, "Luv... we're gonna have that problem again soon if you're not... careful."  
  
She firmly, delibrately, carefully licked a slow line to just under his ear, blew on it. "I thought we had this discussion. I do not call that a problem."  
  
He whimpered again, trembling lightly and growling softly. Quietly, "Buffy, luv... I don't exactly call it a problem either. But... whatever it is, it's gonna happen again. And this time, I'm not gonna NEED you to touch me if you keep doing what you are."  
  
She arched her eyebrows, seemed to consider the prospects. "Really?"  
  
He half-hearted gave her a stern look. "Really."  
  
She looked at him through her lashes. "Do you *want* me to stop?"  
  
He gave a small laugh. "Pet, vampire or not, soul or not, I'm a guy. What do YOU think I want? I'm just warning you."  
  
"So..." A delicate bite. "That's a continue?"  
  
Shivered slightly and whimpered a little. Mumbled, "It's a 'continue if you don't care about your pants at all'."  
  
She shrugged distractedly, sucking at the curve of his neck and shoulder. "Gotta love washing machines... Besides... Your jeans already need washing."  
  
This time the sound was a soft moan, and he pressed against her a little, his arms tightening around her. Tilted his head more, whimpering louder and growling softly now.  
  
She rocked her hips against him, scraping her teeth against the spot, her hands skimming his shoulders.  
  
He groaned and whimpered, twisting their legs together, moving a little with her rocking, craving the friction. His purring started to rise in volume again, heading for the cresendo, rising faster than before. He whimpered slightly, moaning and shivering. Mumbled, "Buffy... God, Buffy... I love you... I love you... M'yours... Belong to you... Love you, Buffy... I love you so much..."  
  
Her mouth fused to his as she tightened her legs around his, rubbing harder against him. "Spike... Mine... Yours... " Her mouth opened, and a stuttering cry fell out, trying to keep up with him.  
  
He growled, whimpering and making little mewling noises at the back of his throat, rubbing against her through her thin jamma pants, knowing she could feel it. His eyes flashed gold and darkened as a growl rumbled from his chest, the purring so loud that it was acting almost like a vibrator, his whole body trembling against her.  
  
"So... Good... Spike..." She was on her back now, her ankles hooked around his back, moaning as he purred and moved, her head thrown back, neck and back arching.  
  
He snarled, suddenly letting out a strangled roar and jerking his hips hard against her, clamping his mouth shut belatedly with a hissing snarl, the only part of his mind that's concious of anything other than her realizing that he was too loud, and that there's a possibility that the Potentials or Dawn might have heard them. That thought was quickly surpassed by the knowledge of the locked door, and then by his concious thought completely shutting down as his body jerked on top of her writhing one.   
  
Her hips jerked, a nonsensical noise tumbling loudly out, unchecked, as she tripped, falling over the edge. A final shudder wracked her, and she groaned happily. "Uhnn.."  
  
He collapsed on top of her, mumbling a combination of nonsense, purrs, and 'love you's, nuzzling her a little, completely limp on top of her, knowing that her Slayer body would have no trouble breathing at all. Which was good, cause he had absolutely no ability nor muscle control with which to move.  
  
His purr vibrated her body as she came down. She rubbed her cheek against his. "How loud?" she managed, licking her lips.  
  
He mumbled against her neck, his unneeded breath feathering over her skin, "No one... woke up... Dunno... Heartbeats... stable... We didn't... wake anyone..."  
  
She shuddered quietly, the combination of the sweat clinging lightly to her skin, and his breath culprit. Exhausted laugh. "How?" Another giggle. "They'll sleep through an apocolypse..."  
  
He chuckled very softly, nuzzling his nose against her neck in the process. "Probably... After all... they don't give wake up calls for 'em, last time I checked..."  
  
She hummed. Tilted her head to give him more room.  
  
He mumbled, still nuzzling, "That's like... your kind of purr, huh? When you... you hum... Same times that I purr..."  
  
She smiled, eyes closed, her hands smoothing over him. "Must be. Yours sounds better though."  
  
He slipped his arms around and under her, holding her while still laying atop her. "To you... To me, yours is wonderful..."  
  
She 'hummed' again, cuddling closer to him. "Yeah?"  
  
Softly, "Yeah..."  
  
Buffy kissed him softly, eyes fluttering shut, then open again as they broke apart.  
  
He gave a soft sigh, relaxing, then blinked slightly. Mumbled, "Luv? If I rolled onto my back, we wouldn't fall off the bed, right? I just realized that I'm probably squashin' you."  
  
She shook her head, truly liking his weight against her. "Don't have to move. But no.. you won't fall off."  
  
He blinked. Then, quietly, absolute trust in his voice and eyes, "Where do YOU want me to be?"  
  
She looked back at him, eyes open for him to read. "In my life."  
  
He blinked. There was that.... unidentifiable something in her eyes again. Something beyond caring that he couldn't completely identify... Or wouldn't let himself. Responded softly, completely honest, "I'm never leaving you again, Buffy. I promise. If I was dust, I'd find a way to come back to you. You have my word.... For whatever it's worth." Finished very quietly.  
  
"It's more than enough,"she told him, gently smoothing his curls back.  
  
His purring got louder, the same way it had earlier when she'd called him 'baby', and he nuzzled his head against her hand, smiling a little, eyes closed.  
  
She took the moment to savor as her own personal perfect memory... except that she was still wearing pants, but... allowances could be made.   
  
He licked his lips a little, eyes reopening at half mast, then relaxed on top of her again, resting his head at the junction of her shoulder and neck, purring loudly. Mumbled, very softly, "Was this what it was like?"  
  
She turned her head a moment, kissing what flesh she could. "What?" She said confusedly.  
  
That same quiet tone, said without moving, "Heaven... Was.. this what it was like? This.. the feeling?"  
  
A small smile crept over her face as she whispered, "You could teach heaven a thing or two..."  
  
Her tone of voice... her words... the sentiment behind them... it made him tremble. He tried to control the little whimpery noises that were escaping him, but they seemed to have a mind of their own. All he could do was tighten his arms around her and nuzzle his face into her neck, purring loudly.  
  
Her hands moved over his back gently, a soothing motion. "You okay?"  
  
He swallowed, barely nodding against her skin. Now was not the time for talking. Talking would open the door for the reason he had his eyes shut to get out. He was practically leaking as it was. So, he just nodded and nuzzled her, arching his back a little to press into her hands. Trying to let her know that he was okay, without letting the small sob that had formed a lump at the back of his throat escape.  
  
She was worried. Very worried. Her hands stroked over him, trying to calm the shaking, speaking softly. "Spike... Baby... it's alright... Shhh... It's okay... Hush now... shhh..."  
  
God... that didn't help. He knew she was TRYING to help. How could she possibly know that her being this wonderful to him was about to cause the former Big Bad to break down? That her gentle carresses and kind words were too much for his still aching heart to take? He allowed a small whimper to slip his control and tried to burrow his face into the pillow and her neck at the same time.  
  
Buffy pulled to the side, slightly, tilting his face towards her. Concern etched her features.  
  
He kept his eyes closed, trying to hide still. Unaware that one tear had escaped, the trembling getting worse as he fought it. Shook his head, trying to communicate 'can't talk'.  
  
Her thumb gently stroked away the tear tracking down his cheek. "Shh..." Pressed a kiss to his forehead. "It's okay now..."  
  
That pushed him over the edge. One sniffle became a sob. And one sob released the tears as his arms tightened around her again. Choked out, "You're just... I can't... s'unbelieveable... you're so.. so wonderful to me... Love you so much, Buffy... Can't... Thank you... you care... dunno why.. but you do.. And I can't... can't stop..." Trailed off as another small sob hit. "...m'sorry... m'so sorry..."  
  
"Shhh," she entreated desperately. "Spike... It's okay... I swear it's okay... We care... You care, I care... So good..." Kissed away the moisture on his face.  
  
He whimpered softly, trembling in her arms, his own tight around her, swallowing around the still present lump in his throat. Very quietly, slightly choked, "I know... that's why I can't... stop crying... Never had... someone who cares..."  
  
"You do now... I'm not going anywhere... Never." The vows were spilling from her mouth before she could check them, she didn't even want to.  
  
Very very quietly, so soft that it was almost inauditable, "Never leave me... Please... Not... not again... can't do it again..."  
  
She winced. "Never," she whispered again.  
  
Slowly, the shaking stopped, and the sobs and whimpers turned into a quiet purr. He had been exhausted. Even before that morning's 'activities'. Hadn't even had time to fully recover from his ordeal in the cave before they'd had to start training the Potentials. And even then, he'd been sleeping in chairs. The emotional outburst had pushed him over the top. His reflexive breathing slowed to almost nothing, but didn't stop. The soul wouldn't let it. Spike was on top of her, his arms around her, but he was sound asleep.   
  
Buffy stared at the ceiling, then at the sleeping vampire on top of her. Pressed her lips together a moment, then murmured, "It could be so easy to love you." She waited, watching him, pondering the aftermath of her thoughts.  
  
======================================================  
  
The next thing Buffy was aware of was dazedly coming-to. When had she fallen asleep? Her eyes jerked open and her hands reached blindly forward, a thoroughly relieved sigh escaping her when Spike was still near. He'd toppled off her sometime in their nap, but one arm was draped lazily over her waist, the fingers moving slightly under her shirt, dispite the fact that he was still asleep. And the purr hadn't stopped at all. Her heartbeat slowed from it's panicked race, and she smiled as Spike obliviously slept on.  
  
Her fingers reached out to tentatively trace the lines of his face, touch gently at the corners of his full mouth. She smiled to herself. "So beautiful."  
  
He mumbled something about candles in his sleep and made a face, furrowing his brow a little as if confused. Sighed, and cuddled closer, making a little contented mewling purr from the back of his throat.  
  
"What candles?" She whispered in his ear.  
  
Mumbled, "..braided ones... gotta be special... Only once a year, luv..."  
  
"What's once a year?" She was completely puzzled  
  
A sleepy snort. ".. like you wouldn't remember... your own weddin', luv... As I recall.. you spent more time... planning it than we did... planning the honeymoon..." A slightly sleep muddled smirk. "Although... not more time than we SPENT on it... Really nice... month long..."  
  
She tilted her head. They were MARRIED now? Honeymoon-ed and all? "How long ago?"  
  
Almost grumbled, ".. and I thought it was... the MAN who was supposed to... forget the anniversary... Which I haven't... not in thirty-five years... and not ever..."  
  
"I'm fat now, huh?"  
  
He made a confused puppy face in his sleep. "...where'd you get... that idea, sweetie? I'm.. the one without a... reflection, you know... You're as stunnin' as the night I first saw you, my love..."  
  
A smile tugged at her lips. "What do the neighbors think? I'm with such a handsome man..."  
  
A small chuckle. "We've had our... fair share of looks, pet... But only by people who know you... Or have known you... for a long time... Since Slayer's that reach... thirty age alot slower... than normal humans... No one has a clue... how old either of us are, luv... Benefits of... secret identities... S'what Xander says... Remember?"  
  
"Yeah...How's Dawn?"  
  
A soft smile, "Baby sis is just fine, luv... You know we.. visited her down at... the condo in LA last week.... Startin' her... next picture... Who knew that a Vampire Slayer was a... valid Hollywood idea..."  
  
She repressed a laugh. Slid her hands over him. "And how are we... celebrating?"  
  
A soft chuckle, "Uh uh.. not tellin'... I've let you... force it out of me every year... this time, I'm makin' it a suprise..."  
  
"Mmm.... baby, tell me.."  
  
Mumbled, with a playfully growling undertone, "If you.. make me turn to mush... in the middle of the store... You're gonna carry me out... But I'm not telling."  
  
Placed a small kiss on his ear. "Tell..."  
  
A whimper. "Cheater. Always... always bloody cheatin'..."  
  
"...Why you love me.."  
  
Chuckled. "Part of the reason... anyway... But, no. Not this time.."  
  
She nuzzled. "Will I like it?"  
  
Spoken quietly, a whispering mumble, "You always do, heart."  
  
Liquid heat. "Where did we honeymoon?"  
  
He smiled, a reminicent smile of events that hadn't happened yet. "All over, my love. Remember? One week in France... one in England... Spain... Then Hawaii to round it out... You have... beautiful skin..." The subject change caused partially by the thought of Buffy with a Hawaiian tan, and partially because his nose had found a new place to nuzzle against her shoulder in his sleep.  
  
"We had a happily ever after, didn't we?"  
  
A small frown, "Well, love, not really... We've got our... self defense school... and Rupert hangs around... But... s'still a Hellmouth... You're still the Slayer... Longest lived one in history, too.... Partially cause of me and the Scoobs..." Nuzzled closer. "We... have to patrol most nights... But... For us... s'about as close to a happily ever after... as a souled vampire and a Slayer... can get, don't you think?"  
  
A wistful smile turned her lips. "Yeah..." She decided it was time for him to get up, and... She pulled a face. Yeah. She had to change. In fact... She slid from bed carefully, changing quietly into a different pair of jammas. Slid back in. Kissed him gently, but insistently.  
  
He made a little noise, and blinked slowly, his eyes fluttering open. Mumbled when she pulled back, "Definitely a nice way to wake up...."  
  
Slow smile. "Yeah?" Kissed him again.  
  
Mumbled against her lips, nipping gently at her lower one, "Very very nice..."  
  
She gave a low moan, concentrating on his assault on her lip. Her hands skimmed slowly down his body, playing teasingly at his hips.  
  
He bit at it again, growling a little. Shifted a little under her hands, his own wrapping around her and sliding up and down her back, instantly under her jamma top. Mumbled, "You changed..."  
  
She smiled slowly, nipped at his bottom lip. "Messy."   
  
Gave a soft chuckle, flicking his tongue out to lick at her lip. "My fault, I guess.... Sorry..."  
  
She hummed, her hands dipping in to skim lightly under his jeans. "I'm not."  
  
He started purring loudly, smiling. Mumbled, "Good, cause I'm not really, either."  
  
She bit sharply at his bottom lip for just a moment. "Baaad."  
  
He growled a little. "I don't think so..."  
  
Her tongue snuck into his mouth. "I like it."  
  
He bit lightly at her tongue, growling a little.  
  
She slid over his lap, her tongue stroking against his, fingers tracing patterns dangerously low.  
  
Growled out, eyes darkening again, pulling back a little, "Buffy... Unless you want to lose this pair of jamma pants, too... I'd reccomend we stop now."  
  
"Can always take them off," she muttered, kissing him again.  
  
He gave a soft whimper and pulled back a little. Very quietly, "I don't know if... If I'm ready for that yet, luv." Growled at himself and sighed.  
  
She nodded, eyes downcast. Her fingers now traced idle patterns on his collarbones. "I am sorry. I just.. When I get this close..." How to explain it? "I like to have all of you."  
  
He nuzzled her, resting his forehead against her temple. Whispered in her ear, "You already do, Buffy. You always have."  
  
The tension left in her body eased out, and she relaxed against him, a small smile playing across her face. "Yeah."  
  
He smiled when he felt her relax, and pressed a soft kiss to her cheek. Quietly, "Never doubt that, okay? I'm all yours."  
  
She nodded, another promise spilling out. "Same goes."  
  
He blinked, but didn't say anything. Didn't know what to make of her like this. It was good, but... new.  
  
She quietly nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck, took a deep breath. "...love the way you smell... always have..."  
  
He purred louder and started rubbing his hand up and down her back. "S'nothin' special. Not like you."  
  
She sniffed, and started to classify. "...leather... cigarettes... sex... you..."  
  
He made a little 'mm' noise. "Everyone's got a distinctive scent. I feel kinda... I like that you've made the time to identify mine..." A slight grin. "I know the human sense of smell isn't the best."  
  
She sniffed. "It's good enough. Your duster smells like you, too. Like brandy, tequila, cigarettes, and you."  
  
He sighed a little. "I left it here... Did you throw it out or something?"  
  
She let all her weight rest on him as one hand dropped over the side of her bed, dug for a moment, then pulled something up. "Nope." Laid the long leather trench next to him.  
  
Spike blinked at it for a moment, then at her, a look of disbelief on his face. "You.. kept it?"  
  
A slight blush st ained her cheeks, and she ducked her head. "Yeah..." And slept in it a few choice times...   
  
He touched it. Noting that it smelled a little like her. She'd worn it. Several times. Decided not to mention it. "Thanks..." Fingered the leather for a moment, then, "You can put it back, now."  
  
A small smile turned her lips as she looked at him. "It's yours... I guess... I was hoping I'd get to give it back."  
  
He blinked at it again, then looked at her. Quietly, "I don't know if I want it anymore. Last time I wore it... I just don't think I want it anymore. You can have it."  
  
She licked her lips. Chanced it. "You left it here for a reason." Quietly, whispered.  
  
Nodded a little. "Wanted you to know that I was comin' back. I know I didn't say it, but that was the thought... Hoped you'd understand."  
  
She nodded, and thoughtlessly pulled the collar of the coat to her nose in a practiced move, didn't seem aware she even did it. Eyes drifted slightly closed as she breathed in.  
  
He smiled a little, watching her. Once again, not mentioning it. Closed his eyes for a moment and stretched slightly, giving a small yawn. It felt good to be relaxed for once.  
  
The duster drifted from her fingers, and she cuddled up on his chest, sniffing him delicately. "You smell better than your coat."  
  
He smiled again, purring quietly, and slipped one arm around her, rubbing lightly at her back. Quietly, "Probably difference between source and trace scents... I happen to think you smell better than just 'bout anything I can name, luv."  
  
She smiled against his skin. "Yeah?"  
  
His eyes half closed, feeling her warm breath on him. Purred a little louder, almost interrupting his speech. "Oh yeah. Always loved the way you smell, pet. When you're close like this, though... S'almost... intoxicating."  
  
Well. A girl couldn't help but be happy to hear that. Nuzzled a kiss into the curve of his shoulder.  
  
He sighed quietly and tightened his arm for a moment, giving her a little hug, smiling. Tilted his head to the side and nuzzled her. Mumbled, "This is nice... M'glad you're gonna let me stay in here."  
  
Teasing smile. "Glad you finally agreed to stay."  
  
Shrugged slightly, giving a small chuckle. "Well, couldn't exactly say 'no' after the last few hours, now could I?"  
  
Her teeth nipped at the place she had just kissed. "No." Firmly. Reluctant grin. "They WERE a good past few hours..."  
  
Playfully, "M'hopin' that this is just the beginnin' of a pattern, m'self."  
  
She lifted her head, nuzzled her nose by his ear. "I offered," she said with a shrug.  
  
He fell silent, that nervousness rearing it's head again. His hand stroking her back was the only indication that he was still awake.  
  
She just kissed his earlobe gently, letting him feel her smile press against his skin. Pretended to not notice his nerves. No big. "Baby?" She whispered.  
  
He didn't move, but said quietly, "Yeah, luv?"  
  
Rested her forehead against his, stared into his eyes. "That was a joke."  
  
He sighed quietly, opening his eyes and looking at her. "I know. I just..." Gave a soft growl at himself. "I'm sorry."  
  
Her lips touched his, a gentle brush. "It's okay. It's gonna be wierd for a while."  
  
A slightly sarcastic and playful tone, "Yeah. Cause they were so normal before."  
  
She instantly dropped her eyes. gnawed her lip. Chalk up another point, Buff... "I'm sorry."  
  
He shook his head a little, giving a small smile. "Baby? That was a joke."  
  
Slightly chagrined smile. "Heh. I know..."  
  
"Just like I did, right?"  
  
Small laugh. "Yeah.."  
  
Chuckled, "Figured."  
  
Her fingers touched the corners of his still smiling lips. "Love that..."  
  
He blinked, slightly confused. "What?"  
  
"Smile."  
  
He nuzzled her again, still smiling. "I have a feelin' that I'm gonna have to do this more often, then."  
  
She gave one of her own. "You should. Corners of your eyes crinkle a little bit. Very sexy."  
  
He raised an eyebrow, chuckling a little. "Okay. That's somethin' no one's ever told me before."  
  
Her smile widened. Pointed a little bit. "And you almost have dimples."  
  
"What?" Brought his free hand up to feel around his cheeks. Mumbles, "No wonder I can't do evil convincingly..."  
  
"Oh you can," she said dryly. "Got that evil smirk down. Have to be sat down and taught that?"  
  
A slightly proud look. "Nope. S'all me."  
  
An almost giggle, kissed him lightly. "Lucky me..."  
  
Purred louder, giving a little grin. "And there's somethin' about you that I love. Your little giggly noise. S'adorable."  
  
She rolled her eyes at him. "Yeah. It's just too cute."  
  
"No, I mean it, luv." His eyes showed he did. "Your eyes light up, and you've got this cute little dimple right here..." Touched a spot on her cheek. "It's adorable. One of the many things I love 'bout you..."  
  
Her eyes cast down shyly, a smile turning her lips.  
  
He smiled as well. Quietly, "And there's that smile. Love that, too. You're so beautiful, Buffy... Do you even know how beautiful you are?"  
  
She just laughed quietly, a nervous ring to it. "No, but you know you are."  
  
He shook his head. "No. M'not. But you are. Trust me... I wish you could see yourself the way I see you, Buffy." And he did. In his eyes, she was perfect. She glowed, like the sun, and only a little less dangerous. She was beautiful, and deadly, and amazing, and wonderful... He knew that there weren't any adjectives in the world that could discribe her enough. He'd tried. Had whole notebooks of 'tried'.   
  
She shook her head back at him. "You *are*." She tried to tell him, but couldn't find the right words. "Your eyes... your mouth, the way you pout, and smile and smirk. Perfect shoulders," she mumbled, her hands stroking over them, down his equally wonderful arms. "Velvet and steel." Her fingers traced over his. "Strong hands, soft hands... Squeeze and stroke... Punch..." Hands slid over his stomach. "Perfect." Touched his hips. "That swagger... All that arrogance. Right here. Impatient, loving, arrogant, crazy..." Her eyes took him in. "Beautiful."  
  
He blinked, and swallowed slightly, looking back at her. How she could see all that in him... He had no idea. Honestly couldn't see it himself. But... if she could see it, it must be there, right? So he nodded a little, and glanced away, absently noting that the furniture had been moved since he'd been in her room last. Why he was noticing this NOW when he'd been in there for nearly twelve hours, he had no clue.  
  
She felt almost... bereft? as he glanced away. The swirling blue colors were excitingly new but comforting at the same time. She laid her head on his chest slowly, hoping he understood her words for more than what they were. That they were everything she didn't know how to say as well.  
  
After a moment, his hand came up, stroking her hair. Mumbled, "Desk moved... Lamp too."  
  
"Mirror, too." Had to do something with her 'not-screwing-Spike' free-time.  
  
He looked at the mirror, which, in it's new position, was reflecting the bed, and suddenly started chuckling as he looked at it. In the mirror, she appeared to be half floating about a foot and a half off the bed, and her hair was moving on it's own.  
  
She followed his eyes, a small laugh emerging. "Hey, try something..." Lifted her head, and began to kiss him.  
  
He gave a soft growl into her mouth, instantly responding, his hand sliding further into her hair and momentarially forgetting the mirror, his other hand sliding up the back of her pajama shirt, rubbing her back a little. In the mirror, the shirt, and her hair moved on their own, as she apparently was kissing thin air.  
  
She giggled, and it was muffled as she spilled it into their joined mouths.  
  
His eyes opened, her giggle reminding him of the mirror, and glanced at it. A chuckle mixed with her next giggle, and he did something on purpose. He kept stroking her hair, but raised his hand a little, letting it drop through her fingers, the result in the mirror giving the appearance that there was very bad static cling in the room and her hair was standing up on it's own.  
  
Another smile curved her mouth, but her free hand drifted over his eyes, closing them again, concentrating on kissing him.  
  
His head moved for a moment, trying to follow her hand and nuzzle it, still kissing her. Nipped lightly at her tongue as it gained entrance to his mouth, more of a welcoming gesture than a hindering one.  
  
She teased at his tongue. rubbing, swirling gently, her hand gliding over his cheek.  
  
He made a low sound in his throat. Appriciation, love, gratitude, and just open caring in the sound, now. She'd heard it before but... not quite that way. It humbled her. Made her fly. She could still mean so much to him. She let go of the words tugging at her throat, pulling back far enough to whisper, "I need you."  
  
His eyes opened and he blinked at her. Whispered, just as softly, "Not half as much as I need you, luv... You do fine without me, I.. I break, without you."  
  
She blinked back a moisture in her eyes, and she placed a finger across his lips. "No. I'm strong.. I have to be... But... You let something in me live, and when you're not there..." Her fingers slipped from his lips. "It's gone, too."  
  
He blinked at her, not quite knowing what to say. Then, "The 'something'... What is it?" He put a finger to her lips as she was about to answer. Quietly, "Does it feel like... you get up, and you walk around. You do your stuff, same thing every day. You get things done, cause they have to be, but... Inside you know you're... just going through the motions, cause the part of you that you need to be HERE, isn't 'here'?"  
  
A dazed look crossed her face as she nodded. That was it. She'd never been able to describe it, even to herself... but... Yes. That was it.  
  
He nodded again, giving a very small smile. "Know exactly what you mean, then."  
  
She stared into his eyes, leaving hers open to him, trying to catch all the emotion in his.  
  
There was that... 'something' again. That something that he couldn't identify. He knew his brow furrowed when he looked back into her eyes, but he didn't care. An almost desperate curiosity was filling him. He WANTED to know what that was. This was the THIRD time he'd seen it in her eyes, and it was starting to drive him crazy. WOULDN'T let himself believe that it could be love, but... Had no clue what it was if it wasn't. Blinked, slowly. Now his thoughts had stopped making sense.  
  
He looked confused. Angry? Almost petulant. She cast her eyes down. "What?"  
  
He had nothing to hide from her. Mumbled, "See somethin'. Dunno what it is. Bothers me."  
  
"What 'something'?"  
  
He cupped her chin and brought her eyes to his. "In you. When you look in my eyes. There's something... An emotion, and I don't know what it is." Made a face. "Been botherin' me since the bathroom last night."  
  
Her brow furrowed. "Does it worry you?"  
  
Shook his head. "No. Just... bugs me cause I can't figure it out."  
  
The frown cleared, and a gentle smile took it's place. "Don't like not knowing everything, huh?"  
  
He made a face again. An 'almost' pout. "No. Do you?"  
  
She shrugged. "I deal."  
  
The pout became a full fledged one. "I don't."  
  
An almost smile. "But you will." Her lips brushed and teased at his pouting ones.  
  
He pulled back a little and mumbled, with a playful tone, "I don't wanna feel better yet. Gimme a minute."  
  
She grinned, nipped at his still pouting bottom lip. "Look at that lip..." She intoned.  
  
The corners of his lips twitched, but he dutifully turned his head slightly, away from her, playing along.  
  
"Gonna get it..." Seductive lick. "Gonna... get it..." Tugged at it.  
  
A small chuckle broke through his resolve and he kissed her, purring loudly and smiling against her mouth, eyes twinkling. Loved that she remembered that day, obviously as clearly as he did. What had been something that he'd looked on and been disgusted had quickly turned into what it still was, a treasured and priceless memory.  
  
She gave an appreciative moan as he kissed her, her nose crinkling almost imperceptively with a smile.  
  
His arms slipped around her as they parted, both still smiling. He whispered, grinning, "Am I supposed to say 'Buffy lips! Lips of Buffy!' now?"  
  
"Not if you're gonna make a big huge scene with the spitting, and stuff..."  
  
Just raised an eyebrow at her, barely holding a stern look, his eyes showing the laughter just beneath the surface.  
  
She dipped her head again. Kissed his bottom lip. "Spike lips." Kissed his top lip. "Lips of Spike..."  
  
He gave a small whimpering moan and swallowed. Mumbled, "So, m'guessin' you're not gonna 'gargle with Lysol' this time?" Raised an eyebrow. "Didn't know I heard that, did you?"  
  
A small flush and a smile. "Still have 'Buffy taste' in your mouth?"  
  
He leaned up so that his mouth was next to her ear and whispered, "Always."  
  
Her eyes closed as his low voice rumbled through her. "Good," she breathed out.  
  
Hot. Okay. He momentarially forgot that he didn't have body heat. That was what was causing this sudden rise in... oh. Okay. Maybe not. Swallowed. "Do we... have a fan, or water... or something?" Mumbled, "Maybe a shower made out of ice cubes..."  
  
Hooded eyes swung to his. "We have a shower..."  
  
He fought the 'scared animal' reaction down this time. Other things taking precidence. Unnessisary breathing sped up a little as his eyes searched hers for confirmation.  
  
She watched him, waiting his pleasure. They would, or they wouldn't. It was him, this time. She wanted it for him. For herself, too, she wouldn't lie, not to herself, But she had definitely discovered an affinity for watching him. Priceless, timeless, exquisite.  
  
He swallowed a little, then squeezed his eyes shut, focusing on the other heartbeats in the house for a moment. Had to make sure that everyone was still asleep. Mumbled, "Have to cross the hall for that... and water might make too much noise...."  
  
"We're still fine where we are..." An easy out.  
  
And it was. Probably not what she thought, though. "You're right. Here is better." She'd obviously forgotten how fast he could be when he wanted to, as she suddenly found their positions reversed. The air rushed from her lungs as she found herself staring up at Spike.   
  
Her gasp made him pause. He just stayed there, a slight 'deer in headlights' look in his eyes. Their positions would make it easy for her to throw him off her, and he honestly expected her to. He'd moved too fast. Made a snap judgment that she wasn't ready for, and he was about to be tossed out the window to get a tan. Was ready for it, too. Until the soft, almost... pleased smile turned her lips?   
  
"Hi..." Drawn out and low.  
  
He visably relaxed, wide eyes blinking slowly down at her as one hand stroked her side. In a low voice, "Hello, beautiful."  
  
She loved his voice. Was that why she had tried so hard to tune it out? Her hands slipped up to play with the hair resting at the base of his neck.  
  
He leaned down, resting his forehead on hers, then hand on her side sliding down to tuck under the waistband of her jamma pants. Very quietly, "You're sure?"  
  
Everything in her contracted, released. "Yes." Strong but quiet. "Only if you do."  
  
He paused, a small internal battle waging within him. It was a memory. A mistake. One, among millions he'd made. The only one that still hurt as if it was new. Because the others had been buried. And now it was time to do the same with this one. He nodded, slowly, looking into her eyes. "I don't think I've... ever been more sure of anything, luv."  
  
She nodded in agreement, hands slowly sliding down to his hips, pushing gently on the denim resting there. As her fingers pulled at the rough fabric, her toes tugged on the legs of them, eyes still carefully on his. The jeans slid down a little more, and her hands were free to caress his bare hips.   
  
He trembled at her touch, cool skin shivering under her hands. His own hand found the buttons on her pajama top, unbuttoning one button, then bending and pressing a soft kiss to the newly exposed skin, and kept doing that, moving down as he undid the buttons. Mumbled, "You're beautiful, Buffy... so beautiful..."  
  
She had never shaken when he touched her. It had been so easy... Her thoughts broke off as his lips touched gently at the skin of her stomach, her muscles jumping. Her fingers tangled in his hair. Mumbled nonsensically.  
  
He noted the new movements of her skin. Knew that hadn't been there before. Just like that look that she kept giving him. He nuzzled her hands a little, as he moved low enough to reach the waistband of her jamma pants. Looked at them, then up at her. He was waiting for her permission.  
  
Her hips lifted gently, and her eyes met his, pupils dialated, the ghost of a smile crossing her face.  
  
He took that for what it was: permission. Still, he swallowed a little, and slowly pulled her jamma pants down, and cocked his head a little, giving her a small smile. Quietly, "Taking a page out of my book, luv?" Motioned as he carefully put the jamma pants on the floor next to the bed, where his jeans had wound up a moment before, drawing her attention to her lack of underwear.  
  
Her cheeks flushed a dark pink. "I... was changing, and I thought you were waking up... I was hurrying..."  
  
He brought one hand up and layed a finger gently over her lips. Whispered, "Kinda works out well, luv." Smiled. "Don't you think?"  
  
Gentle smile, and one hand reached down to touch him gently., thumb stroking over his cheekbone. "Yeah."  
  
Spike smiled again, and took a moment to turn his head, gently kissing her thumb. Looked down at her and swallowed slightly, cocking his head a little. One last time. "Buffy, you're certain about this? Even with what I almost-"  
  
Her hand cupped gently over his mouth, cutting the flow of words. "Spike..." She couldn't think of the words. There were none to express her sorrow over both of their actions. "You're..." Her eyes softened and drank him in. "Everything." A quiet whisper, almost not said.  
  
He whimpered softly and kissed the palm of her hand, tension leaving his body. He swallowed slightly and shifted on top of her, positioning himself. Slow wasn't something that came naturally to him. To either of them, really, but something told him that it was the way to go. Moved his hips forward slowly, eyes very nearly crossing at the tempreture difference, and panted for a moment, staring down at her, taking in the emotions and everything flashing through her eyes. Fear, elation, esctasy... Something... something else, taking him in, binding them, two as one... Why had it never been like that before? Why was this the first time?? He could've just stayed there forever, but his body had other ideas. His hips started moving of their own accord, though he managed to keep it slow, eyes still locked on hers.   
  
She rocked gently against him, eyes still on his, sure, sure that *this* was drowning. Wasn't used to slow... Was she... good at slow? Her legs slowly tangled around his, suddenly not caring, as long as he didn't move from her. She felt his hands brush hers, their fingers twine. Her chest rose in a panting breath.  
  
He nearly forgot to breathe, and when he did, it came in small pants, as he dropped his head to kiss her. Gave that same growl into her mouth, tongue stroking at hers.  
  
Her hips rose with the pleading whimper falling from her lips, her tongue dancing at his, teeth nipping.  
  
He growled again, speeding up his movements, feeling her match. They were moving together... It had never been like this before. Never. He bit at her tongue, suckling on it a little, remembering how that had always gotten to her.  
  
Her eyes slammed closed, and her body shook. She pulled back enough to kiss down his neck, sink her teeth into the curve of his neck and shoulder, mumbling, "Need you..."  
  
He snarled as her teeth clamped on his skin and his eyes took on an almost red tint, excitement bringing the demon to the fore. Started panting out his nose, growling on every exhale, and sped up even more, pulling back and slamming into her. The growls became a word, her name, almost a chant, as he continued to move.  
  
"Oh God..." Matched his pace. Hadn't they always? Always been- God, felt so good- in sync... He had been... "Perfect," she moaned, "Matched, hard... Needed... missed... Fits perfect..."Her hands grasped at his back, hips moving quickly, her mouth meeting his again.  
  
He growled into her mouth again, movements quickly heading for desperate, his eyes closing and crossing at the same time. He bit at her tongue again, his sharp teeth drawing blood, and his tongue licking it away and closing the wound just as quickly.  
  
One thought pulsed through her mind. Close... Close... So... close.. Had to... Kept moving against him. "Spike?" A gasp, barely coherent.  
  
He growled at her in answer, but his eyes showed the question had registered. An unspoken 'what?' echoing between them.  
  
Kept panting, and why were her eyes watering? "Always..." Hips ground against his. "Ever... Only.... Only you..."  
  
His eyes widened a little, seeing that same 'something' in her eyes again. His fevered brain regestering it for what it was, though his concious mind would mostly likely forget it. He let out a loud snarling growl and managed to gasp out, "Buffy... Love you, Buffy.... So much.. can't think... can't breathe... Love you..."  
  
The words swam through her mind, climaxing suddenly, her cry surprising herself, eyes open on his.  
  
He let out a roar, head thrown back, body trembling and hips jerking. Slowly relaxed as they both came down and he collapsed on top of her, his still torture weary body unable to handle the many sensations and emotions bombarding him. Only then became aware of his muscles screaming from over exertion. Decided that moving was rather out of the question for awhile, and just sank down on top of her, panting and still trembling, making tiny whimpers and mewls at the back of his throat.  
  
Her body was still rocking, shaking mindlessly, her hands touching him gently, reverantly.  
  
He panted against the crook of her neck and shoulder, quite literally unable to move. Every motion was a cross between pleasure and pain, edging too close to pain for his comfort. It was better to stay still... and her gentle touches were doing quite a lot to relax him, as well. Yes. Staying still was a good thing.  
  
"First time," she mumbled, hands skimming over his shoulders, her mouth pressing gentle kisses on the shoulder closest her. "Perfect..." Panting laugh. "Babbling. Need to shut up."  
  
A soft chuckle, and he nuzzled her a little. Mumbled, "Don't mind... keep talkin', baby... Love your voice... your touch... everythin' 'bout you... Love you..."  
  
She hummed lazily, squirming beneath him. "Keep talking like that... Gonna have to have another round..."  
  
He chuckled again, but quieted. Mumbled, "Don't think I could... Kinda can't move."  
  
She nuzzled him gently. "Is it... is it okay... if we just... can I just lay with you?"  
  
Spike gave her a small smile down at her, and relaxed again. Mumbled, "Sounds good to me, luv..."  
  
She let out a long, quiet breath, arms slowly wrapping around him, tentatively placing another kiss on his shoulder.  
  
He started purring again, quietly. Mumbled, even though part of him said that it was insanely corny, "Thank you, Buffy..."  
  
She shook her head, one hand finding its way to his mouth. "Stop it. No more. Thank *you*, too..."  
  
He blinked down at her hand over his mouth, then gave a small smile and kissed it.  
  
She stared into his eyes. "I mean it, Spike. No more thank you's, or sorry's... Just... just now, okay?"  
  
He nodded a little and dropped his head a little, resting it on her shoulder again. Quietly, "Okay... Well, right now, I'm wondering if you have anything like... ibuprophen within reach of the bed, cause m'not movin'."  
  
She gave a fake angry groan, and flopped one arm out, to pull at the drawer at her nightstand. Fumbled around a moment, and finally pulled out a bottle of pills. Handed them off to Spike.  
  
He shifted a little on top of her, twisting the cap off and dumping six pills into his hand, which he quickly dry swallowed and put the bottle on the nightstand. Sighed and relaxed again, making a face as the muscles in his back and sides started screaming at the motion.  
  
She kissed his grimacing mouth, hands sliding away to massage at his back and sides.  
  
He made a little noise and swallowed. Mumbled, "Pulled... torn or somethin'... Hurts..." Wondered if she could feel the many places his ribs had knitted, and were still knitting. The dents where knives had plunged into him. Part of him hoped she couldn't. Didn't want her pity. And another part wanted her to know. He'd been through that, and hadn't given up hope. Her believing in him was what got him through. What continued to help him fight. What got him through.  
  
She stopped touching immediately, her eyes, frowning, catching his. "You said you were all healed up."  
  
Looked at her, sighing. "I wanted to help. M'fine. Didn't hurt till a few minutes ago... Strained some things, s'all... M'okay, luv."  
  
She ignored him, her hands everywhere, prodding gently, feeling for half-healed cuts, bruises, holes, or muscles. And she found plenty. Pulled back to look at him, lips pursed.  
  
Perfect. Now she was mad at him. Opened his mouth to attempt another 'I'm okay', but didn't get that far.  
  
"No. No you're not 'okay' or whatever bullshit you were gonna say. I'm not gonna pitch you out because you can't train for a few weeks. I want you well... I want you better..."  
  
"But, Buffy.. I-"  
  
"No! No. You're not training. You're not even... not even LOOKING at the weight bench. You're sure as HELL not gonna run around cemeteries in Sunnydale only partly healed."  
  
He raised his head, about to protest, when something in his side grated auditably and his speech turned into a slight whimper. Rested his head on her again, breathing quietly. Mumbled, the fight gone, "Okay."  
  
She turned her head, kissed his temple, hard. "Make me worry like that..."  
  
He swallowed and sighed. Mumbled, "Sorry... I just wanted to help you... You and the Mini-Slayers... Figured that.. If you needed me, maybe I wouldn't... Be such a burden."  
  
She kissed over to his ear, nuzzled, whispered softly, "You're never a burden. You just like to be nosy."  
  
He moved his head a little, nuzzling her slightly. Quietly, "I don't think I'm nosy."  
  
Grinned, nipped at his earlobe. "But you are."  
  
A soft growl was his answer, and he nudged her again. Mumbled, "Luv, remember the 'can't move' aspect of this pain? You're not exactly helpin'..." A slightly playful tone, though.  
  
She smiled, gave him a chaste kiss. "Sorry, baby."  
  
Spike gave a small chuckle, relaxing again. "Nothin' to apologize for, luv... Like you said... not callin' it a problem."  
  
She rolled her hips almost unnoticeably, adjusting. "Nope."  
  
'Almost' being the operative word. He gave a small whimper and closed his eyes for a moment as her movement caused something in him to shift slightly. Swallowed. Okay. That had hurt. Quite badly... What the hell was that, anyway? Felt like something had... squished. Definitely not good.  
  
She murmured an apology, biting her bottom lip nervously, hand touching his cheek gently. "Sorry," she mumbled again. "Had to squirm."  
  
He shrugged slightly and half nuzzled her hand. "S'okay, luv... I think I'd better... Move a little or something, though..." Rolled slightly so that more of his weight was resting on the matteress, feeling whatever the... squishy thing was shift again, but then calm. Mumbled, "Okay. This is better."  
  
Her eyes searched his out. "You're sure? We can..." a blush rose slightly, something Spike wasn't used to on her. "*Move*, if you need..."  
  
He smiled at her, the thought of how... cute, that little face was quickly pushing the fading feelings of pain out of his mind. "No, pet. I'm okay... Just need to lay here for a couple of minutes... Somethin'..." Made a face. "Well, I'm pretty sure it shouldn't do that, anyway. Nevermind."  
  
Her brow furrowed. "What hurts?"  
  
The easy answer, 'everything', wasn't the one to give at this moment. "Told you before, luv... Just got a few things not quite where they should be, yet. M'fixin' up nicely. Just takes time."  
  
She started to slide away from him. "Blood. I'll go downstairs, and get some-"  
  
His hand gripped her arm. "Don't..." Not really... pleading, but... Somehow getting a minor note of it across. "I'm okay, really, luv. Just need a minute... I'd like you to stay.. stay with me. Just you bein' here... it helps."  
  
She moved close to him again, nuzzing her mouth against the side of his neck, feeling content to stay there.  
  
He shifted slightly, stretching a little, and slipping the arm that had grabbed her arm to slip around her, absently stroking her side. Nuzzled her a little. "Thank you." He'd asked her to stay with him before... And she'd walked away. Admittedly, he was rather... out of it at the time, but... To know that she'd stay now... It made him feel good. And somehow seemed to lessen the pain more.  
  
The words 'no big' almost fell out of her mouth, but she stilled them when she realized, yes... It WAS a big deal. THIS was a huge deal. This was the future, in an odd way. So, the next true phrase was allowed to tumble from her lips. "Always welcome."  
  
Once he was sure it wouldn't hurt, he started purring loudly, his body relaxing again. He felt... accepted. Cared for. It was new... and it was nice. Only hoped this wouldnt' stop when everything was... back to normal. Or, as close to normal as Sunnydale got.  
  
An idea hit Buffy and she smiled impishly. "Spike?"  
  
One eye opened. "Hmm?"  
  
She asked innocently, "Would you like to go to dinner with me?"  
  
He blinked. Was she... coherant thought suddenly stopped working. "Uh... well, yeah.. If you'd.. that is..." Apparently speech went along with coherant thought... Oh look.. there they went.. out the window...  
  
She was obviously trying not to laugh as another thought hit her. The first time Spike said he loved her. "You can even bring that flask if you want to..."  
  
Did he even still HAVE that thing?? Honestly couldn't remember. Just... blinked at her, knowing he must have resembled a dying fish, his mouth opening, then closing slightly, no sound making it out.  
  
A small giggle escaped. "Um... If this is the caliber of conversation I can expect... I'll have to consider withdrawing the invitation..."  
  
"Eh.. but... You.. Are you..." Now he growled. Getting supremely frustraited with himself. Forced it out. "Are YOU asking ME out?"  
  
"Well, I- Why *not*? You think a girl should just WAIT on the guy, who's gonna wait for like... *ever* if this past while has been ANY indication... Does the woman's lib movement mean ANYthing to you?" Were they play fighting??  
  
He gave a growl and snorted slightly. "For your information, Slayer" ah, THERE was coherent thought. Back in action. "Before last night, I didn't think you'd ever want to... Try ANYTHING with me again... I'm still recoverin' from that, and now you toss... something we've NEVER done before at me....." Blinked confusedly. Mumbled, very quietly, "I have no clue what's going on."  
  
"I asked you on a date, and... apparently, having sex with me is easier than dating me, and you *haven't* said yes yet, either." Was there a nervous ring to her voice? No. Stop it, voice.  
  
He blinked. "Well, of COURSE yes. I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't... Dreaming or... whatever... And, luv... I just don't want to... to disappoint you or something. I mean... I can't eat all the things you can... garlic pretty much rules out Italian, and I know how you love that... And we COULD have chinese, problem with that is that the place that only does delivery is the best in town, and-" God, he was babbling. How do you stop babbling??!  
  
Apparently, her, "I don't care," was a good babble-stopper.  
  
He fell silent for a few seconds at that, just blinking at her. Tried again, "Then... what do you want?" He wasn't talking about the food anymore. His tone of voice made that obvious.  
  
Again, that strange blush. She'd never been... relation-shippy with Spike, and she didn't know how to do it. He wasn't Angel, he wasn't Riley... He was... Spike. She didn't even know how SPIKE was, relation-shippy. All she had to go by was Drusilla, and... Okay, THAT was freaky. An almost shy smile turned the corners of her lips. "I wanna sit, and have dinner, wherever you feel like stopping, and just... talk about you, and me, and movies, and things that don't have to do with the world ending, or slaying, and maybe hold hands till our food arrives." Quietly, "I wanna... go on a date with you?"  
  
He just looked at her for a moment, a small smile showing on his face. Quietly, "Sounds absoluetly wonderful, luv... And, for the record?" A slightly playful tone entered his voice. "I've wanted to go on a date with you for the last... damn near two years. So... don't worry 'bout me sayin' no. I'll pretty much do whatever you want."  
  
Her hands rose, fingers meeting in the center of the back of his neck, drawing around it and down slowly, shyly. "So... You'd even wear that blue button-up, with that tight black shirt under it?"  
  
He smiled at her and rested his forehead on hers. Spoke quietly, "Want me to leave the top three or so buttons undone?" He would do anything she wanted.   
  
The smile was almost bashful. Had Spike ever seen this side of her?? "That'd be nice..."  
  
He was purring again. He'd seen glimpses of this side of her before. Early that last year... before everything started a long spiral downwards... When she'd confided in him. Let him help her. When he'd thought that they might have become friends, and... God, that would've been enough for him. Just to have her trust him, and... and then something had happened, and it'd all gone to hell by the start of that summer. Part of him STILL didn't know what had happened to change it, though he was almost certain that, whatever it was, it had been his fault.  
  
A shadow passed across his eyes, disappearing as quickly as it had come, but Buffy still didn't like it. Tilted her head up slightly to press her lips to his, gently, affectionately. So misused, her Spike. So very very misused. Especially by her, and her stunning displays of selfishness. Very giving of her to twist the feelings she knew he had for her into something she could use to her own end, the quick way to feel. Couldn't 'go through the pain'. No wonder Willow cracked. Buffy couldn't even follow her own advice. But it was now that was fixable. *Now* that could be right, genuine. The way it should have been. She let his purr vibrate through her system, absorbing it.  
  
Spike relaxed again at her gentle kiss. There was so much in it that hadn't been there before. Still some parts of it that he wouldn't let himself identify. It was a variation on that... 'something' that he'd kept seeing. But... he'd decided not to let that bother him anymore. No. It was a GOOD something, whatever it was. So... not worth bothering himself over. Especially when he was feeling so warm, and comfy, and... sticky. Blinked. Okay. Had forgotten how much of a workout being with Buffy was.. especially with his body not being at full strength. He felt... sweaty. Yuck. Needed a shower. Badly. But so, SO didn't want to move... Oh, the delima.  
  
Her nose bumped his. "That was a pretty face."  
  
He blinked, the affectionate gesture snapping him back to the present. And the words confusing him. "Huh?"  
  
She screwed her own features up into a look of distaste. "Like that."  
  
He chuckled a little. "Oh... See, I was just thinking... We're kinda..." Shrugged a little. "Sticky." They'd actually never been together long enough afterwards for him to notice that. She always left... And now she didn't. Which was nice, but... brought up this new thing. Mumbled, "But I don't wanna move to do somethin' 'bout it."  
  
She let out a small laugh, almost... relieved sounding? "Me, too... But..." She moved slightly, and the face she made wasn't entirely fake. "Yeah.. Gonna have to do something about it."  
  
He chuckled softly. Mumbled, "Alright... what would you propose?"  
  
She pressed her forehead to his, said quasi-sternly, "Ya know, for a vampire, you're a realy messy guy. Shower?" Almost pleadingly. She'd never stayed with him long enough to feel this... icky. Well, not on the inside. On the inside she felt... shaky, and nervous, and happy, but on the not-so-outside outside... There was a definite ick factor.  
  
He nodded a little with a sigh, and rolled to get up in the dimly lit room, ignoring the flashes of pain that shot from multiple places in his body. Quietly, "You go ahead, luv... I'll change the sheets here and get a shower when you're done."  
  
This shouldn't feel so new, she berated herself, it's *Spike*. But she still found herself drawing the sheet up to her neck with one hand, saying softly, "You could join me..."  
  
He froze, blinking at her. "Me... join you?" Growled at himself. Mumbled, "Okay. At some point today, I'm gonna stop repeating you like an idiot."  
  
Her legs twisted in the sheets, and another flirtatious smile turned her mouth. "Soon?"  
  
He grinned a little and straightened up. "I'm sure hopin' so." Chuckled and tenatively extended a hand to her to help her out of the bed. "Though... if the offer still stands... I'd like to take you up on that shower."  
  
She slid out from under the sheets, hand in his, a strange feeling enveloping her. They'd never held hands... "Sounds good to me." 'Sounds good to me'???? That was the BEST she had? Oh yeah... She was smooth...  
  
He smiled a little, an almost... shy quality to it, and helped her up. Quietly, "Me too, actually..." They walked toward the bathroom, knowing that everyone was still asleep, hands still clasped together lightly.  
  
She was trying to calm her heart rate, her racing pulse, because... It was silly, really. She'd already slept with him, her mind SWAM at the mere memory of all the times... She'd been naked with him before. But that something in her screamed at her to stop lying to herself. It was insanely different this time, and she KNEW it. She turned the water on, adjusting the taps to her liking, pulling out towels for them, laying them out on the rack.  
  
He was standing in front of the mirror, staring at it, moving something around in front of him. When she turned, she could see that he'd found Dawn's old rubber ducky, and, through the use of vampire mirror invisibility, was currently watching it fly in the mirror as he moved it around.  
  
A smile tugged at her lips, relaxing her entire body. She leaned up, purred in his ear, "Is she migrating south for the winter?"  
  
He jumped slightly and swallowed to block the wince that the movement very nearly caused. Chuckled a little. "Naw... east. Always wanted to see New York."  
  
"It's very pretty," she told the rubber ducky, "but New Yorkers aren't very gentle about ducks so late in season."  
  
He grinned and turned the duck so that it's reflection was looking at hers. Made a 'quack' sound, squeezing the ducky so it's beak opened at the right time.  
  
Another smile graced her features, and her fingers grazed gently at his hips. "Shower," she reminded him.   
  
He blinked, and made an 'oh' sound, looking at the ducky for a moment before putting it down, almost reluctantly. Moved to head for the shower, exposing his back and left side to her for the first time. And that's when she saw it.  
  
The bruise, almost black, encasing far too large an area, made her gasp. Someone had taken a nasty kidney shot at him, it seemed. With a lead pipe. The worry was instantaneous. Had he damaged the inside too badly? Was he bleeding? Why hadn't he told her? Was he angry with her for it? Was he all right?? But the only thing she could breathe out was his name.  
  
He paused at the quiet sound of his name, so quiet that a human wouldn't have even heard it. Turned slightly, his eyes questioning. It must have occured to her then. He didn't have a reflection. He hadn't SEEN the bruise. Probably didn't even know it was there. Just knew it hurt.  
  
Everything she had been thinking, worrying, was plain on her face, and her hand extended to almost brush at the evidence of his torture. "You're... hurt," she choked.  
  
He furrowed his brow, taking in the look on her face, and glanced down. Had to crane his neck to look and then winced when something grated internally. But now he could see... just the beginning of the bruise that was causing so much worry. Very quietly. "Ohh..."  
  
"Ooh, what? Gee, this enormous big black bruise taking up half my back MIGHT have to do with the *slight* discomfort I've been lying about?" Her voice wasn't raised, but the sarcasm was noted.  
  
He ducked his head a little, staring at the scales on the floor rather than at her. "I just... Didn't want you to worry... Didn't know it was... that obvious..."  
  
"So you wouldn't have bothered to let me know that something that would *debilitate* anyone else is *killing* you, unless it's glaringly obvious?? That makes me feel so much better." Her hands started at his shoulders, sweeping across, down his arms, taking inventory of every scrape, every cut, every bruise. Next was his torso, eyes and hands doing the same, down each leg, and gently across his back until she was satisfied. She had a mental inventory of every physical wrong that was visible.  
  
He swallowed a little, still not looking at her. Spoke quietly, "It... was worse. It's healing... not killing me."  
  
The protective anger she was feeling faded quickly at his tone, to be replaced with pampering worry. "Did it rupture the kidney?"  
  
He moved over, sitting on the toilet lid. "I don't know... I know there's something... squishing. I don't know how else to say it. Even... almost makes a sound. I suppose it.. could be the kidney. Probably good that I don't need it."  
  
"But... You're body will heal it, right??" God, she hoped that didn't sound as panicked out loud as it did in her head.  
  
Shrugged a little. Looked at her. "Has Rupert ever talked to you 'bout how a vamp works internally? The organs that we need, and the ones that we don't?"  
  
"Heart, stake, was about the extent of it."  
  
He gave a small smile. "Well, thankfully, my knowledge goes a little deeper. A vampire NEEDS the heart, at least half of a liver, the gall bladder, and about three feet of intestines, and a preferably whole circulatory system. That's all... If any of the rest of the organs... the unneeded ones, are badly injured, the body will heal them. Unless there needs to be more energy diverted to the major ones. Then it... almost eats the damaged organs. Putting their nourishment toward healing the important ones. And, right now... Not knowin' how badly my 'main' organs are damaged... I honestly can't say what'll happen to the kidney." Hoped he wasn't scaring her. But he'd decided to tell nothing but the truth from now on. Starting with this.  
  
"What else hurts, inside?" Her voice was quiet. Worried.  
  
He sighed a little. Quietly, "I honestly don't know. Just... pretty much one big ache. Hasn't healed enough that I can tell it apart yet... I know I probably... I know I have water in my lungs, though."  
  
She was almost stuttering, tripping over the words she was trying to push from her mouth all at once. "We could have Willow see... if there's a... a spell she could do... accelerate your healing, or.. or Giles... Giles could know how to-"  
  
He stood, his hand gently resting over her mouth. Made a little 'shush' sound. "Luv... I've been hurt like this before. I made it back. I'm already well on my way. I can take care of the healing on my own. I've done it before, and... I doubt this'll be the last time."  
  
"I'm so sorry." Because she knew he was right. It wouldn't be the last. She couldn't give him that.  
  
He nodded slightly, then smiled a little and gestured to the shower. Quietly, "You know, we did come in here for a reason..."  
  
She smiled, for him, and tugged on his hand, stepping into the tub, trying to avoid the cold water as it sputtered out in the beginning.  
  
He followed her, cautiously stepping in after her, hissing a little when the now warm water happened to hit the bruise on his back. Among other things. Closed his eyes for a moment, just getting used to it.  
  
"Too hot?"  
  
He shook his head a little. Mumbled, "Hurts a little.. not too hot, just... hitting... sensitive spots... Gimme a minute."  
  
She switched their positions, trying to use her smaller frame to block the jetting stream from hitting his body quite so hard. Which was kind of amusing, considering how slight she really was.  
  
He smiled and did something on instinct that suprised them both. Seeing her attempt to 'save' him from the water, he pulled her to him, her back to his front, and just held her there for a moment, almost... hugging her, before releasing. Spoke softly, "Thanks, luv... But I'll be fine."  
  
A blush heated her body, and a small, almost embarrassed smile turned her lips, and, for lack of something better to do, tipped her head back in the spray, letting it soak her hair, enjoying the water pelting down on her, absorbing the heat. She smoothed her hair back, then grabbed the light pink loofah, and a body wash. "You," she commanded playfully. "In the spray."  
  
He looked at the pink thing, and cocked his head slightly, but stepped into the spray. Felt it's warmth being transfered to him, making him warm. Feeling almost alive. Purred quietly. He felt... better... That is, until the water flowed over his face. His entire body jerked, almost in a spasm, and he leaped away from the spray, flattening himself against the back wall of the shower, panting. Internally, the debate raged. It was a SHOWER, not a dank pool. And that was Buffy. The REAL Buffy, not the First. There was no Turok-Han, no cave... He was safe. Didn't help the wave of fear that washed through him.  
  
Her eyes were wide, but her hands stroked gently over his arms. "Hey... It's okay." She had seen the shallow little pool, and with his new admission of water in his lungs, it left little doubt as to what caused the scare. She had been the same way after the Master. "We'll try to keep it out of your face," she said softly, trying to not make him uncomfortable or embarrassed.  
  
He was shaking. God, he was trembling like a dying leaf. Looked at her, fear still showing in his eyes, but there were other things there, too. Trust. Love. And an almost desperate need for.... something. He needed... It took a moment for her to place it. Caring. He needed someone to just... take care of him. Probably had never needed it as badly as he did that moment. And he was still shaking, despite the shower induced warmth of his skin. God, that had scared him. Had she ever seen him like this?? Even CLOSE to this... this... terrified? But.. vampires can't drown... right?  
  
She didn't know what to say, how to act, with him like this. Never, she'd never seen him so terror struck, scared, vulnerable looking. She wrapped her arms gently around his middle, head resting tentatively on his chest, wanting desperately to reassure him, but not quite knowing how. She hoped this helped some... just a little bit?   
  
It did. The shaking slowly stopped and his body relaxed against her, his head dropping to rest his cheek against her wet hair, just breathing slowly, her scent calming him. After a few moments, he mumbled, "...sorry..."  
  
She lifted her head, stared fiercely up at him. "No. Never be sorry. Be pissed off that they would DARE touch what's mine, offended that they'd try to mar someone as beautiful as you, but don't you *ever* be sorry for being scared after something like that happened to you."  
  
He blinked at her, wondering if she was even aware of half of what she said. She thought he was hers? Well, he was, but he didn't know SHE knew that. And.. she thought he was beautiful... he didn't even know how to think about that one.  
  
She huffed out a self-righteous breath, pulling him gently, carefully back into the spray, balancing precariously on her toes to adjust the shower head, till she was sure it wouldn't accidentally spray him again. She added the body wash she had had to her loofah, scrubbing it together until it foamed appropriately. Stroked it gently across his shoulders, soaping down his arms.  
  
He blinked a little, then smiled slightly. This was... nice... even if he was gonna wind up smelling like flowers, or.. whatever that scent was. He sniffed, head cocked, trying to identify it. Had the feeling that she wanted to do this without him interfering.  
  
She washed him gently, everywhere, turning him this way and that in the water, being careful to not hurt him, at the same time, the hand not holding the loofah explored his body thoroughly, forgotten muscles, dips, curves in his body. And when she had completely finished, she loaded up her little pink puff, and started again. "You," she mumbled, eyes on her task, " are gonna smell like Caress Waterfresh Breeze, if you're wondering."  
  
He blinked a little, partially leaning against the wall, his purring getting louder by the second. Allowed his eyes to half close, just feeling her hands on him, the light touches sending very plesant feelings through him. Absently wondered how she knew what he'd been thinking, but settled for mumbling, "Yeah... I was... Smells nice..."  
  
She hummed noncommitally, turning him into the water to rinse him.  
  
He obediently stood there, letting the warm water flow over him, keeping his eyes half closed. An absent part of his mind suddenly informed him that he was actually very close to falling asleep standing up. He didn't really care.  
  
Buffy tilted Spike's head to hers, waited till his eyes opened, focused on her. "Gonna wet your hair," she told him quietly, enjoying the fuzzily happy look on his face.  
  
He nodded a little, lazily, then blinked. Mumbled, obviously working to form coherant thoughts, "M'taller than you... you'll lose... circulation in your arms if you..." Blinked and noticed the little shower stool that had been sitting outside the shower. "That thing might help. If I sat... you wouldn't... get numb hands..." Made a face at his own sentence.  
  
She leaned out, tugged it in, and in seconds he was seated, and Buffy was smiling gently, pouring the VERY vanilla smelling shampoo into her hands, then working it into a lather in his hair. She knew his hair would be clean in a matter of moments, but she stood behind him, massaging his scalp gently, slow circular movements of her fingers, finding it soothing even to herself, and more so because of the way Spike was blatantly enjoying it.  
  
Oh, and he was. He was pushing into her hands, purring loudly. Grabbed the sides of the stool he was sitting on twice, just to keep from tipping over from pure relaxation and happiness. Then the scent really started to get to him, and he found himself nuzzling against her hands, and then, without thinking, against her stomach just behind his head. Mumbled, "Vanilla... oh, hell... Buffy... vanilla is... vampire cat-nip... Didn't hit me till... just now..."  
  
A laugh bubbled out of her, and she tilted his head back, leaning forward to kiss him quickly.  
  
He purred even louder and suddenly proceeded to attempt to grab one of her hands in his mouth. The.. 'vamp-nip' obviously putting him into a semi-playful, semi-cuddly mood, as, even though he was biting at her hand, he was also nuzzling her stomach again.  
  
She stepped a bit closer, letting him nuzzle her, the small nips enticing and innocent at the same time. The un-bitten hand slid slowly down to halfway wrap at his stomach, letting her almost hug him from behind.  
  
He finally managed to catch one of her fingers in his mouth and made a muffled 'ha' sound when he caught it. Closed his eyes, devoting the rest of his attention to nuzzling her, lightly chewing on her finger, a motion that calmed him even further. And, somehow, his purring managed to get even louder at that point.  
  
She laughed softly, pressing a kiss to his temple. "We've gotta rinse you," she mumbled.  
  
Mumbled around her finger, "Nuh uh.... couple more minutes?" Kept his eyes closed, body pressing back against her, still nuzzling her every few seconds, leaving suds on her stomach.  
  
Her hand trailed slowly back up his torso, to bury itself in his hair. "Can't turn down a request like that..."  
  
He was almost sagging against her, any pain he'd been feeling somehow gone, despite the still evident wounds and bruises. His purring was louder than she'd ever heard it before, and he was still lightly chewing on her finger, using just his front teeth, his eyes remaining closed.  
  
"You're so wonderful," she said, unaware she had spoken the words aloud.  
  
His jaw stopped moving for a moment, then started again, as he internally debated whether or not to ask 'what?'. Then, a change of tactics, and he mumbled around her finger, "So're you, luv."  
  
She seemed almost startled at his words, wondering how he had heard her thoughts, when it sank in that she had spoken. A serious look took her face as she tilted his head back again, stareing into his eyes. "This is- this could be really good, huh?"  
  
He looked up at her, noting that the mysterious 'something' was back in her eyes again. Nodded very slightly, releasing her finger to speak quietly. "I've always thought so. Yeah."  
  
It made something inside her shake to hear him say that, in that tone. She nudged him to a standing position, toeing the stool aside, and stood him in the spray again. She tilted his head back, stood on her toes, and rinsed his hair carefully, not even thinking about 'numb hands' or whatnot, and even after the water ran clean, no evidence of suds, she kept running her fingers through the bleached locks, an intensely thoughtful look on her face.  
  
He tensed up a little, swallowing slightly. Didn't understand her sudden silence, or that... almost frown she had. Ventured quietly, "Buffy... Did I say something wrong?"  
  
His voice jerked her back from her musings. "What? No. No. Of course not." At his slightly disbelieving look, she ran a hand gently across his cheek. "No."  
  
The disbelief changed to confusion and he cocked his head slightly. "Then... what's wrong? You had that little... thinking line... here." Lightly touched a finger to her forehead, just between her eyebrows.  
  
"I was thinking that I have no right to you." And it was true. She could list the ways that she did not deserve this man. "But that I want to, anyway."  
  
Well. That didn't help the confusion. "No.. right...? But..." Now his brow furrowed, obviously not even comprehending what she was saying. For, in his mind, he was the one who was unworthy of her. Some part of him still remembered his place... Or, where he thought it was. What she'd told him. Somewhere, back in his mind, he still believed that he was beneath her.  
  
Her arms slid around him again, easier this time. Easier every time. "So sweet, and loving and strong. Faithful, beautiful, kind man... Make me feel so special, and not in that 'the chosen', kind of way... No... I definitely don't deserve that."  
  
His own arms went around her on reflex, heedless of the water still hitting them both. Blinked at her. Spoke softly, "No. You don't. You deserve more. Far more... If I could... I'd get you anything you ever wanted... anything your heart desired... If you wanted a star... I'd find a way to get one. If you wanted the moon, I would make it land in the back yard.... You deserve the world, Buffy... I'm just... Honored to be living in a world where you are... Cause, without you... It's a dark, scary place. And it hurts, every day. With you here... the sun comes out... And, believe me.. after you've lived without the sun for awhile... you'd do anything to see it again."  
  
"I want you," she confessed softly. "Everyday, to talk to, and train with, and wake up with..." A small laugh. "To fight with..." More seriously. "To touch, and hold..."  
  
He made a small sound. Unidentifiable, though the closest noise to it might be discribed as a whimper. And just kept looking at her. Blinked. "Buffy.. I.. What you just said... It's all I ever wanted... more than I dared wish for... are we... I mean... do you think we can... have that?" So hopeful, and yet, there was a tone that also said, if not, it would be okay. He would hope for the best but, like all predators, he learned from the past. And the past said that, eventually, one of them would get hurt. He didn't want to hurt her. Never hurt her. Not ever again.  
  
She looked at him, a fragile hope in her own eyes. "I think we can try..." She didn't want to ever hurt him like she had. Not ever again.  
  
Very very quietly. "Trying is good." What WAS that something? It was back in her eyes again. And now it seemed to have grabbed his eyes, and wasn't letting him look away... Not that he really wanted to, anyway. Which probably had something to do with it.  
  
"...Very good..." They'd never connected like this. Their touch had never been as intimate, as innocent, as vulnerable, or as strong. It let Buffy hope. This time, it would be different.  
  
Was he holding her up, or was she holding him up? It.. was impossible to tell, he found. Possibly because, as of that moment, they'd made a decision. Whether or not they were aware that the other one had made it as well. They would be a source of strength for the other. Each holding the other up from now on. Carrying, helping, caring, comforting each other when they needed it. When their eyes finally broke the locked gaze, albeit only to blink, Spike suddenly realized that he'd been standing too long. Made a little whimpering sound as the leg connected to that huge dark bruise suddenly decided that it wouldn't hold him up anymore.  
  
Buffy was suddenly supporting all of Spike's frame. Which was a precarious thing to do in a wet shower as a surprise, but she kept her footing, managing to ask, one foot trying to turn off the water, "Are you allright?"  
  
He gave a small growl and grabbed onto the shower stool, barely managing to sit on it, panting slightly. Growled again, in frustration. "I'm fine. Leg just went out on me, s'all... Stupid thing."  
  
"Not stupid. Abused. Can you sit in the water a few more minutes, or do you want out now?"  
  
He sighed. "I can't stand, that's for sure. So.. yeah. Sittin' is okay..." Blinked as she moved to get out. "Uh... where're you goin'?" A part of him hated that little sound of fear that crept into his voice. But, it was there. He had spent the last... going on fifteen hours now in very close physical contact with her, and it honestly scared him that she was moving away from him.  
  
She blinked at him. "I used the last of the bodywash on you... I was just gonna grab another bottle and wash up really quick..." She gestured vaguely to the bathroom beyond the shower curtain.  
  
"Oh." Growled silently to himself. Get all worked up and nervous over nothin'... How embarrassing....  
  
She kissed his forehead gently, slipped out of the shower to rummage around a moment, then reappeared  
  
brandishing a new bottle and smiling.   
  
He gave her a small smile, scooting his stool back with his one good leg to give her more room. Absently rubbed at his thigh, despite the pain it sent up his body. Pain was better than numb. He could WALK with pain, whereas with numbness, he'd just fall down.  
  
She lathered her little pink puff up again, washing efficiently, barely aware of his eyes on her, enjoying the water, and the CLEAN feeling of the suds. Rinsed and reached for the shampoo.  
  
A quiet voice from behind her made her stop. "Allow me?" He was standing again, having massaged enough feeling back into his injured limb to allow it.  
  
She turned her head to look at him inquisitively, smile almost shyly, and nod.  
  
He took the shampoo and squirted just the right amount into his hands, then set the bottle aside and started working. He massaged the lather into her scalp, much the same way she had with him. Closed his eyes as his hands worked, doing his best both TO inhale the vanilla, and NOT to allow it to make him rub on her like an insane cat. Didn't ENTIRELY work, however, and he did nuzzle her a couple of times in the process of working the shampoo into her hair.  
  
The soft laughs fell out of her every time he did, and she kept nodding her head back into his hands, a contented hum escaping here and there.  
  
Her hair was clean, and he could've easily let her rinse then, but... He just kept moving his hands, now rubbing at her scalp with one and almost stroking her hair with the other. Couldn't help it, though, and he nuzzled her again, purring loudly, knowing that, by that time, he had suds on his cheek.  
  
Her smile was soft, genuine, and completely his. "You're getting sudsy."  
  
He cocked his head slightly, feeling the suds on his right cheek. "Oh.. Well.. I'm off balance. I can fix that." Nuzzled her with the left one, getting suds on it as well. "There. Fixed it."  
  
She laughed softly, and turned in his arms, pressing her mouth to his, sudsy hair and all.  
  
He returned the kiss, pulling her tight against him, his arms sliding down her back to hold her there. His purr was loud, and strong, and with nothing between their bodies, it was easy for her to feel the full force of the declaration of love. For that's what it was. Every time he purred, it was like saying 'I love you' out loud. When they'd been 'together' before, she'd told him not to say it... But she'd never tried to get him to stop purring. Not even once. And she had to know what it meant. After all, she'd been with a vampire before.  
  
It was true enough. She knew what his purr meant. Knew she had encouraged him every time she allowed him to, even if she denied him the words. She wouldn't deny him anything now, the words, the actions, or the purr. She hummed against his mouth again, happy to be where she was, and with who she was.  
  
This time he felt the impending weakness in his leg and reluctantly pulled back from Buffy, motioning to his leg and stepping back to sit on the stool again, rubbing at it. Quietly, "Sorry.... you're gonna haveta rinse by yourself..."  
  
She shook her head, an indication of it not bothering her. Head tilted back, she rinsed her hair, smiling when she was finished, coming to stand between his legs, her hand batting his gently away from his thigh, massaging it on her own.  
  
When he'd been rubbing it, it had hurt. The pain had been his indication that it was working. But, now that she was rubbing it, it didn't hurt at all. In fact, the tingles that ran through it now were actually quite plesant. He felt his purr go up a notch and he leaned slightly to the side to give her better access.  
  
Her eyes watched the spot carefully, fingers kneading the area carefully. "Any better?" she asked, green eyes meeting his.  
  
He nodded, looking down at the leg almost like he didn't believe it was there. "Yeah... lots better... Doesn't even... hurt when you touch it... Hurts when *I* touch it, though..."  
  
She sent him a disapproving pout. "Man hands. Can't be gentle at all, can they? Just abuse the hell out of their own bodies..."  
  
In response, he reached up and stroked a hand down her side, over her own hip a little, eyes following the curve, purring quietly. "I can be gentle when I want to be."  
  
His voice sparked an immediate response in her body, and her hip arched obediently into his hand. "Yes, you can," she agreed in a silky voice.  
  
He leaned forward and nuzzled her stomach again, then pressed a soft kiss just above her belly button, since it was in such easy reach, his hands still sliding over her.  
  
Her fingers slipped on his leg a moment, an almost full-body stutter at his touch. Her back arched slightly, and her hands began to stroke, entice all over, rather than massage.  
  
He smiled a little, purring loudly, and kept pressing soft kisses to her stomach. Remembered that this particular Slayer had very sensitive thighs, especially the backs, and slid both his hands around to knead at the muscle he found there. Then nipped lightly at her stomach, almost playfully.  
  
Her knees weakened to almost buckle, a whimper escaping her, hands skimming through his hair, and a jerky breath caught in her throat.  
  
He gave a small growl, and bit a little harder, just above her belly button. Turnabout, after all, was fair play. Also kept rubbing the backs of her thighs, resting his forehead against her stomach gently.  
  
Her fingers tightened pleasantly in his hair, hips rolling with no permission from her. Her eyes squeezed shut when he bit down harder, pleasure increasing with pressure, and managed, "Tease..."  
  
Growled playfully. "Takes one to know one, Slayer." And this time, when he bit, he didn't tease at all. He BIT. Didn't break the skin, but... this was them, and he knew it would be enough to push her over the edge. Just the bite. He'd done it before. Hell. It was where she'd gotten the idea to bite HIM in that spot.  
  
It took her by surprise, and the cry tumbled out, that sound that he loved to make her produce, everything in her entire being contracting at the same time, releasing in a flow of scent, quivering muscle, and one panting Slayer, hands braced on his shoulders, needing his support.  
  
His hands stopped their kneading of her thighs to slip around her, and pull her down so that she was sitting in his lap, and he just held her, even as she continued to tremble a little. Nuzzled her slightly, still purring.  
  
He'd done that to her, hell, FOR her, before, and every time it took her by surprise, but this was the first time she'd allowed herself to stare at him in open wonder. Every woman should have him in her bed just once, so she would ALWAYS know what she was missing. But Buffy was too possessive for that.  
  
Spike cocked his head a little, looking at her. There was another new look on her face, now. One that could only be discribed as... wonder? What'd he do this time that he hadn't done the... at least twenty other times that he'd pulled that on her? Oh god... did he do something wrong? Had he hurt her? His eyes flickered down to her stomach, searching to see if he'd broken the skin, or even for a red patch. Didn't see anything...  
  
"No, no," she mumbled, "Don't stop looking at me... not yet..."  
  
Now he was sure something was wrong. Lifted his eyes to hers again, a worried look shining in them.  
  
"No... Just smile..." Her hand swept his cheek, the quivering almost gone. It was such a high... He was the only person who could push her over like that, tumbling with just a touch. "So amazing..." Her fingers danced their way across his lips. "Most incredibly talented mouth..."   
  
He caught one of her fingers in his mouth again, now knowing that there was nothing wrong. Started chewing on it, almost absently, smiling at her a little. Well... the 'showering with compliments' was new... both the showering, and the complements, actually. It felt... Really good, actually. He definitely liked it.  
  
A flush suddenly lit her cheeks, and she groaned slightly. "God, I need to learn to shut my mouth, don't I?" She felt suddenly self-conscious. She'd never been.. this naked this long with him before. Ever. She didn't think she'd been naked this long with anyone since birth. Naked, sitting on his lap, no less. Looked at him shyly.  
  
He just smiled at her, still nibbling on her finger. Mumbled around it, "No... I like you talkin'.... love your voice..." Seemed to somehow sense her insecurities. "And you're absolutely beautiful... Did you know that?"  
  
A soft smile turned her lips. "No."  
  
He closed his eyes for a moment, suckling on her finger a little, then opened them and mumbled, "Well, you are. So now you know."  
  
A smile split her face, beautiful for no other reason than he thought she was. "Well. Thank you for the news."  
  
He seemed intently focused on her finger, nibbling at a joint, feeling the vein just under the surface with his tongue. Mumbled, "Very welcome..."  
  
She leaned forward, teeth biting at his ear, whispered, "You can have a taste."  
  
He whimpered softly and gave a low moan, nearly releasing her finger. Then his eyes widened when he realized what she'd said. Now he did release it. "No, Buffy. I can't... I don't know if I'd..."  
  
The same finger rested over his moving lips, stilling his words. "You don't have to. I'm- it's just-" She sighed frustratedly. "I don't think you would... I was just... try to... let you know." God, did that make ANY sense at all?? She frowned at herself. "I'm sorry. That was... I'm stupid. Just... ignore it, okay?"  
  
But it had made perfect sense to him. "You... trust me?" The words had so little air behind them that he might as well have been mouthing it, since he'd quite literally forgotten to breathe.  
  
"Yeah." Almost defensively. "I do." But the hand on his cheek was too tender to be angry.  
  
He looked at her hand for a moment. 'Hunger is a fact of life', his demon reminded him. Had been ever since the soul. Hell. Ever since the chip he'd been at least marginally hungry all the time. Going from twelve to twenty pints a night, down to less than that in a WEEK, and animal blood at that, always left him hungry. But.. Slayer blood... that would be like going from living off crackers and yogurt, to a four course meal every night. At least as far as his body was concerned. Didn't even notice that he was staring at her wrist now.  
  
She had been saying something. Her voice permeated the fog of his mind. "Spike?" The tone of one who's said it more than once.  
  
His whole body jerked and his eyes met hers, as if he'd been yanked out of a completely different place. "What? Huh?"  
  
She gave him a shiver for show. "Water's getting cold. Wanna get out?"  
  
He blinked, glancing at her wrist one more time before carefully letting her get off his lap, then getting up and stretching a little. "Yeah... yeah. Good idea."  
  
She turned off the water with a flick of her wrist, stepping out of the shower, handing him a towel, wrapping another around herself. He tied it absently around his waist, barely wincing when the soft cotton irritated the large bruise, glancing at the mirror, which showed a towel, wrapped around nothing, floating in the air. Why it showed towels and never showed clothes, he had no clue.  
  
Buffy rubbed at her hair with another towel, finally stopping, brushing it absently. "Come back to me."  
  
He blinked at her confusedly. 'Come back'... He hadn't gone anywhere.  
  
She gave him a little smile. "You looked... spacey. Out there."  
  
Blinked again. "Oh..." Gestured at the mirror. "I was just wonderin' why it shows towels... but never clothes." Grinned a little. "I wish it did... I could freak people out if there was a mirror wall in the room... Walk past... look like an outfit with no one in it..."  
  
She smiled at him, wondering if something else was wrong. She tucked her hand in his, and started their trek across the hall, back into her bedroom.  
  
He let her lead him, a part of him still thinking about the fact that she trusted him. Did that mean that she MIGHT let him feed from her a little? Or had that 'taste' comment in the bathroom just been her way of playing with him. Teasing him. Part of him wanted to out and ask if she meant that. Slayer blood would go a long way toward healing his battered and abused body. But... he didn't want it to seem like he just wanted to bite her... or worse, to hurt her.  
  
She sat on the edge of the bed, a pout on her face, looking up at him.  
  
Only then did he realize that he'd been standing there, for God only knew how long, just STARING at her. Dear God, she must have thought he was a lunatic.... again. Mumbled, sheepishly, moving to sit on the bed near her. "Sorry... God, I'm sorry..."  
  
She frowned, cupped one hand over his mouth. "We said no more 'sorries'. And I'm saying no more anything until you tell me what you're thinking. What you're worrying about."  
  
He sighed a little. Then nearly snarled when his stomach chose that moment to let out a loud, insistant growl, his thoughts spurring it.  
  
"That's it, isn't it? You're hungry."  
  
He just bit his lip a little, studying a grape juice stain on her carpet.  
  
"Spike. Stop it. Look at me,"  
  
He shook his head. "No. Can't."  
  
Her hand gripped his chin, and her voice pleaded with him. "Please look at me."  
  
He squeezed his eyes shut, but turned his head and looked at her, opening them again, revealing the golden orbs of his demon. Spoke very quietly, "See? I told you I couldn't look at you."  
  
She stared back, unflinchingly. "Why not? I'm okay with it."  
  
He shook his head a little. "No. That's not it... I'm... Buffy.. I want.. In the bathroom, you said..." Growled at himself, curling a lip back a little in frustration, one exposed canine gleaming a little.  
  
"And I *meant*," she emphasized.  
  
"I'm sure you didn't mean it the way I wanted you to," he mumbled, growling quietly to himself.  
  
"But I did." And why was she suddenly hurt that he didn't think she could mean it like that??  
  
He sighed quietly. "You trust me." It was a statement. Not a question. But then came the real reason for his discomfort. "You trust me, but I don't."  
  
"You should." It was that simple to her.  
  
Now he was practically whispering. "What if I took too much? What if you passed out... or worse... I'm starving, Buffy. My body's feeding on itself to attempt to get better... Slayer blood, right now, would be such an overload, I don't know if I could stop."  
  
"Do you love me?" It was the first time the question had ever passed her lips, and now it barely did, with a whisper to back it up.  
  
He swallowed and nodded. Quietly, "With everything in me, Buffy. Mind, body, heart, demon, and soul. I love you."  
  
"Then I know you can stop." Her belief in him had gotten him through before. He had said as much. She hoped her belief in him now would do the same.   
  
He shook his head when she tilted hers to the side. "No.." Saw the look that said she'd misinterpreted his word. Offered a small smile. Quietly. "Wrist, if we're gonna do this. Smaller vein... safety net. I can't take too much."  
  
Her small hand reached out, fingers folding across the palm of his hand, lifted their joined hands almost delicately, and turned her wrist to his mouth.  
  
He swallowed, hard, gold eyes locked on the vein just under the skin. Whispered, "I don't know if this is gonna hurt or not. So... just expect it to."  
  
She nodded silently, eyes watching his, an almost... gentle expression in them?  
  
It never hurt when the bite was out of love. He'd learned that. Heaven help him, he'd learned that the hard way. Dru had bitten him. Constantly. And it always hurt, because, despite what she said, the insane vampiress was actually incapable of feeling the emotion. Harmony, ditzy as she was, was another story. She actually had loved him. Though he barely tollerated her. And she'd only bitten him twice, but neither time had hurt at all. Were actually... plesant, in fact. But he had no idea how it would work when biting a human. A Slayer at that. Her body might reject the feelings in favor of the 'kill the vampire' instinct. So, even as he carefully sank his fangs into her wrist, he waited for her reaction. Needed to know. To see what would happen. It would let him know if he could ever do this again.  
  
A soft wave fell over her, almost a pleasure-pain, but definitely more pleasure. Like one of his best kisses. Gentle but deep. She murmured senselessly, the ghost of a smile turning her lips.  
  
He relaxed when he saw her smile and began suckling on the wound, his tongue touching the edges and encouraging the bloodflow, a deep loud purr starting in his chest.  
  
She rocked slightly, back and forth, watching him as he drank, eyes taking him in, almost carressing him.  
  
His purr just kept getting louder... No. Not louder. STRONGER. And the small cuts and abrasions still maring his skin were actually becoming lighter as she watched, her blood, her strength, her life, flowing into him. Filling him. Making him whole again.  
  
It occured to her that it felt like an insanely personal thing to be watching, his eyes closed, obviously rolled back, suckling at her wrist... God, was he never gorgeous?  
  
He was sucking a little harder now, making little mewl-y growl sounds at the back of his throat. Maybe his version of someone saying 'yum' while drinking a milkshake. Random thoughts kept flowing through his mind. So warm... Thick... Strong... he could almost imagine her blood glowing with some sort of inner light.  
  
The minute he began to suck harder, a very nice pressure started building in her, almost startling in its intensity.  
  
He growled suddenly, not even KNOWING what she was feeling, but somehow triggering the pressure to explode when he suddenly tightened his fangs, getting a better grip.  
  
It hit her so hard her eyes watered, and the cry burst from her mouth, sounding almost strangled at the end, because she hadn't had enough air to begin with. Her eyes snapped to his, one hand supporting her weight.  
  
His own eyes snapped open at the familiar sound, and he blinked at her, suddenly realizing where he was. Three pints. That was all he could take. And he was nearly there. Slowly retracted his fangs and carefully licked her wrist, closing the wound.  
  
She looked dazed, and she didn't know whether it was the blood loss, or the... blood lust that had done it.  
  
He scooted close to her and pulled her into his arms, nuzzling her a little. Quietly, mumbled into her hair, "Are you okay, baby?" Didn't even think about the new endearment. "I didn't take too much, did I? I was tryin' to hold back, and I just... kinda spaced out... m'sorry..."  
  
She rocked gently in his arms, whispered, "No... Felt... Wow..."  
  
He swallowed a little. "You're sure? You're okay?"  
  
Her mouth found the crook of his neck, nuzzled him. "Fine. Don't let go yet?"  
  
He nuzzled her, purring loudly. Spoke quietly, "I couldn't let go, even if I wanted to, luv... So it's not even an option."  
  
She looked up at him. "You stopped." Might as well have said, 'I told you so'.  
  
He just looked at her, giving a very small smile. His tongue caught a stray drop of blood on one of his now human teeth. "Yeah. I did."  
  
Her fingers grazed his body. "You healed... right in front of me..."  
  
The smaller cuts and bruises were all but gone, and that large, ugly black one was now an almost attractive shade of purple and blue. "Yeah... Slayer blood... Combination food and medicine.. Best there is."  
  
She smiled. "That's me."  
  
Smiled. "It really is."  
  
She kissed him lazily, her tongue tracing his lips, silently begging entrance.  
  
He opened his mouth for her, slightly reluctantly, knowing there was still the taste of blood... her blood, in his mouth. Hoped that she wouldnt' be... disgusted.  
  
She noticed, sort of vaguely in the back of her mind, but as always, his own distinct taste lurked beneath the other, and *that* was what she focused on.  
  
He started purring again, loudly, his hands sliding over her skin, one working beneath the towel she still wore to stroke at her back.  
  
Her mouth curved slightly, and her hands glided over him gently, teasing here and there, pulling back far enough to nip at his bottom lip, then pull it into her mouth, giving it her undivided attention.  
  
His tongue flicked out, touching and tasting at her lips, still purring loudly. Found his body arching a little into her hands as she stroked at him, no pain at all making itself evident. God, he loved her touch. It had never been like this before. This was... completely new... And so wonderful.  
  
Her legs spread slowly, knees touching the matress on either side of him. Her fingers feathered down, untying his towel, smoothing her hands against the newly exposed flesh.  
  
He growled a little, the sound having nothing to do with anger, and made a little hissing sound. His hand, still under her towel, quickly found a way to undo it, tugging at it and growling quietly, then he paused and smiled at her. Spoke quietly, a playful tone in his voice. "You realize we're just gonna wind up havin' to take another shower, right?"  
  
She kissed him again, and pulled back to say breathlessly, "We could just go back right now, save some time..."  
  
He shook his head, grinning a little. "Much as I hate to admit it, pet.... Standing up probably wouldn't work for long. Leg still isn't exactly in top shape."  
  
A very naughty smile tugged at her lips. "The rest of you is..."  
  
He chuckled a little. "Most of me, yeah..." Grinned again. "All of the important stuff, anyway."  
  
Her hands stroked him gently, eyes on his. "Very important."  
  
He panted a little, giving a soft growl. Stared into her eyes, body trembling a little, and resumed working on removing her towel, growling quietly.  
  
She shimmied a little bit, helping it fall away, but her eyes were in sync with her hands, carressing him, her fingers squeezed playfully for a moment, eyes watching his face now, tongue curled under her teeth in an unconscious imitation of him.  
  
He hissed again, growling again and whimpering slightly. Moved in almost slow motion, laying her back on the bed as he dropped her towel on the floor, his body covering hers and just... hovering there, eyes locked on hers as if he couldn't look away. He didn't want to look away, though. So it worked well.  
  
She couldn't look away from him, hands now on his hips, urging him gently forward. "Spike..." God, she sounded needy... throaty but needy.  
  
His eyes stayed on hers and moved forward obediently, starting a slow, even rythem, so different from the majority of their previous encounters. He was taking it slow. Taking the time to relish the sensations, the emotions, because this time, now, she would let him. This wasn't sex. He was finally allowed to do what he wanted. He was making love to her this time. And a part of him knew, this was how it would be every time from then on. This was another new beginning.  
  
She sighed slowly, hips moving gently in time with his, and her eyes drifted closed for a minute, a completely fulfilled smile taking her lips. Her eyes opened again, finding him still looking at her. It was so amazing. So many different feelings... not attacking her... slowly flooding her. She reached slowly for his hands. Needed the connection. She had always wanted to... Been too afraid to ask him, or let him before...  
  
He kept his eyes on her face, letting everything he felt show in his eyes. Was a little suprised to feel her hands on his, but turned his hands a little so that they could both support his weight, and gently grip hers. The moment their hands clasped, his purr rose in volume.  
  
He loved her so much... So clear from his eyes, the gentle way he took her body. His hands clasping her made her feel so protected. So cared for... So precious. So amazing... So handsome... so incredible. So everything... When had she started babbling about him?? When had the words started tumbling from her lips??  
  
He didn't know what to make of this. So many things she was saying... he'd never even fantisized about her saying these sorts of things... It didn't seem like something she'd ever do... Dear God, did she really think he was... all the things she was saying? Could he even BE any of those things?? He didn't feel like he was... But he would be. For her. All for her... Everything... and now he was babbling. Subjects changing at random. Her beauty... How much he loved her... things he would do for her... How he saw her... she was his sunlight. His life. She was his heartbeat. God, how he loved her....  
  
His words washed over her, and tears started to drop gently down her cheeks.   
  
He didn't even care that his own eyes were watering slightly, and dropped his head, gently kissing the tears off her cheeks, alternating sides, whispering that it was okay, and that he loved her. Somehow managed to keep moving, the speed getting just a tiny bit faster.  
  
She nuzzled her cheek against his as he was kissing at another stray tear, whispering hoarsely, her mouth brushing his ear, "It'd be so easy to love you."  
  
He didn't know what to make of this. Honestly didn't.... But had to ask... Whispered, keeping his cheek against hers, his own mouth next to her ear, "Then... why don't you?"  
  
"...So afraid..."  
  
He pulled back, hips still moving slowly. Very very softly, "Of me?"  
  
Buffy pulled a pleasant grimace. "Of losing..."  
  
He was so very confused. Had to work with the first thought that came to his mind. "Buffy... M'never gonna leave again... I promise you that.... I'm gonna be here... I promise..."  
  
She knew. Nodded. "Could lose myself in you..." And how easy it would to be sink herself in him and never look back, beyond, ever.   
  
Still confused, and now breathing a little harder. "Why... is that bad?"  
  
He would know. He had lost himself in her. God, that thought humbled her. "Is it... bad?" Her hips moved against his, grinding in a slow circle.  
  
"No." Certainty. Moaned slightly before continuing. "God, Buffy... it's anything but bad... It's like... having two hearts, but one... two minds that... can work together... It's not bad, luv.... But... You won't know if... if you don't try." Hoped that hadn't come out as almost... pleading as it had sounded in his head. If it was 'so easy' for her to love him, couldn't she just try? God, he wanted her to try...  
  
Her eyes locked on his, still flooding, and open and scared. "Don't leave me..."  
  
Spoke softly, reassuringly, "I won't. I promise, Buffy.... I'll never leave you. I'll always be here for you. Whatever you need... anything, I'll do. I love you."  
  
Her movement stilled as she whispered, almost shyly, "I love you."  
  
He blinked at her for a moment, then the dampness in his eyes decided to take that oppertunity to escape. Two tiny tears escaped and he stared down at her in almost wonder. Everything he could think to say at that moment... it either sounded stupid, or just... didn't work for the moment. Unfortunately, one of the stupid sounding ones came out. "Thank you." Blinked. 'Thank you'???? She told him that she loved him, and THANK YOU was the best he could come up with??? No wonder he'd sucked as a poet.  
  
She smiled tremulously. She'd just told Spike she loved him. The world hadn't imploded upon itself. He didn't look evil. He was getting up and leaving either. Wasn't hurting her at all... She began to move again, her lips barely touching his. "I love you, Spike."  
  
He was moving too, ignoring the fact that he was trembling a little. Staring down at her, that same look of wonder in his eyes. Spoke softly, "I love you too, Buffy... I love you so much... You have no idea.... I've been waiting... Wanted to hear you say that.... For so long... God... I can't breathe..." True to his word, his breathing was coming in hitches.  
  
Her breathing was getting labored as well, legs tangling with his, arching, pulling him down, needing him closer, wanting to feel his whole body on hers.  
  
He oblidged gratefully, his arms wanting to give out as it was. He stretched out on top of her, his arms going around her, actually holding her. And, in a feat that no human could've achieved, his hips continued to move, the flexibility of the vampire's spine allowing him to keep moving despite laying on top of her.  
  
She babbled in his ear, whispering things she never thought she'd say, loving things, naughty things, sweet things, random things she had noticed about him, anything, everything as she tightened around him.  
  
He gave a deep growl, purring loudly, and his hips suddenly jerked into her, a roaring snarl escaping his mouth... However, this time, her name was embedded in the roar. Something he hadn't allowed himself to do before.  
  
She arched against him repeatedly, those three new words falling from her lips, once, twice, a third time as she came down, almost cooing his name, hands stroking him everywhere.  
  
He sank down on top of her, mumbling almost incoherantly about how much he loved her, his face nuzzling into the curve of her neck. He stopped breathing, trying to stop the tears that kept escaping. Every time she said it, at least two more got out. And, even not breathing, the trembling wouldn't stop.  
  
Her breath fanned out across his shoulder, and a sated smile tugged at her lips. "You are the most incredible lover," she told him.  
  
He mumbled, "There must be a mirror around... you've got me mixed up with you..."  
  
She smiled, huffed out a laugh, her hands still coasting over his talented body.  
  
He smiled, relaxing again, and purred loudly. Opened his eyes to see her neck right in front of his face. Well. How conveinent. Started feathering kisses over her neck.  
  
She gave an enticed moan, tilted her head a little bit. It never even occured to her to be wary, to be cautious with him by her throat.  
  
He was purring, licking and nibbling softly on her neck. He felt the blood rushing just under the surface. Smelled it, and could still taste the aftertaste from his earlier 'snack'. Part of him wanted to bite her. It had happened before, but... He wasn't going to do it now. Didn't even really want to. His hand wandered her body, stroking her side and over her stomach, memorizing the feel of her skin.  
  
Her own fingers traced over his skin, taking in all the muscle, sleek skin covering them. Her eyes followed her hands, memorizing how their skin contrasted, gold on ivory. God, he was beautiful. Her hands found his back, and she traced every line on it. She let her fingers rest on the dip in the small of his back, and she smiled, contented to just touch.  
  
He raised his head up and smiled down at her, head slightly cocked. Lowered his head to rest their foreheads together, and whispered five words. "Luv... your hands are cold." Grinned at her, almost playfully.  
  
She made an indignant noise, and pouted up at him. "The breathing one in this relationship has cold hands?" She reiterated playfully.  
  
He grinned at her and chuckled quietly. "Well... you warmed me all up... and now your hands are cold." He shifted a little, pressing his back up into her hands and purring a little louder. "I didn't say I minded, though. Feels nice."  
  
"Mmmm-hmmm..." she intoned. "Try to make it better after you insulted me. I see." But her smiling eyes belied her tone.  
  
He smiled at her and nuzzled her nose. Whispered, "Uh oh. You caught me. That was my plan all along, you know..."  
  
"I know... Evil evil vampire." My my, that wasn't a noticeably come-hither tone at all, Buffy, she scolded herself.  
  
He let a growl enter his tone, though it was still playful. "Well, luv... you gotta admit... it's the lure of that sort of thing that keeps you comin' back."  
  
She leaned up, bit his ear gently. "Keeps you coming, too, if I remember correctly..."  
  
He growled and trembled a little, tilting his head for her. Gently growled out, "I'm not the one who's passed out several times, though..."  
  
Her tongue was doing... that... thing... "Have to recover some time. Not like we're sleeping..."  
  
Oh, dear God in heaven. He growled, deeply, which was what that... thing... always did to him, body tensing a little. Brought a hand up and stroked down her side, looking for that... spot... he'd discovered, quite some time ago... Ah. Found it. Pinched very lightly. Two could play this game.  
  
Her breathing faltered a minute, her hips sliding up reflexively, and a moan escaped her, purring it into his ear.  
  
He grinned a little, growling again, and lowered his head to lightly bite her shoulder, not breaking the skin at all. Another 'spot'.  
  
Her fingers slid to hold his hips, and she ground against him slowly. "Tease." Her fingers slipped up to a spot between his ribs, and began to knead, very lightly. "But so am I."  
  
His eyes opened and a low growling moan escaped his lips, his side arching into her hand and forehead dropping to her shoulder for a moment.  
  
She used his position to her advantage, dipping her head, touching her lips to the corner of his collarbone, biting gently.  
  
Spike trembled at that, the assult on two of his most sensitive spots, his body still oversensitized from their recent exploits. Normally, it wouldn't affect him quite so much, but... All those things added together, added to... Well. It wouldn't take much to push him into dangerous... babble territory. And he did NOT want to go there at the moment. Not at all. But, she only had one other hand. Probably couldn't do much with that. So... he'd just lay there, and... well, tremble.  
  
At that moment, said hand was creeping slowly up his back, resting at the back of his neck innocently, her mouth still suckling, teeth nibbling at his collarbone. Suddenly, she pinched the back of his neck lightly.   
  
He made a squeaky sound, and his body stiffened, then a low growl rumbled from his throat. Without even thinking, he bit her shoulder where his mouth rested. Just BARELY broke the skin, then licked at the blood that welled up.  
  
As it broke the skin, she gasped, in surprise, in slight pain, and, more importantly, most importantly, desperate arousal. "Spike... Need you..." she rasped at him.  
  
She didn't have to ask twice... Hell. Didn't have to ask once. He growled and started moving, nothing slow about his movements this time. His mouth stayed where it was, but his flexible spine allowed his hips to pretty much do whatever they wanted... or, rather, needed to. He suckled at her blood while still moving with her. This was the proper way for a vampire to mate... however, his teeth weren't sharp, and only the gentle suckling was keeping the wound open. He was what he was. Vampire, human... Demon, soul... and, for the first time, they were working together. A single focus. Buffy. God, he loved her.  
  
She moved against him, rhythmless, just craving him, her hands touching him everywhere, squeezing, kneading at the muscle she found under them, gasping, moaning unreservedly.  
  
He growled against her skin, speeding up a little, teeth tightening on her shoulder to get a better grip. His eyes suddenly flashed gold, and his teeth lengthened into the wound suddenly, and he found himself holding on with fangs. But, some how, he knew.... this bite didn't hurt her... In fact, it was having the opposite effect.  
  
Buffy's back arched, and her eyes closed for a brief moment, mouth open in silent entreaty, finally dispelling a shaky breath as she tightened around him.   
  
He suddenly stiffened, letting out a strangled roar against the wound, his fangs tightening again as he jerked into her, hard. Retracted his fangs almost instantly and carefully licked the wound closed, mumbling apologies, endearments, and declarations of love against the closed wound as his body trembled on top of her shaking one.  
  
"Love you," she mumbled, coming down, her body still rocking against his slowly. "Felt... hmmm... definitely don't... be sorry..."  
  
He nuzzled against her shoulder, kissing it gently. Mumbled, "Didn't meant to... gave you a new scar."  
  
She stilled at that. He had claimed her, then. It made her feel cautious, but... somewhere in her, there was a tug of pleasure at the thought. She was his. She shrugged for his benefit. "S'okay. Too cold for tank tops anyway."  
  
He nuzzled her again, then blinked and lifted up, looking at the bite for the first time. Blinked at it a couple of times. Oh SHIT!! That WAS gonna scar... It was a claim bite... he'd claimed her. SHIT! She'd just BARELY told him that she loved him, and here he was proclaiming a vampiric engagement! His forehead dropped to her shoulder and he made a little... deflating tire sound, resting atop her.  
  
She cocked one leg, ran it gently up and down his. "Okay?", she questioned quietly.  
  
He mumbled something about not even having a ring, and rushing into things, sighing quietly. Spoke so softly that she only heard him because of his proximity to her ear. "I can make it go away... there's a ritual, to break one... I know you probably don't want... I mean, it's a bond... meant to last forever... I should've asked... I didn't know..."  
  
"Spike?"  
  
He quieted at her voice. Very quietly, "Yeah, luv?"  
  
She used one hand to tilt his face away from her shoulder, her eyes meeting his. "Shut up." Touched her lips softly to his.  
  
He blinked at her and smiled a little against her mouth, then frowned slightly when they seperated. "But, Buffy... A claim bite... I didn't think you'd want... It's... It's the vampire version of an engagement ring."  
  
She drew in a breath, exhaled slowly, almost shakily. "Do you regret anything that happened?"  
  
He swallowed and looked in her eyes. "Not recently. No."  
  
She tugged one of his hands up to her lips, kissed the palm. "Me either."  
  
He blinked at her, and started to say something, then grinned a little. Spoke softly, in a slightly playful tone. "Okay, then... I'll find my skull ring for you later."  
  
She gave a laughing sigh and rolled her eyes at him. Held her silence a moment, then, "Spike...?"  
  
He was still looking at her, and his head cocked in silent askance.  
  
Her eyes were flitting nervously over his face, anywhere but his eyes. "I want... but... can't we... just let it happen?"  
  
He licked his lips absently. Maybe it was his still slightly fuzzy brain, but... he wasn't sure exactly what she was talking about. "Let... what happen?"  
  
"Us." God, she berated herself. Put a little more 'shaking like a leaf' in your voice.  
  
He supported his weight on one hand, raising the other to gently stroke her cheek. Spoke softly, "And here I thought that's what's been happening all night..." He ran his tongue over his teeth and looked at her. "Unless you think we're... moving too fast... I can... we can do things differently, if you want... Anything you want..." Just don't suddenly go back to hating me, he thought. I couldn't take that now. Not after you've said it.. not now that I know... Please don't say it will end...  
  
She swallowed, closing her suddenly very wet eyes. "I love you," she spoke quietly. "I love you, but I don't know what would happen if I suddenly had another meaningless mark." Like Angel, like Dracula, and those were just on her body. She hadn't even started counting on the inside yet. Didn't want to push too hard, too fast, and have it happen again. Left, cold, head spinning at the abruptness it all ends with.  
  
He swallowed a little and leaned down to the fresh mark, placing a soft kiss on it. Whispered, "Do you trust me?"  
  
"Yes." And maybe that was the part of it that scared her. She DID trust him. It'd kill her to have that broken again, and she knew it. But still... she trusted him.  
  
He nodded, still speaking in whispers, "I'm doing something that's hard for me, Buffy. And I know it's hard for you. To trust someone who's hurt you. To learn to love after having it... ripped away from you so many times. But... I'm not willing for that to ever happen again. Not to me, and not to you. So... whatever this is, what we have... It's gonna be forever. It has to be. The world could end... But, until that happens... We're going to be together. Do you agree with me on this?" They weren't the exact words, or in the right language, but he needed her to understand. It was the only way what he was thinking would work.  
  
Her fingers found his face, caressing gently, hands betraying the slightest shaking. But her eyes were steadier. "Yes."  
  
He nodded again. The confirmation was what he needed. Softly, "Put your hands on my shoulders and hold on. Physical contact...as much as possible, is important for this to work... It doesn't matter if you understand what I say or not, just... listen, and hold on to me."  
  
She did as he said, hands wrapping around his shoulders, anchoring herself. She was confused, but she did as he said.  
  
He vamped and stared into her eyes, a strange series of growling chirps eminating from somewhere in his throat. A language, older than humanity, so old that no demon besides vampires even used it anymore, and yet, somehow, she could understand. "Together as one, blood as the bond, body to body, spirits conjoined. With this bite, with her blood, with my fangs, I seal the promise. With her touch, with my body, through our love, forever we will be. Two as one, `till the end of the world." And with that, his fangs sank into her once again, overlaying his previous mark, biting and suckling hard, putting all of his physical reserves into cementing the bond. An Eternal Claim, the strongest kind possible.  
  
She could feel him inside her. Not just his body, not just his fangs. For a moment, a brief, searing, incredible moment, she felt his soul and his spirit melding with hers, the fission bright and cleansing. For a space of several heartbeats, her breathing stopped as her body absorbed everything, her hands holding him tightly, heart nearly bursting at the flood of emotions.  
  
Finally, Spike retracted his fangs, and his body went limp on top of her, totally and completely exhausted. He chirped very softly, just before losing conciousness, "I love you, Buffy.... Forever..."  
  
Buffy's arms loosened on him, to stroke softly at his back, holding him while he slept, her own consciousness wavering between a high and a complete drain. "I love you, William," she whispered in his ear, kissing his temple tenderly. "Always..."  
  
======================================================  
  
Buffy stirred slowly, eyes opening. He had tumbled off her at some time, falling on his back to the left of her. Spike's chest was subbing in for her pillow, and she had one leg thrown over his. She smiled at his sleepy expression, eyes still closed, chest rising and falling gently in a mockery of breathing. She loved him. All his mood-swings, his apologies, his smart-assed remarks, and tender words and sweet kisses. She loved him.  
  
And now she was his. Irrevocably, eternally, forever his. A stubborn look came over her face. He better like it, or learn to adjust, because she wasn't going anywhere. And she had the sneaking suspicion that he wasn't either. That he was staying. Because he loved her. It wouldn't be easy. God, it was gonna be so hard. But she wanted this. And they were gonna put off apocalypse after apocalypse to give that 'eternal' thing a run for it's money. She cradled one cheek tenderly. God, he was so precious. So beauitful. A smug smile tugged at her lip. So hers.  
  
His tongue flicked out in his sleep, running over his teeth, and he nuzzled his cheek against her hand, arms automatically going around her. Made a contented sound at the back of his throat. Mumbled, quietly, "... she loves me..." Such awe... wonder, in the sleep filled words... God, even as he slept WITH her, in her bed, by her side, he dreamed of her. It was as if she was all he ever thought about... In fact, she probably was.  
  
Tenderness took her eyes, and she brushed her lips carefully across his. "She loves you," she whispered, the words sure, firm.  
  
His purring was so loud, even in sleep, that his body vibrated lightly against hers. He made a contented sigh, and rolled toward her slightly, cuddling closer and tangling their legs further. He wasn't about to let go. That was for sure.  
  
She smiled, let him pull her closer, because she felt cherished. "She loves you so much," Buffy continued seriously, "and she's not leaving. And she's gonna try so hard to never hurt you again. Because she'll do anything for you. Because you're hers. And she..." her voice trailed off in wonder. "Wants to be yours..."  
  
He sighed again, an almost cute contented sound. Mumbled, burying his face against her shoulder, his nose in her hair, "...m'already hers... been... for long time... Loved her... the moment I saw her... dancin'... so beautiful... graceful... deadly... Amazing... Was too blind... to let m'self... see it, though... Was an idiot..."  
  
"But oh-so arrogantly sexy," she replied, fingers tracing his lips again.  
  
At that, a small smile quirked the corner of his mouth, and one eye opened. "Really, now?"  
  
She pulled back with a laugh, swatted his shoulder. Gave a good pout, and closed her eyes, snuggling down, pretending to try and sleep. "No."  
  
But he was awake now, and poked at her gently. "And why not?"  
  
"Because you cheated." Her eyes were still closed.  
  
He layed his head down, his nose less than an inch from hers, staring at her closed eyes. "And you've never cheated? Cause I can name quite a few-"  
  
Her hand covered his mouth, eyes still closed, face tranquil. "Shh. You cannot."  
  
He blinked, then grinned and tried something. Reached out with his mind, felt the claim, and spoke along it, silently. "Can too."  
  
She jumped, eyes opening, scuttling back on the bed.   
  
He winced and looked away. Mumbled, out loud, "Sorry. I'm sorry. I won't do it again."  
  
"Wh-what-What was that?" It had scared her. She pulled in closer to him, touching his side tentatively, wondering if he had heard what she had heard, or if she was just insane.  
  
He wouldn't look at her. "Me. That was me.... It's part of the Eternal Claim... The ability to speak to each other telepathically... Like you, Willow, and Xander can do... Only this comes with... sometimes the emotions of the other come through, too. Not just words."  
  
Her thumb stroked his cheek, while her eyes searched his out. "But... but it's... okay? That's normal?"  
  
He nodded slowly, letting his eyes meet hers. "Yeah. It's normal. You... you should be able to do it too, pet. You just... concentrate, and look for the bond in your mind. It's there. You just have to find it, and speak through it. Like... like it's a private phone line, just to me."  
  
She looked at him earnestly. "But it's really okay? I didn't... I didn't mess anything up?"  
  
"Uh.. no." He was confused. "Why would you think you'd messed somethin' up?"  
  
She shrugged. "I just... I dunno... Angel never talked to me in my head." God, that sounded odd.  
  
His hand came up and traced the scar on her neck, the one that his demon told him belonged to Angel. "Did he chirp for you when he bit you, luv? The story I heard said that you made him do it. He claimed... but it wasn't the kind with a bond."  
  
She shook gently under his touch. "He never spoke. Just fed."  
  
Spike's eyes hardened for a moment, staring at his Grandsire's mark. Huh. He said he loved her, and yet, when he claimed, he hadn't bonded her. That... it honestly didn't make sense to him. A simple claim was... it was usually used for food, to keep the same human coming back for more, again and again. Simple claim bites were what had addicted the Soldier Boy, two years earlier. They weren't made out of love. They were made out of nessisity or lust. So.. Angel had a soul, and yet he hadn't claimed her.... Spike didn't even realize he was growling. Now he knew why it had been so easy for the prancing poof to leave town. He had only THOUGHT he loved her... Dear god, he couldn't tell her this. No. It might... hell. It WOULD hurt her. And he wouldn't do that. Never hurt her.  
  
She glanced at him, eyes puzzled. "Did Angel do it wrong?"  
  
He tried to keep the anger, the growl out of his voice. "You could say that, pet. Yeah."  
  
She made a humming noise, and pulled closer to him.   
  
He swallowed and forced his body to relax, snuggling against her. The past didn't matter. Like all the healed bites and failed claims from Dru on his body. It was in the past. Who cared if this beautiful, wonderful, amazing woman's first love had only had some kind of lust/crush on her? Well... he did, for one. It just... she'd measured everyone since Peaches up against him, and now it turned out that he was a broken measuring stick, deluded by years of loneliness into believeing that a crush was love. Poor Buffy... Well, he'd make it up to her. He'd be more than Angel EVER could. He wouldn't ever let her fall. And certainly would never let her jump. But, if she did, he'd be there to catch her. Eternity wouldn't be long enough for him to express his love, but... He had to start somewhere. Whispered softly, his lips a mere inch from her ear, "I love you."  
  
She pulled back slightly, rested the tip of her nose to his, and stared firmly into his eyes, lips pouting in concentration. After a short, frustrated while, she said quietly along the claim bond, "I love you, too."  
  
His eyes widened and his mouth opened slightly in wonder, just staring at her. He'd KNOWN she could do it... But knowing something and having it actually HAPPEN are two, very different things.  
  
She bit her lip, eyebrows raising nervously. "Did it work?"  
  
He nodded very slowly, mouth opening and closing twice before any words made it out. "Yeah... perfectly... I can see why you jumped now, though."  
  
A pleased smile lit her face. "So... If we're just... sitting at the dinner table, or something, I can say something like-" She went along her claim, "I'd rather be upstairs, pulling your clothes off, making you gasp in alllllllllll the right ways, till your legs buckle and and *you* pass out?" Aloud, "Stuff like that?"  
  
His eyes were wide and his mouth was hanging open, and that was not the only physical reaction her little 'speech' had. Swallowed hard, unblinking, and barely managed a partially squeaked, "..yeah.."  
  
She grinned impishly. "I'll have to remember that."  
  
Swallowed again. "Uh huh..." So would he. He grinned suddenly and tried something. Sent a mental image through the bond, of them, on the floor of his crypt, one of his personal favorites of their 'encounters' the previous year.  
  
Her entire being was swamped with the image, and her body responded in kind. "That was... just... wrong."  
  
Now he was the one grinning. "Uh huh. And fun."  
  
She tilted her head, sent the image of their time with her as 'Invisi-Buffy'.  
  
Spike drew in a sharp gasp, his eyes closing and body responding of it's on violition. Mumbled, "I never told you how mad you made me... messin' with me in front of Harris... he thought I was bleedin' insane..."  
  
She chuckled remorselessly. "I know."  
  
He snorted at her. Okay. Two could play this game. Concentrated, and sent a SERIES of images from the night they... quite literally... brought down the house.  
  
When she opened her eyes again, she found she was rubbing against him, almost mewling.  
  
He gave her a smug little smirk. "I win."  
  
That time... at the Bronze...  
  
He growled and actually bit his own lip. "Ow."  
  
She smirked right back. "Tie."  
  
He cocked his head and looked at her, then licked his lips a little. "I was wrong, you know."  
  
She nodded. "I know you were. I was, too."  
  
He gave a soft snort and shook his head. "I wasn't only wrong, though. I was bleedin' backwards. It wasn't you who belonged in the dark with me... Never was... It was me, who belonged in the light with you. I didn't want to see it... And it took falling into that darkness to make me realize that I wanted out of it. That I'd do anything... fight anything... sacrifice anything, to make that happen. To.. climb out of my darkness and into your light." He looked, almost shy now, such a contrast to the cockyness of a moment before. "Did I make it?"  
  
The back of her hand swept his cheek tenderly. "Yeah, you did. And I'm not gonna let you fall back. Or fall down. I'll always steady you."  
  
He smiled at her and nuzzled her hand. Quietly, "Same goes, luv... From now on, we hold each other up. Don't let the other fall. Be each other's anchor. And I want you to know something.... It meant so much to me when you said it, but... I need you to know that it's not just... one way." His voice dropped a half octave, and his hand cupped her cheek. "I believe in you, Buffy. And, no matter what, I believe that you're gonna make it through this whole... Apocolypse of the week thing. We're gonna make it through. We love each other... And we believe in each other... And we're ALL going to make it because of that."  
  
She nodded, partly nuzzling into his hand, not quite beating the two tears that escaped her. "We'll make it." And she suddenly meant so much more than the apocalypse.   
  
He leaned in and tenderly kissed away her tears, before they even left her cheeks, then leaned his forehead against hers. "We will." Vehment certainty.  
  
Her eyes closed, savoring the feel of him just holding her. "We will." A quiet promise.  
  
He smiled a little, simply holding her, being close... It suprised him how much contentment he could get from such a simple gesture. Of course, it was still kind of a new thing, but still. If this past day was any indication, new things were... incredibly good.  
  
She laid her head on his chest, smiling, one hand drifting to rest on his bare hip, sighing easily. "Baby?" The petname flowed past her lip with incredible simplicity.  
  
His purr got louder and he opened his eyes, smiling contentedly. "Hmm?"  
  
"I love you."  
  
He smiled bigger, one hand stroking over her back. "I love you too, Buffy... And, just for your information... I'm never gonna get tired of hearin' that."  
  
One leg stroked over his, to hook at his hip. "Good. Cuz... I really like saying it."  
  
He blinked slowly at her. "You do?" Oh, now that was smart. She just SAID she did.  
  
She just gave him a small laugh, shaking her head at him.  
  
He made a sheepish face. "Sorry... still gettin' used to the idea."   
  
She nudged just a touch closer, her lips brushing his shoulder. "S'okay. I'm adjusting, too..."  
  
He smiled and closed his eyes, then made a little 'yip/jump' combination and gave her a look. "S'good, luv.. But 'adjust' your hand somewhere else, okay?"  
  
Her hand remained where it was. She blinked innocently at him. "Why? It's so... comfortable there."  
  
He raised an eyebrow. "Yeeah. And it can stay there. Just don't move like that again, or you're gonna wind up with a wrist rest."  
  
She gave a small chuckle, and took pity, wrapping her arm around his back, nuzzling him.   
  
He purred, smiling and closing his eyes again. Felt her shift against him. Mumbled, "What'cha doin'?"  
  
"Getting closer."  
  
He gave a little chuckle. "Buffy, honey, if you get any closer, we'll be sharin' skin." Didn't even seem to notice the new endearment, it had come so easily to his half asleep brain.  
  
She smiled against his chest. "I don't mind having you in some of my skin."  
  
He mumbled, "That's cause I fit so well..."  
  
Fit perfect..."  
  
He gave a soft, happy sigh. "Buffy?"  
  
"Mmm?"  
  
He whispered, the same words he'd said less than two months earlier, as his half insane self attempted to hug a giant cross, not even realizing the connection, "Can we rest now, Buffy?"  
  
But she did. Her arms tightened around him, soothingly, protectively, lovingly. "Yes, baby, we can rest..."  
  
And they did.  
  
The End 


End file.
